Top tips

*sigh*
Back to work tomorrow, which sucks, but it's a 7-3 shift, so it's not too bad I guess.
For those of you who don't know (I'm talking to YOU, Michelle :P) if I make a post at like 3am, I'm talking as if it's still the day before, eg, If I say "I'm off work tomorrow" at 3am, then i mean I'm off work that day.
I'm working from tuesday to friday on 8-4's, so that pretty much sucks. Gah, I need to get Plan A into action (Plan A = Win the lottery - only 44million combinations, can't be THAT hard....)
I didn't sleep too well last night, managed to pull a muscle in my sleep, that woke me up and It hurt like hell for a while and I couldn't get back to sleep for ages. It's not too bad now, still hurts a little, tho...
Updated the site a little, added a new background and replaced the bouncing ball on the main page with a space shuttle (It works with the BG). Problem is, it still has the same physics as the balls, so it sorta flies about like crazy, I'll fix that tomorrow, it's not that hard to do (I say that now, wait untill I actually try to do it lol). For those of you who forgot the sites address (How could you forget, you absolute bastard!), here it is again: http://www.7of12.co.uk/kushan/
I'm gonna upadate the graphics to my own stuff bit by bit, so eventually, my site will be 100% unique and not some pissy FronPage theme thing. I'd make it all with Notepad, the proper way, but to be honest, I really can't be arsed to lol.
Well, it's time to hit the sack methinks (That means go to bed, for the pervertedly minded out there [Yes, that includes you Michelle:P]). But before I go, here's some very handy tips:

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
jug of boiling water down it's throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost
instantly removed.

Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply
strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. Your allegiance is now clear
to all.

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.

Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at
people as they walk up the aisle.

Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the
chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in
the
first place, you fat bastards.

Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following
morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full
of
washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

Make bath times as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by
pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog turd into the bath.

Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home by
filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then
urinating into it, before jumping in.

Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed, lie in a
sandpit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the
fence.

Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a
handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the
object you wish to view.

Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the
fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
inexpensive vibrator.

Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids
by running a bit slower.

Avoid an asymmetrical bulge in your right arm by masturbating furiously
with your left arm too.

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply
pissing in the sink.

Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next
fag from the butt of your last one.

Spice up your sex life by trying a bit of 'rodeo sex'. Take your missus
from behind and, holding on tightly to her jugs, call her by the wrong
name. See how long you can 'stay mounted' for.

Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle
the stain in permanent pen so that when you remove the garment from the
washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that
it
has gone.

High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while,
thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your
cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to
insulate your loft.

Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your
chin in a bowl of iron fillings.

A sheet of sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for costly
maps when visiting the Sahara.

Convince neighbours that you have invented a 'SHRINKING' device by
ruffling your hair, wearing a white laboratory coat and parking a JCB digger
outside your house for a few days. Then dim and flicker the lights in your
house during the night and replace the JCB unseen, with a Tonka toy of the
same description. Watch their faces in the morning!

Have all your shits at work. Not only will you save money on toilet
paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.

Nissan Micra drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car
before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgem cars
anyway, so it may as well look like one.

A mousetrap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep.

Well, time for bed, good night all *waves*