I don't mean to beat about an old horse, but I gotta say something about some things and some of them Involve Sam and Kay.
Well, it seems as though she is blaming me for her life being a bit shit at the moment, which I guess is understandable, but looking back I don't regret what I did now. At least about telling Sam the truth. I've had a lot of time to think about things, I tend to think them over a lot and I've come to some conclusions.
For example, when you say something is right or you say something is justified, you tend to think they mean the same thing.
But they don't, just because something is justified does not mean that it's right.
A good example would be Sam's previous hatred towards me. When it all kicked off he insulted me at every chance he could get. Was it right? Not really, I mean insulting people in general could never be right, but we all do it regardless. But was it justified? Yeah, it was.
I guess things are no different now, Kay hates me and it's Justified to an extent, but it's far from right, hating people...just doesn't get you anywhere in life.
I don't know where I'm really going with this, I mean Kay isn't going to read this (Check her profile, she removed me from her LJ friends) and I doubt Sam checks LJ regularly enough to view every single post his friends make, let alone mine, so just in case anyone thinks this is a shout out to either of them, it's not. It's all over and in the past and all that Jazz, I'm just expressing the contemplation about those events I've had over time.
I've also learned recently about Judging people based on an outside perspective. Not just with the whole thing with Kay, but with others as well. Like I know this one guy who does something which the vast majority of people would condemn him for immediately and not think twice of it....but he's a really nice guy and in the end he doesn't do anything that hurts anyone or anything like that.
Or last friday when I bumped into some drunk woman who slept around (a lot) and got off with anyone and everything, hasn't even been to school since December and taps random strangers for money. I was intrigued with her, I mean that description immediately screams "Avoid like the fucking plauge" to most people and even to me, but I spent a little time getting to know her and she was quite fun. Heck, I spent like 7 hours just wandering around with her (she had nice boobs too, bonus!). She's definately not the kind of girl I would go out with or do much more than get off with in the spirit of arsing around for the sake of it, in fact she's not the kind of person I would normally go near at all, but I did this time just to see...and she turned out to be quite interesting in the end.
It all makes you wonder, perhaps I over-analyze things too much, or perhaps it's all a case of me fearing how people might judge me over those recent events so much that I realised that until you meet someone and actually talk to them properly, you can't really judge them at all.
But then again, I'd known Kay for a long time, I thought I knew her inside out yet all that stuff she did just...doesn't seem like her at all. But of course, I myself only found this out from her emails, I've never even talked to that 35Year old man, it is more than possible that he was a genuinely nice person, it's more than possible that in some freak occurance that he and Kay fell in love, true love, and that I broke that up. Having been in love myself, I can understand why Kay may resent me for that alone, let alone all of the other stuff that came with it. Is the real Kay that loving, caring, compassionate person I fell in love with or is she some slapper that loves to fuck with different people?
I mean when you put it like that, it's almost like I'm talking about 2 different people, but I'm not. Everyone who came to the latter conclusion is basing it all on a few snippits of information, even myself. But the former? That's over a long period of time, that's from hours and hours and hours of talking to her and getting to know her, how does that work?
On that same note, Kay knew me for the same period of time, she knew about my true self, about how I care a lot for all of my friends and even more for those I love, she knew what things would make me happy and what would make me sad, yet all that, in one day...amounted to nothing. Why? Because I laughed at her when she was down because I blamed her for hurting me a lot. Once again, that was wrong. But by hell it was Justified.
Perhaps it's proof that all of us, no matter how good our intentions are, we make mistakes amd we have our dark side.
Or maybe I just try to see everyone else's point of view before I look at my own....
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