R...r...riiiiiiight..........
Less said about that one the better methinks....
Wednesday 29 October 2003
Ok, last one, may as well make it a good one!
R...r...riiiiiiight..........
Less said about that one the better methinks....
Nearly done, I promise....
Well, I've obviously gotta be the pirate dude, me and sheep just don't mix...much...
Damn these meme's, they're so damn addictive...
| My LiveJournal Sitcom |
|---|
| The Kushan Show (TNN, 9:00): Kushan (Burt Reynolds) burns built_to_cry (Matthew McConaughey)'s knife. Meanwhile, tolly1989 (Peta Wilson) teaches spinkychan (Peter Fonda) about ballet. That same day, toxinv2 (Jonathan Taylor Thomas) hires evilpete (John Belushi) to perform pantomime at the Met. Upstairs, nozzy (Slim Pickens) borrows 7of12 (Bob Hoskins)'s car to drive to the beach. Soon afterwards, bohemian_rose (Guy Pearce) and blackice912 (Joan Collins) kiss at the theatre. Hilarity ensues. |
| What's Your LiveJournal Sitcom? (by rfreebern) |
Trick or treat!
| My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul |
|---|
| Kushan goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Bill gates. |
| 7of12 tricks you! You get a toothbrush. |
| blackice912 gives you 2 light green banana-flavoured jelly beans. |
| bohemian_rose gives you 7 dark green spearmint-flavoured gummies. |
| built_to_cry gives you 5 dark green root beer-flavoured gummy worms. |
| evilpete tricks you! You get a used tissue. |
| nozzy gives you 9 pink blueberry-flavoured hard candies. |
| spinkychan gives you 5 pink blueberry-flavoured pieces of taffy. |
| tolly1989 tricks you! You lose 22 pieces of candy! |
| toxinv2 gives you 13 tan cherry-flavoured pieces of taffy. |
| Kushan ends up with 19 pieces of candy, a toothbrush, and a used tissue. |
| Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern. |
Monday 27 October 2003
Thankfully, she's not mad enough to rip my balls off...yet...
Well, I went through the whole weekend without updating, and what does that mean? Apart from the fact that I'm lazy? Well...it doesn't mean anything, I was actually just too damn lazy to update^_^
Fair amount of stuff happened I guess. Lets see here, I'm still playing Halo, personally I don't see what all the fuss is about, I mean, it's a good game and all, but nothing special as far as I can see, but then the PC has always had the best FPS's (If you mention Goldeneye, I'll personally shoot you). Even the storyline in Halo is nothing spectacular, the most startling thing in the Plot is the "Flood", which are basically other aliens that mutate other aliens and humans into stronger mutated things. And how do they mutate things? With the help of these little slug type things that are really fast and latch onto your face, which is basically a rip off from those things in Half life, which is basically a rip off from Alien, which has no doubt been ripped off from somewhere else...
Played a good lot of renalert too, it's good fun, although it's starting to get a little tedious with only 2 maps worth playing, they need to update more to keep people interested, nothing major, just the odd little post saying "Look what we've got planned for the next patch".
Speaking of renalert, I had a conversation with ACK last night. Note the word conversation.
I guess he's not as bad as I originally once thought, although I think he's a little abrupt at times and a little big-headed, but I guess he's ok when you get to know him a little better...
Half of the people who supposedly read my journal all asked me why I wasn't at school. If they'd read this thing, then they'd realize that I have the whole week off:D
Well, that's all I can think of for now, I'll tell you all some more later as I remember it;)
Fair amount of stuff happened I guess. Lets see here, I'm still playing Halo, personally I don't see what all the fuss is about, I mean, it's a good game and all, but nothing special as far as I can see, but then the PC has always had the best FPS's (If you mention Goldeneye, I'll personally shoot you). Even the storyline in Halo is nothing spectacular, the most startling thing in the Plot is the "Flood", which are basically other aliens that mutate other aliens and humans into stronger mutated things. And how do they mutate things? With the help of these little slug type things that are really fast and latch onto your face, which is basically a rip off from those things in Half life, which is basically a rip off from Alien, which has no doubt been ripped off from somewhere else...
Played a good lot of renalert too, it's good fun, although it's starting to get a little tedious with only 2 maps worth playing, they need to update more to keep people interested, nothing major, just the odd little post saying "Look what we've got planned for the next patch".
Speaking of renalert, I had a conversation with ACK last night. Note the word conversation.
I guess he's not as bad as I originally once thought, although I think he's a little abrupt at times and a little big-headed, but I guess he's ok when you get to know him a little better...
Half of the people who supposedly read my journal all asked me why I wasn't at school. If they'd read this thing, then they'd realize that I have the whole week off:D
Well, that's all I can think of for now, I'll tell you all some more later as I remember it;)
Thursday 23 October 2003
Time for that fuck-off huge update...
It's 2:30am, I'm tired, I've had a bad day, and I want to go to bed, but I have to do this fugging thing or I wont get peace tomorrow. Heh, nah, it's not that bad, and I suppose I should be happy that people take an interest in my life...
Now, where was I this morning before I had to run? Ah yes, I was saying how I think to much. Well, it makes sense, I always end up getting worried by crap because I think too much about them, I mean, for example, I could say something to Michelle and her reaction would not be how I expected it to be, and that would get me thinking, why was it not what I expected? Was there something wrong? Was it my fault? Is she mad at me? It goes on like that, not just with Michelle, but with everything, which is why I always end up thinking that things are worse than they really are, anyone that's read my journal over the past couple of months will know I'm like that, it's only now I've realized why I'm like that. It's all so obvious now that I think about it (Oh the Irony).
So what am I going to do about it? Well...nothing, there's nothing I can do, but more than that, there's nothing I'd want to do about it, it's just me, who I am, so what if I end up getting paranoid over nothing every now and then, at least I can say I take the time to think about other people, something which a lot of people out there need to do more of...
Anyway, enough of the shit talk, onto my day.
School was shit, don't really wanna say why, it was just shit, thank god I'm off for a while:D
Played renalert for a good bit today, it's been a while since I've played a game online, last time was when I was playing Michelle in CS, time before that was probably a few months back. It was fun for a while.
Erm..guess I can't say much else happened, cuz it didn't, as usual. It's times like this I wish I had another forum to destroy:P
Well, I'm finished with my mindless rabble, you can go and get on with your lives now, go on, get out of here!
Now, where was I this morning before I had to run? Ah yes, I was saying how I think to much. Well, it makes sense, I always end up getting worried by crap because I think too much about them, I mean, for example, I could say something to Michelle and her reaction would not be how I expected it to be, and that would get me thinking, why was it not what I expected? Was there something wrong? Was it my fault? Is she mad at me? It goes on like that, not just with Michelle, but with everything, which is why I always end up thinking that things are worse than they really are, anyone that's read my journal over the past couple of months will know I'm like that, it's only now I've realized why I'm like that. It's all so obvious now that I think about it (Oh the Irony).
So what am I going to do about it? Well...nothing, there's nothing I can do, but more than that, there's nothing I'd want to do about it, it's just me, who I am, so what if I end up getting paranoid over nothing every now and then, at least I can say I take the time to think about other people, something which a lot of people out there need to do more of...
Anyway, enough of the shit talk, onto my day.
School was shit, don't really wanna say why, it was just shit, thank god I'm off for a while:D
Played renalert for a good bit today, it's been a while since I've played a game online, last time was when I was playing Michelle in CS, time before that was probably a few months back. It was fun for a while.
Erm..guess I can't say much else happened, cuz it didn't, as usual. It's times like this I wish I had another forum to destroy:P
Well, I'm finished with my mindless rabble, you can go and get on with your lives now, go on, get out of here!
Yet another early morning update from your friendly neighbourhood Kat...
Bah, didn't get a chance to update last night, so I'll do it now.
Not that it really makes much difference, frig all happened yesterday.
Although, I realized something, I think too much. No, seriously, I do, when I'm like on the bus going to or coming from school, or in a really boring class or a free period or whatever, I start to think, about random things, things people have said, things I have done, things that might happen, all sorts of stuff, too much stuff, cuz it usually makes me think the worst about things.
And I havn't got time to finish this off, I'll just do a fuck-off big update tonight:)
Not that it really makes much difference, frig all happened yesterday.
Although, I realized something, I think too much. No, seriously, I do, when I'm like on the bus going to or coming from school, or in a really boring class or a free period or whatever, I start to think, about random things, things people have said, things I have done, things that might happen, all sorts of stuff, too much stuff, cuz it usually makes me think the worst about things.
And I havn't got time to finish this off, I'll just do a fuck-off big update tonight:)
Tuesday 21 October 2003
*Yawns0rs*
Another day, another update...
I've been really tired this past couple of days, duno why, I've been sleeping ok, and I havn't exactly been exerting myself or anything, not that it mattered today, as a lot of the teachers at school were out doing some course thing today or something, not that it matters, or more to the point, not that I cared, Just gave me some extra time to sleep:D
Thing is tho, in school, I seem to be taking these random fits of hyperness for no reason at like break or lunch time, then when class starts again I'm nakkerd.
Ah well, it's no big deal, only 2 days of school left for me (tomorrow and thursday) and then we're off on friday and all next week, which is pretty sweet if you ask me:D
Now, I'm tired and Michelle *looks around* isn't here to keep me up (silly woman hit her head and went to lie down lol) so I'm off to bed, good night all.
I've been really tired this past couple of days, duno why, I've been sleeping ok, and I havn't exactly been exerting myself or anything, not that it mattered today, as a lot of the teachers at school were out doing some course thing today or something, not that it matters, or more to the point, not that I cared, Just gave me some extra time to sleep:D
Thing is tho, in school, I seem to be taking these random fits of hyperness for no reason at like break or lunch time, then when class starts again I'm nakkerd.
Ah well, it's no big deal, only 2 days of school left for me (tomorrow and thursday) and then we're off on friday and all next week, which is pretty sweet if you ask me:D
Now, I'm tired and Michelle *looks around* isn't here to keep me up (silly woman hit her head and went to lie down lol) so I'm off to bed, good night all.
Ok, time for a proper update
Ok, I have to make a proper update now. Note: "Have to" I don't have a choice lol
Lets see here, yesterday, I got very little sleep, and for some reason, went a little bit hyper during school, so when it came to later in the day, I was nakkerd, luckily, I had 3 free periods, totaling 1 and a half hours, which was the perfect time to catch up on some sleep:D
For some reason, the damn theme song from Cheers is stuck in my head, at 8am, that's not a good thing.
Erm...not much else actually happened, Vlad was talking to me again, although I havn't a clue as to what the hell he's talking about, see if you can make heads or tails of it (Oh, and I have...methods..of telling when someone closes an msn chat window):
[22:38:25] Vlad: lol
[22:38:25] Vlad: You still dissin me around?
[22:38:35] Vlad: even though im a ghost in the onlone world?
[22:38:50] Kushan: Hmm?
[22:42:44] Vlad: so......
[22:43:06] Vlad: you still hell bent on getting an online
society of geeks to follow you through your crusades of
pathetic online anonamous dissing?
[22:46:34] Vlad: yes obviously
[22:46:57] Kushan: *reopens window*
No no, come back here
[22:47:05] Kushan: Now, what is it you want now?
[22:47:16] Vlad: u saw what i said
[22:47:39] Kushan: Yes, but I have no idea what the hell you're
talking about
[22:47:43] Vlad: You still hell bent on getting an online
society of geeks to follow you through your crusades of
pathetic online anonamous dissing?
[22:47:59] Kushan: Now, what "dissing" would this be?
[22:48:11] Vlad: just in general, of innocent ppl
[22:48:41] Kushan: Er...what?
[22:48:56] Kushan: Like who?
[22:49:41] Vlad: in general, motherfucker
[22:50:04] Kushan: *reopens window again*
What ARE you talking about Vlad?
[22:50:32] Kushan: *Reopens the damn window again*
Come back here, I'm not done with you
[22:51:00] Vlad: lol, u got sum plug in that tells u when i
close my window on u?
[22:51:19] Kushan: *open*
Something like that
[22:51:27] Vlad: lol
[23:09:22] * Vlad is now Away (idle)
So er...Vlad seems to think that I lead a society of geeks that go around anonymously disrespecting people....riiight....
Lets see here, yesterday, I got very little sleep, and for some reason, went a little bit hyper during school, so when it came to later in the day, I was nakkerd, luckily, I had 3 free periods, totaling 1 and a half hours, which was the perfect time to catch up on some sleep:D
For some reason, the damn theme song from Cheers is stuck in my head, at 8am, that's not a good thing.
Erm...not much else actually happened, Vlad was talking to me again, although I havn't a clue as to what the hell he's talking about, see if you can make heads or tails of it (Oh, and I have...methods..of telling when someone closes an msn chat window):
[22:38:25] Vlad: lol
[22:38:25] Vlad: You still dissin me around?
[22:38:35] Vlad: even though im a ghost in the onlone world?
[22:38:50] Kushan: Hmm?
[22:42:44] Vlad: so......
[22:43:06] Vlad: you still hell bent on getting an online
society of geeks to follow you through your crusades of
pathetic online anonamous dissing?
[22:46:34] Vlad: yes obviously
[22:46:57] Kushan: *reopens window*
No no, come back here
[22:47:05] Kushan: Now, what is it you want now?
[22:47:16] Vlad: u saw what i said
[22:47:39] Kushan: Yes, but I have no idea what the hell you're
talking about
[22:47:43] Vlad: You still hell bent on getting an online
society of geeks to follow you through your crusades of
pathetic online anonamous dissing?
[22:47:59] Kushan: Now, what "dissing" would this be?
[22:48:11] Vlad: just in general, of innocent ppl
[22:48:41] Kushan: Er...what?
[22:48:56] Kushan: Like who?
[22:49:41] Vlad: in general, motherfucker
[22:50:04] Kushan: *reopens window again*
What ARE you talking about Vlad?
[22:50:32] Kushan: *Reopens the damn window again*
Come back here, I'm not done with you
[22:51:00] Vlad: lol, u got sum plug in that tells u when i
close my window on u?
[22:51:19] Kushan: *open*
Something like that
[22:51:27] Vlad: lol
[23:09:22] * Vlad is now Away (idle)
So er...Vlad seems to think that I lead a society of geeks that go around anonymously disrespecting people....riiight....
Monday 20 October 2003
Damn women, never can win an argument with them...
Erm..aint got much time to update, so erm..here's a tip: Never argue with a woman.
Night night.
Night night.
Sunday 19 October 2003
If there's one thing in life that's certain, it's that b00bs are great!
*cough* 'tis true, that.
Anyhoo.........
Erm...once again, not a lot happened today, I watched Pirates of the Caribbean, not a bad movie, not a great movie, but not a bad movie, worth watching if there's sod all else to do (Why do you think I was watching it in the first place?).
I think Bit torrent's broken or something, it keeps giving me all sorts of random errors, even after reinstalls of it, either it's broken, or M$ are on to me and have found out my plans to destroy M$HQ. Hmm...y'know, I'm beginning to think that it's possible to Hate M$ too much....nah...
Michelle still keeps feeling sick, I hope she gets better soon, it's probably nothing major or anything, but I still can't help but worry about the girl.
Actually, a lot of people seem to be troubled as of late, yet I'm feeling ok, that usually means that something's gonna hit me sometime within the next few days.
Lets do the math, Michelle's sick and something bad's gonna happen, what does that mean? It means I'm paranoid, that's what:P Heh, I ain't gonna go nuts with worry just yet...
Anyhoo.........
Erm...once again, not a lot happened today, I watched Pirates of the Caribbean, not a bad movie, not a great movie, but not a bad movie, worth watching if there's sod all else to do (Why do you think I was watching it in the first place?).
I think Bit torrent's broken or something, it keeps giving me all sorts of random errors, even after reinstalls of it, either it's broken, or M$ are on to me and have found out my plans to destroy M$HQ. Hmm...y'know, I'm beginning to think that it's possible to Hate M$ too much....nah...
Michelle still keeps feeling sick, I hope she gets better soon, it's probably nothing major or anything, but I still can't help but worry about the girl.
Actually, a lot of people seem to be troubled as of late, yet I'm feeling ok, that usually means that something's gonna hit me sometime within the next few days.
Lets do the math, Michelle's sick and something bad's gonna happen, what does that mean? It means I'm paranoid, that's what:P Heh, I ain't gonna go nuts with worry just yet...
Saturday 18 October 2003
Friday 17 October 2003
I could take over the world....I'm just too damn lazy...
Once again, I'm being told to update, and I'm right in the middle of watching 28 days later, it's been on my hard disk for months, I keep meaning to watch it, and today I finally decided to do it. And It's just getting good, and I'm told to update this, god dammit!
It's been pretty good so far, lotsa blood and stuff, and that's always good:D
Now, on with my day...
Slept for a lot of it, sleeping, in my opinion, is the best way to utilize a free day off school:D
Oh and I finally bit the bullet, as it were, and installed Homeworld 2. It just about runs on my system...just about...and I've wanted to play this game so bad, so I've decided to try, I don't care if it goes at 2FPS in wireframe mode, I'm gonna do it!
I also did the same for Halo, and it's not as bad as I Originally thought, it only really slows down a shit load during big action sequences, so I've been playing that a lot as well.
It turns out that the reason I like Halo so much isn't so much the stunning graphics (Uh..on my system, there's no such thing) or the smart AI or anything, but in fact...because you can pistol whip the enemy. Now, it's not like in most games where you only do that when you have no ammo, but there's an actual button for it, and it's the best thing ever, cuz like, you empty a clip into an enemy, then whack them, this disorientates them for long enough for you to reload, and that's if it doesn't kill them:D
Me and Michelle watched another thing today, this time it was the latest episode of enterprise, it wasn't a great episode, but what the hell, it was fun watching it with her.
Erm...other stUff probably did happen today, but I'll be Fucked if I can remember it at this time (4:11am)...
It's been pretty good so far, lotsa blood and stuff, and that's always good:D
Now, on with my day...
Slept for a lot of it, sleeping, in my opinion, is the best way to utilize a free day off school:D
Oh and I finally bit the bullet, as it were, and installed Homeworld 2. It just about runs on my system...just about...and I've wanted to play this game so bad, so I've decided to try, I don't care if it goes at 2FPS in wireframe mode, I'm gonna do it!
I also did the same for Halo, and it's not as bad as I Originally thought, it only really slows down a shit load during big action sequences, so I've been playing that a lot as well.
It turns out that the reason I like Halo so much isn't so much the stunning graphics (Uh..on my system, there's no such thing) or the smart AI or anything, but in fact...because you can pistol whip the enemy. Now, it's not like in most games where you only do that when you have no ammo, but there's an actual button for it, and it's the best thing ever, cuz like, you empty a clip into an enemy, then whack them, this disorientates them for long enough for you to reload, and that's if it doesn't kill them:D
Me and Michelle watched another thing today, this time it was the latest episode of enterprise, it wasn't a great episode, but what the hell, it was fun watching it with her.
Erm...other stUff probably did happen today, but I'll be Fucked if I can remember it at this time (4:11am)...
Thursday 16 October 2003
Heh...maybe god read last nights post?
Weird, after last nights rant...everything today went great...well, for the most part anyway...
To start off, my dad, for once, came to his senses a little. Him and her discussed ME (which I was at school, in other words, while I couldn't defend myself, as usual, but anyway) today, and she absolutely believes that what I said last night was meant to deliberately hurt her in some way (How the fuck she worked that out I'll never know) but my dad is actually taking my side for once...sorta. He said to her that he's on her side, then he said to me that he's actually not, he actually thinks I was ok last night (I'd like to think so, he was in the room at the fucking time), he didn't apologize for shouting at me at the time, but with my dad, that's good enough. Oh, and as his way of proving that he, for once, is on my side and isn't going to be grumpy with me, he went out bought me a new printer lol, I didn't really need it, and I would have preferred he just put the cash away so that maybe I could save up for a better computer, but I guess the sentiment was there...
Oh oh, to make it even better, Kathleen has stated that she's not going to come into this house whenever I'm in, so that works for me, now I don't have to see her so much:D
The more observant of you will have noticed that this post has been made a lot later than usual for a school day (It's now 1:47), shouldn't I be asleep for school tomorrow? Well, yes and no, y'see there's a bus strike tomorrow, so I get the day off, the icing on the cake, as it were, of my day:D
However, nothing is ever perfect, there was a bad element to my day, Michelle is sick, and cuz of that, I didn't really get to talk to her much today. Although it's probably nothing and I'm sure she'll be ok, I'm still concerned about her, anyway, I hope she gets well soon...
To start off, my dad, for once, came to his senses a little. Him and her discussed ME (which I was at school, in other words, while I couldn't defend myself, as usual, but anyway) today, and she absolutely believes that what I said last night was meant to deliberately hurt her in some way (How the fuck she worked that out I'll never know) but my dad is actually taking my side for once...sorta. He said to her that he's on her side, then he said to me that he's actually not, he actually thinks I was ok last night (I'd like to think so, he was in the room at the fucking time), he didn't apologize for shouting at me at the time, but with my dad, that's good enough. Oh, and as his way of proving that he, for once, is on my side and isn't going to be grumpy with me, he went out bought me a new printer lol, I didn't really need it, and I would have preferred he just put the cash away so that maybe I could save up for a better computer, but I guess the sentiment was there...
Oh oh, to make it even better, Kathleen has stated that she's not going to come into this house whenever I'm in, so that works for me, now I don't have to see her so much:D
The more observant of you will have noticed that this post has been made a lot later than usual for a school day (It's now 1:47), shouldn't I be asleep for school tomorrow? Well, yes and no, y'see there's a bus strike tomorrow, so I get the day off, the icing on the cake, as it were, of my day:D
However, nothing is ever perfect, there was a bad element to my day, Michelle is sick, and cuz of that, I didn't really get to talk to her much today. Although it's probably nothing and I'm sure she'll be ok, I'm still concerned about her, anyway, I hope she gets well soon...
Wednesday 15 October 2003
Big-assed rant, read at your own risk....
Ugh...can't I have just one week of peace? One week of happiness where nothing goes wrong?
Yup, you guessed it, something else in the life of Kushan has went miserably wrong, this time it's the parents....again...
Why do I say again? Well, let me tell you all a little secret - I hate my stepmum. I mean, I REALLY hate her, she's a manipulative, lying cow, and I wish she would crawl off and die, I wished that for the past 5 years of my life, and not for one stinking moment have I ever felt any different, not even during those times when you're closer to everyone around you, like Christmas.
Y'see, since almost day 1 since my dad introduced me to her, I've managed to "upset" her in some way on a regular basis, although she doesn't say it at the time, oh no, she waits until I'm out of the room where I can't defend myself, then she puts on the water works for my dad, he gets all depressed and I get put in the shit,it happens all the time, at least once a month, and for one moment do I get a chance to put in MY say? Nope, not at all, My dad believes every word she says, there's even been times when my "actions" have supposedly upset her, even though my dad was in the room at that very same time, and he thought that what I said was ok, he didn't mind, he wouldn't have gotton upset, but because later she bursts into tears in his arms, I get smacked, happens all the fucking time, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
I'll give you a fucking great example of one such time. The 3 of us were discussing movies, just different movies, nothing major, and I just happen to say to Kathleen (That's the bitch's name) "The films you watch wouldn't really be my kind of thing" (It's true, she likes all those romantic true story things, I prefer blood, gore, shooting etc.), an innocent enough comment, my dad herd it, didn't say a work, and the conversation continued on as normal.
Next day, I get thwacked around the room by my dad because SHE thinks that that statement was intended as an insult (wtf? Even now that doesn't make sense!!) or something, did I get a say? No. Did my dad even take the time to think about it? About how stupid it was? No.
That's just one of many examples. Now I can understand maybe 1 or 2 misunderstandings, but once a month every month? Nah. not possible, especially cuz she's the only person I've ever met in my life that's ever had a problem with me, and I mean ever, I'm not saying I'm perfect or anything, but I always try my best to be nice to people, yet I can't say so much as 2 words to her without getting in shit for it later on...
My conclusion to that? Well, I think she hates me, duno why, probably never will, but she must, that's the only logical explanation, and she can manipulate my dad whenever she wants to hurt me, and she does, I just wish he wasn't such a fool for her, no...I wish she was dead, she's done nothing but bring pain and misery into my life (She's the main reason why I used to be so depressed, before I met Michelle). Thing is, I can't do anything about it, if I say anything to my dad, he'll most likely not believe me, or he'll be upset, I mean, she does make him happy at times, I'll give her that, but I don't think she loves him at all, I think she's just using him, god knows she's borrowed all sorts of cash from him and shit like that, but if she makes him happy, then i guess I can live with it for a few more years...well..with Michelle there, I can live through anything...
Yup, you guessed it, something else in the life of Kushan has went miserably wrong, this time it's the parents....again...
Why do I say again? Well, let me tell you all a little secret - I hate my stepmum. I mean, I REALLY hate her, she's a manipulative, lying cow, and I wish she would crawl off and die, I wished that for the past 5 years of my life, and not for one stinking moment have I ever felt any different, not even during those times when you're closer to everyone around you, like Christmas.
Y'see, since almost day 1 since my dad introduced me to her, I've managed to "upset" her in some way on a regular basis, although she doesn't say it at the time, oh no, she waits until I'm out of the room where I can't defend myself, then she puts on the water works for my dad, he gets all depressed and I get put in the shit,it happens all the time, at least once a month, and for one moment do I get a chance to put in MY say? Nope, not at all, My dad believes every word she says, there's even been times when my "actions" have supposedly upset her, even though my dad was in the room at that very same time, and he thought that what I said was ok, he didn't mind, he wouldn't have gotton upset, but because later she bursts into tears in his arms, I get smacked, happens all the fucking time, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
I'll give you a fucking great example of one such time. The 3 of us were discussing movies, just different movies, nothing major, and I just happen to say to Kathleen (That's the bitch's name) "The films you watch wouldn't really be my kind of thing" (It's true, she likes all those romantic true story things, I prefer blood, gore, shooting etc.), an innocent enough comment, my dad herd it, didn't say a work, and the conversation continued on as normal.
Next day, I get thwacked around the room by my dad because SHE thinks that that statement was intended as an insult (wtf? Even now that doesn't make sense!!) or something, did I get a say? No. Did my dad even take the time to think about it? About how stupid it was? No.
That's just one of many examples. Now I can understand maybe 1 or 2 misunderstandings, but once a month every month? Nah. not possible, especially cuz she's the only person I've ever met in my life that's ever had a problem with me, and I mean ever, I'm not saying I'm perfect or anything, but I always try my best to be nice to people, yet I can't say so much as 2 words to her without getting in shit for it later on...
My conclusion to that? Well, I think she hates me, duno why, probably never will, but she must, that's the only logical explanation, and she can manipulate my dad whenever she wants to hurt me, and she does, I just wish he wasn't such a fool for her, no...I wish she was dead, she's done nothing but bring pain and misery into my life (She's the main reason why I used to be so depressed, before I met Michelle). Thing is, I can't do anything about it, if I say anything to my dad, he'll most likely not believe me, or he'll be upset, I mean, she does make him happy at times, I'll give her that, but I don't think she loves him at all, I think she's just using him, god knows she's borrowed all sorts of cash from him and shit like that, but if she makes him happy, then i guess I can live with it for a few more years...well..with Michelle there, I can live through anything...
Tuesday 14 October 2003
Fuck the title, I'm too lazy to think of one...
Bleh, not a lot happened today, although me and Michelle did watch our film together, and it was good, it was "The league of extraordinary gentlemen" which I gotta admit, was really good, definitely worth watching some time. It's hard to explain about it, I mean, it's a good movie, but it's hard to describe the plot to it...er...just bloddy watch it, then you'll know:P
Gotta admit, she picked a good movie:D
I downloaded Halo, as I found that my PC just about meets the min specs (It requires a 733Mhz CPu and mine is 700, so it's close) and although it's fairly playable, I decided to leave it until I get a better PC, which isn't going to be any time soon, but oh well.
The list of games I wanna play but can't cuz my PC is just too slow is growing every day, MGS2, Silent Hill 2, Homeworld 2 (God, that nearly killed me when I found out I couldn't play it) and now Halo. God dammit, the life of a Kat is never easy...*sobs*
Gotta admit, she picked a good movie:D
I downloaded Halo, as I found that my PC just about meets the min specs (It requires a 733Mhz CPu and mine is 700, so it's close) and although it's fairly playable, I decided to leave it until I get a better PC, which isn't going to be any time soon, but oh well.
The list of games I wanna play but can't cuz my PC is just too slow is growing every day, MGS2, Silent Hill 2, Homeworld 2 (God, that nearly killed me when I found out I couldn't play it) and now Halo. God dammit, the life of a Kat is never easy...*sobs*
Monday 13 October 2003
Sw1p3s0rs t3h Baps0rs!
I managed to get some free cash, plus free food today, so that was pretty sweet.
Y'see, I decided that I'd like Bap (Big round bread thing) for my lunch today, so I ordered that, plus a tin of Red-bull (Well, it wasn't Red bull, it was something called "Rox" which is basically the same thing), total cost: £2. I handed the guy a £5 note, and he gave me £8 change, you do the math. £5 - £2 is NOT £8, not that I cared :D.
Aaaaaaaaanyhoo...
Somehow managed to finish off that damn wallpapering today, turns out my dad did a shit load of it by himself while I was at school, but anyway, it's done now and that's all that matters.
Erm...not a lot else to talk about really, oh Michelle made a nice gesture, she gave me a link to download a film, which we plan to watch together tomorrow. Isn't that nice? We can still do couple stuff even though we're not together in person :)
Well, I'm off to bed now, Good night.
Y'see, I decided that I'd like Bap (Big round bread thing) for my lunch today, so I ordered that, plus a tin of Red-bull (Well, it wasn't Red bull, it was something called "Rox" which is basically the same thing), total cost: £2. I handed the guy a £5 note, and he gave me £8 change, you do the math. £5 - £2 is NOT £8, not that I cared :D.
Aaaaaaaaanyhoo...
Somehow managed to finish off that damn wallpapering today, turns out my dad did a shit load of it by himself while I was at school, but anyway, it's done now and that's all that matters.
Erm...not a lot else to talk about really, oh Michelle made a nice gesture, she gave me a link to download a film, which we plan to watch together tomorrow. Isn't that nice? We can still do couple stuff even though we're not together in person :)
Well, I'm off to bed now, Good night.
Sunday 12 October 2003
"I aint Kushan's GF....I am his Mistress"
Sometimes...people don't quite know just what I have to put up with....
Anyhoo, enough about the woman...
Did some of that wallpapering today, we decided to do it bit by bit, only a couple of hours a day, it'll take a few extra days, but at least it wont feel like such a chore.
Oh I was glad to see Schumacher getting his 6th world title today in the F1. I'm not a big F1 fan, in fact, havn't seen a single race this year, used to be a bigger fan, tho, few years back. I got into it one day, nothing to do (Didn't even have a PC then, oh those were the days...) so I thought I'd watch TV, it was the only decent thing on, so i watched it and well, it passed the time. Duno why, but I immediately picked out Ferrari as the team I wanted to support, and they were shit then, this is going back quite a few years before even Schumacher was a driver for them. Ah well, enough nostalgia, can't really be arsed with F1 now, but I'm still always glad to see Ferrari win a race.
Now, why did I rabble on about that? Well, cuz I aint got nothing else to talk about....Erm...well, other stuff DID happen today, but i'll be damned if I put it in here, heh heh heh. I'll leave you all speculating as to what it could be;)
Either way, it was fun:D
Anyhoo, enough about the woman...
Did some of that wallpapering today, we decided to do it bit by bit, only a couple of hours a day, it'll take a few extra days, but at least it wont feel like such a chore.
Oh I was glad to see Schumacher getting his 6th world title today in the F1. I'm not a big F1 fan, in fact, havn't seen a single race this year, used to be a bigger fan, tho, few years back. I got into it one day, nothing to do (Didn't even have a PC then, oh those were the days...) so I thought I'd watch TV, it was the only decent thing on, so i watched it and well, it passed the time. Duno why, but I immediately picked out Ferrari as the team I wanted to support, and they were shit then, this is going back quite a few years before even Schumacher was a driver for them. Ah well, enough nostalgia, can't really be arsed with F1 now, but I'm still always glad to see Ferrari win a race.
Now, why did I rabble on about that? Well, cuz I aint got nothing else to talk about....Erm...well, other stuff DID happen today, but i'll be damned if I put it in here, heh heh heh. I'll leave you all speculating as to what it could be;)
Either way, it was fun:D
Saturday 11 October 2003
Since I've got notihng to do...
Well, I've got nothing to do while I wait for a download to finish, so I thought I'd update this bitch before SHE complains, heh heh.
I fell asleep last night at about this time, only I wasn't in bed, I was still at the Computer desk, so I guess I must have been really tired, woke up with the Esc Key up my nose, which wasn't fun. Although, msn magically signed me out for no reason sometime while I was asleep, so it kinda worked out, I was asleep and I was offline, so everyone probably knew I was asleep...everyone but me, that is...
Woke up at like 4 (With the Esc key up my nose) and somehow managed to make it to bed without falling over anything and killing myself, so that's a plus.
Later, when I awoke properly, I walked out of my room only to trip over a tin of paint, which my dad deliberately placed there as a hint. So I was drafted into painting...a lot of painting...which isn't exactly my idea of fun, but it's not like I had a choice. Oh well, it's done now. Sad thing is, now we have to wallpaper the hall tomorrow, which is going to take forever, as the hall in my house is pretty damn big, it usually takes a couple of days to do cuz it's so big, and I really aint in the mood for doing it, but I guess I should just get stuck in and get it out of the way.
Can't really say I did much else today, and tomorrow looks to be long and boring, sadly, but oh well.
Oh, my download is finished, so I'm done here, Chow!
I fell asleep last night at about this time, only I wasn't in bed, I was still at the Computer desk, so I guess I must have been really tired, woke up with the Esc Key up my nose, which wasn't fun. Although, msn magically signed me out for no reason sometime while I was asleep, so it kinda worked out, I was asleep and I was offline, so everyone probably knew I was asleep...everyone but me, that is...
Woke up at like 4 (With the Esc key up my nose) and somehow managed to make it to bed without falling over anything and killing myself, so that's a plus.
Later, when I awoke properly, I walked out of my room only to trip over a tin of paint, which my dad deliberately placed there as a hint. So I was drafted into painting...a lot of painting...which isn't exactly my idea of fun, but it's not like I had a choice. Oh well, it's done now. Sad thing is, now we have to wallpaper the hall tomorrow, which is going to take forever, as the hall in my house is pretty damn big, it usually takes a couple of days to do cuz it's so big, and I really aint in the mood for doing it, but I guess I should just get stuck in and get it out of the way.
Can't really say I did much else today, and tomorrow looks to be long and boring, sadly, but oh well.
Oh, my download is finished, so I'm done here, Chow!
Friday 10 October 2003
My freedom never existed....
God dammit, there I am sitting there, happily doing nothing and then I get TOLD to update my journal by HER, I mean, whatever happened to my freedom? Did I even HAVE any freedom to begin with? *thinks* Guess not, whatever freedom I had went out the window when SHE came along lol....
Anyway, enough about that, more about this.
Didn't do much of interest at school today, as usual, in fact, the most exciting thing was when I bought a packet of "Kit-Kat Kubes" and ran around showing everyone the racist chocolate (Kit-Kat Kubes = KKK). Yes, I really was that bored...
At home, I managed to get out of stripping somehow, so that's good, means I got to sit down and do nothing, which is what I do best:D
Downloaded a couple of episodes of the latest series of enterprise. It seems as though it might actually be getting better, admittedly, tho, that's not hard. Actually, I was quite happily in the middle of watching one of the episodes when I was TOLD to update this...
Noithing else of major interest happened, or if it did, I'm too lazy to type it:P
Anyway, enough about that, more about this.
Didn't do much of interest at school today, as usual, in fact, the most exciting thing was when I bought a packet of "Kit-Kat Kubes" and ran around showing everyone the racist chocolate (Kit-Kat Kubes = KKK). Yes, I really was that bored...
At home, I managed to get out of stripping somehow, so that's good, means I got to sit down and do nothing, which is what I do best:D
Downloaded a couple of episodes of the latest series of enterprise. It seems as though it might actually be getting better, admittedly, tho, that's not hard. Actually, I was quite happily in the middle of watching one of the episodes when I was TOLD to update this...
Noithing else of major interest happened, or if it did, I'm too lazy to type it:P
Thursday 9 October 2003
*Yawn*....
I was abruptly awoken last night at about 2am by my dad...because he couldn't open Internet Explorer...because the pop-up blocker I have kills the window before it even appears...
Now at first you may think that this must have been pretty confusing for the guy, thing is tho, I've had this same pop-up killer for months now, and he knows about it, and he knows that he just has to hold down Ctrl or Shift for a second while the window opens...yet last night, this information somehow vanished from his mind, and because of this, he decided to wake me up...at 2am...
To make matters worse, I couldn't get back to sleep after that, even though I was nakkerd (that means tired, it's NOT a mis-spelling of naked), didn't fall asleep until some time after 5, and then I slept through my alarm because of it, luckily, I wasn't late for school, but it was close. Heh, parents...
Once again, little of interest happened at school, well, maybe something did happen, I'm not sure, I was half-asleep the whole day. Oh wait, I think I remember destroying a CD-Rom drive on one of the Computers at school today (simple really, insert a pen lid and rip out the elastic band thingy that controls the opening and closing of the thing and it can't open...ever...) although, that might have been yesterday, not sure, ah well, the point is, damage was done:D
Tried playing the latest version of RenAlert for the first time today. Turns out, there wasn't a single server, and when I tried to play a LAN game just to test it, it crashed lol, says a lot...
Not much else has happened today, in fact, Michelle's done more cuz she's on some sort of site updating rampage thing, she's done tonnes to her site in the past few days, well, mostly adding a few nice backgrounds (A few...A FEW!?!? WTF am I talking about, she's added a shit load!!!), but since she NEVER UPDATES HER JOURNAL I guess I may as well inform y'all about them. Anyway, go here and have a look: http://www.7of12.co.uk/
I've been conned into helping my dad strip (Read on before you get any ideas you sick sick people :P) some wallpaper tomorrow. When I say some, I mean a lot. And I MEAN a LOT.........fuck.....
If anyone asks where I am, tell them I'm stripping, it'll confuse the hell out of them;)
Now at first you may think that this must have been pretty confusing for the guy, thing is tho, I've had this same pop-up killer for months now, and he knows about it, and he knows that he just has to hold down Ctrl or Shift for a second while the window opens...yet last night, this information somehow vanished from his mind, and because of this, he decided to wake me up...at 2am...
To make matters worse, I couldn't get back to sleep after that, even though I was nakkerd (that means tired, it's NOT a mis-spelling of naked), didn't fall asleep until some time after 5, and then I slept through my alarm because of it, luckily, I wasn't late for school, but it was close. Heh, parents...
Once again, little of interest happened at school, well, maybe something did happen, I'm not sure, I was half-asleep the whole day. Oh wait, I think I remember destroying a CD-Rom drive on one of the Computers at school today (simple really, insert a pen lid and rip out the elastic band thingy that controls the opening and closing of the thing and it can't open...ever...) although, that might have been yesterday, not sure, ah well, the point is, damage was done:D
Tried playing the latest version of RenAlert for the first time today. Turns out, there wasn't a single server, and when I tried to play a LAN game just to test it, it crashed lol, says a lot...
Not much else has happened today, in fact, Michelle's done more cuz she's on some sort of site updating rampage thing, she's done tonnes to her site in the past few days, well, mostly adding a few nice backgrounds (A few...A FEW!?!? WTF am I talking about, she's added a shit load!!!), but since she NEVER UPDATES HER JOURNAL I guess I may as well inform y'all about them. Anyway, go here and have a look: http://www.7of12.co.uk/
I've been conned into helping my dad strip (Read on before you get any ideas you sick sick people :P) some wallpaper tomorrow. When I say some, I mean a lot. And I MEAN a LOT.........fuck.....
If anyone asks where I am, tell them I'm stripping, it'll confuse the hell out of them;)
Wednesday 8 October 2003
Ooooh....that's nasty....
Can't say much really happened today, not even at school, was pretty boring actually, half of the teachers are away on some school trip to Lourds for the week, which means most of my time at school is spent in the study hall. Which is a bit misleading as we do practically no studying there what-so-ever, everyone justs sits there talking and listening to music and occasionally throwing things out the window (It's 4 floors up) at any unfortunate person who passes by...
Anyhoo, a friend of mine sent me this link earlier, I recommend you only click it if you're feeling adventurous and have a strong stomach: http://adorablebunnies.com/NEW%20MODEL/ Duno why I bothered warning you, you clicked it anyway, didn't you? Tut tut :P
Speaking of friends, a few of my friends at school happen to have found this, my journal, so they now know about the whole situation with me and Michelle and David, and their reaction? Well....pretty good actually, they keep calling me "da" (Which means dad for the unacquainted) which is bound to confuse the hell out of people, (but then, that's always fun :D) but they've taken it quite well, been fairly supportive too, which I wasn't expecting, but there you go, so it's all good.
Anyhoo, a friend of mine sent me this link earlier, I recommend you only click it if you're feeling adventurous and have a strong stomach: http://adorablebunnies.com/NEW%20MODEL/ Duno why I bothered warning you, you clicked it anyway, didn't you? Tut tut :P
Speaking of friends, a few of my friends at school happen to have found this, my journal, so they now know about the whole situation with me and Michelle and David, and their reaction? Well....pretty good actually, they keep calling me "da" (Which means dad for the unacquainted) which is bound to confuse the hell out of people, (but then, that's always fun :D) but they've taken it quite well, been fairly supportive too, which I wasn't expecting, but there you go, so it's all good.
Tuesday 7 October 2003
Getting back to normality...
Well, things seem to be getting back to normal..well, normal as in, no one is constantly bothering me about Michelle, and I'm pretty damn happy, so it's all good!:D
Although, Panther is still acting like a jerk, but not just towards me or Michelle, but everyone in general, if he doesn't stop soon, he'll just be seen as another ACK, someone who has good skills at something (In his case, making site layouts, but is basically a big-headed aggravating bastard.
Oh oh, speaking of ACK, he got bitchy on the forum at renevo today cuz people said "skin" instead of "texture" and after a bit of arguing, dante pwned him, hehe, check it out for a bit of a laff: http://www.renevo.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=852
Nozzy has been having computer problems for the past few months now, it keeps freezing on him, so he couldn't play any games or anything. He's tried all sorts of stuff to fix it, from updating the BIOS to buying a new GFX card, yet it all didn't work. Today, he finally decided to PAY someone to come out and have a look at it. You know what the problem was? The problem Nozzy couldn't figure out? The problem that drove him insane for months? Dust. That's right, he had too much dust on his heatsink....I'll let you think what you want on that one....
Anyway, in general, things are good, but I'm tired, so I'm off to bed, good night all.
Although, Panther is still acting like a jerk, but not just towards me or Michelle, but everyone in general, if he doesn't stop soon, he'll just be seen as another ACK, someone who has good skills at something (In his case, making site layouts, but is basically a big-headed aggravating bastard.
Oh oh, speaking of ACK, he got bitchy on the forum at renevo today cuz people said "skin" instead of "texture" and after a bit of arguing, dante pwned him, hehe, check it out for a bit of a laff: http://www.renevo.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=852
Nozzy has been having computer problems for the past few months now, it keeps freezing on him, so he couldn't play any games or anything. He's tried all sorts of stuff to fix it, from updating the BIOS to buying a new GFX card, yet it all didn't work. Today, he finally decided to PAY someone to come out and have a look at it. You know what the problem was? The problem Nozzy couldn't figure out? The problem that drove him insane for months? Dust. That's right, he had too much dust on his heatsink....I'll let you think what you want on that one....
Anyway, in general, things are good, but I'm tired, so I'm off to bed, good night all.
Monday 6 October 2003
It never rains....but it pisses down....
Well, there WAS a pretty good reason for me not updating last night, but I'm not going to reveal it here, lets just say it's yet another one of my problems to add to the list.
Although, I think all that crap with people having problems with me and Michelle is finally over with, spinkychan realised how I feel, Nozzy stopped days ago, and finally, Darkblade agreed to stop as well, I think he sort of sees my point of view now, so that's THAT out of the way...I hope...
And no matter how crappy I feel, or how many problems I've got (Yes, yes, you all know what's coming), Michelle always manages to make me feel happy, and I love her for that.
Anyway, on with the day...
Did some colouring-in in Biology today, why? Not exactly sure, but I'm willing to bet it was cuz the teacher ad a hangover and didn't want to teach us, actually, it kind of makes sense when I put it like that. Ah well, 'twas fun being back at primary school for a while...
Not much at all else happened, still pissed about last night, but I can't really do anything about that, oh well, as Long as I have Michelle, it doesn't really matter:)
Although, I think all that crap with people having problems with me and Michelle is finally over with, spinkychan realised how I feel, Nozzy stopped days ago, and finally, Darkblade agreed to stop as well, I think he sort of sees my point of view now, so that's THAT out of the way...I hope...
And no matter how crappy I feel, or how many problems I've got (Yes, yes, you all know what's coming), Michelle always manages to make me feel happy, and I love her for that.
Anyway, on with the day...
Did some colouring-in in Biology today, why? Not exactly sure, but I'm willing to bet it was cuz the teacher ad a hangover and didn't want to teach us, actually, it kind of makes sense when I put it like that. Ah well, 'twas fun being back at primary school for a while...
Not much at all else happened, still pissed about last night, but I can't really do anything about that, oh well, as Long as I have Michelle, it doesn't really matter:)
Saturday 4 October 2003
Time to catch up...
Well, not much really happened today, most exciting thing was me and Darkblade having a little fight over the comments section of last nights post, check it out if you're bored.
Since not much happened today, It'll give me time to update you all on the past few days events which I couldn't tell you about because of other things.
Well, I had a nice surprise on friday. One of my teachers complained that my work in class wasn't good enough to my yearhead. Of course, he never mentioned a thing to me about it, as far as I knew, my work was just as good as everyone else's. To make matters worse, my yearhead called my dad into the school to consult him on this matter. Once again, I wasn't told a thing about it, so now my dad is pretty pissed at me and is turning into a study nazi, which kinda blows, cuz I would have studied harder anyway had I known that there was a problem, but oh no, I guess some people get some sick sense of pleasure form getting kids into trouble with their parents when there's no need to.
Then of course all that crap with Darkblade, panther and all didn't help matters much, but I'm not gonig to go on about them, I'm sick of them as it is.
In fact, I'm pretty pissed off still, they put me in a position where I had to make a choice between my friends and the one I love and with a situation like that, you just can't win, I've made my decision to go with Michelle, and I know it's the right one, because she alone has made me feel happier than everyone else put together, but still, it's kinda sad losing friends...
They're saying that I'm going to get hurt by being with Michelle, but I don't think they've realized that by saying that, and by them saying the things they have said, THEY were the ones that hurt me, not her. But alas, nothing good can ever happen in Kushan's life without something bad to balance it off...
Since not much happened today, It'll give me time to update you all on the past few days events which I couldn't tell you about because of other things.
Well, I had a nice surprise on friday. One of my teachers complained that my work in class wasn't good enough to my yearhead. Of course, he never mentioned a thing to me about it, as far as I knew, my work was just as good as everyone else's. To make matters worse, my yearhead called my dad into the school to consult him on this matter. Once again, I wasn't told a thing about it, so now my dad is pretty pissed at me and is turning into a study nazi, which kinda blows, cuz I would have studied harder anyway had I known that there was a problem, but oh no, I guess some people get some sick sense of pleasure form getting kids into trouble with their parents when there's no need to.
Then of course all that crap with Darkblade, panther and all didn't help matters much, but I'm not gonig to go on about them, I'm sick of them as it is.
In fact, I'm pretty pissed off still, they put me in a position where I had to make a choice between my friends and the one I love and with a situation like that, you just can't win, I've made my decision to go with Michelle, and I know it's the right one, because she alone has made me feel happier than everyone else put together, but still, it's kinda sad losing friends...
They're saying that I'm going to get hurt by being with Michelle, but I don't think they've realized that by saying that, and by them saying the things they have said, THEY were the ones that hurt me, not her. But alas, nothing good can ever happen in Kushan's life without something bad to balance it off...
Friday 3 October 2003
Time for some explaining....
Ok, it appears that a lot of people got one hell of a wrong idea about last nights post, so i'm gonna try to clarify things a little.
For a start, I have no plans of leaving to live with michelle or anything, far from it. In fact, some of you seemed to have it in your head that we were going to get married or something, I mean, c'mon guys, seriously.
Fact is, not much in my life is going to change for now, all it means is that if/when Michelle's son asks about his dad, Michelle doesn't have to tell him that he has no dad, instead, she can say that his dad, who loves his mum very very much, just lives far away, isn't that better?
And in the future, when me and Michelle do get together properly, he will have a dad, not some random Irish stranger guy who hangs around with his mum a lot.
To be honest, I don't care if you understand me or not, I don't care if you feel I'm wrong, that's your opinion, but you people, those who read my journal, you are my friends, and as friends, you should be glad I'm happy, and no matter what I decide to do, you should be there for me, you should back me up, not corner me and tell me how wrong I am, or how upset YOU are that I'm not around as much as I used to be, or that I act differently. I may act differently, but it's because I'm happy, very happy, and if you don't like that, if you don't like how I'm acting now, then you may as well be saying that you don't like me being happy, and if you say that, you're not much of a friend.
I'm not asking that everyone pats me on the pack and tells me I'm doing the right thing, because I know most of you think I'm badly mistaken, all I'm asking is that you respect my decisions in life, and not criticize them.
If this is sounding familiar to you, it's because I've said it all before, many many times, but people like panther are too self-centered to actually read it, it just doesn't seem to dawn on them that I'm happy with Michelle, very very happy, and just because they had a better time with me before I met her, I'm not going to change a thing for them, because she is more important to me.
Some people are saying that I'm starting to get too serious, well, they're right, because I am serious, serious about Michelle, more serious than I've ever been in my life, and maybe if those of you who have a problem with that left me alone about it, I wouldn't have to stay so serious all of the time...
For a start, I have no plans of leaving to live with michelle or anything, far from it. In fact, some of you seemed to have it in your head that we were going to get married or something, I mean, c'mon guys, seriously.
Fact is, not much in my life is going to change for now, all it means is that if/when Michelle's son asks about his dad, Michelle doesn't have to tell him that he has no dad, instead, she can say that his dad, who loves his mum very very much, just lives far away, isn't that better?
And in the future, when me and Michelle do get together properly, he will have a dad, not some random Irish stranger guy who hangs around with his mum a lot.
To be honest, I don't care if you understand me or not, I don't care if you feel I'm wrong, that's your opinion, but you people, those who read my journal, you are my friends, and as friends, you should be glad I'm happy, and no matter what I decide to do, you should be there for me, you should back me up, not corner me and tell me how wrong I am, or how upset YOU are that I'm not around as much as I used to be, or that I act differently. I may act differently, but it's because I'm happy, very happy, and if you don't like that, if you don't like how I'm acting now, then you may as well be saying that you don't like me being happy, and if you say that, you're not much of a friend.
I'm not asking that everyone pats me on the pack and tells me I'm doing the right thing, because I know most of you think I'm badly mistaken, all I'm asking is that you respect my decisions in life, and not criticize them.
If this is sounding familiar to you, it's because I've said it all before, many many times, but people like panther are too self-centered to actually read it, it just doesn't seem to dawn on them that I'm happy with Michelle, very very happy, and just because they had a better time with me before I met her, I'm not going to change a thing for them, because she is more important to me.
Some people are saying that I'm starting to get too serious, well, they're right, because I am serious, serious about Michelle, more serious than I've ever been in my life, and maybe if those of you who have a problem with that left me alone about it, I wouldn't have to stay so serious all of the time...
Thursday 2 October 2003
Wow......
"Wow"...that's one of many words I could use to describe what happened today.
Lets see, may as well begin at the start, argued the bit out with Tox, we finally agreed on the outcome, read the comments for the previous post if you care about that.
Then, I was given a test today, although I wasn't told I was taking it at the time.
Michelle tried to give me some money through my Paypal account, and I more or less blatantly refused, taking other people's cash is something I've never liked doing. Apparently, that was just a test that her dad put her up to, to see if I was after her for her cash, well, I passed, so that's that out of the way. We then had fun playing some CS, she convinced me to install it again, we had a lot of fun, we're pretty evenly matched I thought, although she thinks otherwise lol.
But...wow..., that wasn't the half of it, oh no.
Michelle kinda popped a question today, something I tried to not think about before, but she asked anyway. Y'see, Michelle has a son, say what you will about that, but unless you know the full truth to any story, you shouldn't judge anyone, keep that in mind.
Anyway, today she asked...she asked how I would feel about becoming a father....a dad...she more or less asked me if I wanted the Job...and...well...I accepted...
To everyone who reads this journal, to everyone who is curious about my life, to my friends, to those who care about me, and to those who I care about, I let you know, I am going to become a dad, and for once in my life, I'm serious, more serious than I've ever been about anything ever. I may have changed before, I may have been the same all along, who knows, but at the prospect of becoming a dad, there's no way I could say that I'll ever be the same again, but it doesn't matter, because for once in my life, I know exactly what I'm doing.
I'll admit, I'm a little scared by the thought of it all but I'm also touched that Michelle thinks I'd make a good dad, she ment more than anything else to me before, and somehow, she means even more to me now. Now I've got 2 people to love, two people to care for, but more than that, I've got a family...
Lets see, may as well begin at the start, argued the bit out with Tox, we finally agreed on the outcome, read the comments for the previous post if you care about that.
Then, I was given a test today, although I wasn't told I was taking it at the time.
Michelle tried to give me some money through my Paypal account, and I more or less blatantly refused, taking other people's cash is something I've never liked doing. Apparently, that was just a test that her dad put her up to, to see if I was after her for her cash, well, I passed, so that's that out of the way. We then had fun playing some CS, she convinced me to install it again, we had a lot of fun, we're pretty evenly matched I thought, although she thinks otherwise lol.
But...wow..., that wasn't the half of it, oh no.
Michelle kinda popped a question today, something I tried to not think about before, but she asked anyway. Y'see, Michelle has a son, say what you will about that, but unless you know the full truth to any story, you shouldn't judge anyone, keep that in mind.
Anyway, today she asked...she asked how I would feel about becoming a father....a dad...she more or less asked me if I wanted the Job...and...well...I accepted...
To everyone who reads this journal, to everyone who is curious about my life, to my friends, to those who care about me, and to those who I care about, I let you know, I am going to become a dad, and for once in my life, I'm serious, more serious than I've ever been about anything ever. I may have changed before, I may have been the same all along, who knows, but at the prospect of becoming a dad, there's no way I could say that I'll ever be the same again, but it doesn't matter, because for once in my life, I know exactly what I'm doing.
I'll admit, I'm a little scared by the thought of it all but I'm also touched that Michelle thinks I'd make a good dad, she ment more than anything else to me before, and somehow, she means even more to me now. Now I've got 2 people to love, two people to care for, but more than that, I've got a family...
Wednesday 1 October 2003
I've changed......somehow?
According to quite a lot of people, I ahve changed recently, aparantly, I'm "not as fun" and I've somehow lost my sense of humour, and that I'm more Steve than Kushan and blah fucking blah, Y'know, I was having a really bad day up until that point, I mean, I had a shit day at school, came home to find My PC is on it's last legs (Took 3 restarts just to get the fucking mouse to work after a BSoD) and when I finally get it working, I come online to find that everyone is saying I'm not the smae, I'm different and how I don't amuse them as much as I used to, and how I'm getting too serious and blah blah blah, that just really made my day, thank you everyone for making my day just that little bit more shitty than it needed to be, thank you very much.
Oh and because I had a lot of shit on my mind, some of it because I'm now supposadly a different person, I wanted to have some time by myelf to think, just think, about me, and what happens? Tox gets all moody and bitchy and now he's pissed off at me cuz I wanted some time to think, about myself, but Nooo, that's not good enough for Him, he wanted me to hang around to amuse him as usual, after all, I'm just his jolly happy little irish fellow that's just there for other people's amusement, well I'm fucking sorry that I wanted some time alone, I'm SORRY that for once I decided to think of myself instead of looking out for everyone else like usual, I'm SORRY that I decided that for once, I wanted something for myself, I'm just SORRY that whatever thh hell I did that you didn't like wasn't acceptable, I will try not to do it again for fear of upsetting you agian...
In fact, the only good thing left for me at the moment is Michelle, if it wasn't for her, I seriuosly would have flipped at some people today.
And before any of you start blabbing on about how this shows that I'm all serious, YOU put yourself in MY position and then YOU try to act like a happy chappy, over the past few days, I've been happier than I've ever been, and I'm basically being told that it's not good enough for EVERYONE ELSE!! fuck that! and just for badness, I'm not spellchecking this. Good fucking night.
Oh and because I had a lot of shit on my mind, some of it because I'm now supposadly a different person, I wanted to have some time by myelf to think, just think, about me, and what happens? Tox gets all moody and bitchy and now he's pissed off at me cuz I wanted some time to think, about myself, but Nooo, that's not good enough for Him, he wanted me to hang around to amuse him as usual, after all, I'm just his jolly happy little irish fellow that's just there for other people's amusement, well I'm fucking sorry that I wanted some time alone, I'm SORRY that for once I decided to think of myself instead of looking out for everyone else like usual, I'm SORRY that I decided that for once, I wanted something for myself, I'm just SORRY that whatever thh hell I did that you didn't like wasn't acceptable, I will try not to do it again for fear of upsetting you agian...
In fact, the only good thing left for me at the moment is Michelle, if it wasn't for her, I seriuosly would have flipped at some people today.
And before any of you start blabbing on about how this shows that I'm all serious, YOU put yourself in MY position and then YOU try to act like a happy chappy, over the past few days, I've been happier than I've ever been, and I'm basically being told that it's not good enough for EVERYONE ELSE!! fuck that! and just for badness, I'm not spellchecking this. Good fucking night.
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