Things I don't need:
Money
Fame
Everlasting life
Things I want:
Purpose
A future
Somebody
Saturday 30 April 2005
Thursday 28 April 2005
It's done
It's over. It's finally over.
I didn't leave the school until 8pm, but IT'S OVER!
Today is a joyus day.
I didn't leave the school until 8pm, but IT'S OVER!
Today is a joyus day.
Wednesday 27 April 2005
On a lighter note, I thought I'd share this gem with everyone else....
Hacker deletes own hard drive
You're going down, man!
Wednesday 27 April 2005, 09:31
A CHAT CHANNEL spat ended when a wannabe hacker was duped into deleting his own hard drive.
The 26 year-old German claimed he was the baddest hacker in town and threatened to attack a moderator on #stopHipHop's RC Channel because he thought he'd been thrown out.
He demanded the moderator cough up his IP address and prepare to be hacked.
The moderator sent back a bunch of numbers and there then followed a period in which the moderator assumes all manner of hack tools were unleashed at the IP address.
Finally the hacker declared success."I can see your E: drive disappearing, he gloated, "D: is down 45 percent!" he cried, before disappearing into the ether.
It seems he'd been hot enough to hack his own address. ยต
Here's the original article
Bastard. Absolte bastard. Bastard bastard bastard.
Cro did it again (Cro = short for Crozier, my ICT teacher).
I spent a good part of the day doing MORE coursework, adding yet MORE detail and added a good 30% to my Coursework (going on the amount of paper used).
I then brought it to him, set it down beside him and said "There we go and it's still missing the source code (which takes up like about an inch of paper in depth), once I add that tomorrow it's all done"
And jsut as I was walking out he said "It's not done yet", I turned around expecting to see him reading through it but no, he hadn't even looked at it. Bastard.
I then said "Well I'll finish what you want tomorrow..." and he said "You'll have to come in on friday as well". So I had a full on rant to him about how tomorrow (thursday) was the last day for me and it was STAYING as the last day. I think I almost quoted the Simpsons "But I've already did it, it's done, we've done it again and again, it's done, it's over, it's finished, it's....DONE!".
Tomorrow. It's being finished tomorrow. I'm not going in on friday, in fact I'm going OUT on thursday night and getting my friends drunk and that's final.
Bastard.
I spent a good part of the day doing MORE coursework, adding yet MORE detail and added a good 30% to my Coursework (going on the amount of paper used).
I then brought it to him, set it down beside him and said "There we go and it's still missing the source code (which takes up like about an inch of paper in depth), once I add that tomorrow it's all done"
And jsut as I was walking out he said "It's not done yet", I turned around expecting to see him reading through it but no, he hadn't even looked at it. Bastard.
I then said "Well I'll finish what you want tomorrow..." and he said "You'll have to come in on friday as well". So I had a full on rant to him about how tomorrow (thursday) was the last day for me and it was STAYING as the last day. I think I almost quoted the Simpsons "But I've already did it, it's done, we've done it again and again, it's done, it's over, it's finished, it's....DONE!".
Tomorrow. It's being finished tomorrow. I'm not going in on friday, in fact I'm going OUT on thursday night and getting my friends drunk and that's final.
Bastard.
Tuesday 26 April 2005
Cucking Funts.
I hate coursework.
I hate everything about it.
I hate sitting there for hours and hours and hours working on one little section, only to have your teacher say "It's only worth half marks". You then Inqure as to what's missing. "It's not detailed enough". "How is it not detailed enough? What do I need to add to make it detailed enough?" I would ask. He would pick up somebody else's and say "their <random section> is 2 pages longer than yours". "Yes, but theirs is mostly waffle, in fact mine is more detailed and takes up less space". "Yours isn't detailed enough". "But his is?" "Yes, he has 2 pages more than you".
If this were a game, by now I would have beat his head in with a Monitor and then forced his cock into the laser printer. I'll show you detail.
Bastard.
So today consisted of entirely that. Didn't leave the fucking school until 6pm.
Another slight problem. He fucked up my project. Kinda. My site, which it's all based on, hasn't worked properly until today and even then it's trigger happy. "It works at my home" he says. Fat fucknig lot of good that does me.
The deadline is Thursday. I was told it was wednesday and so worked flat out yesterday and today. Nope, he meant thursday.
I'm not doing any more work after wednesday, the deadline is wednesday as far as I'm concerned and I don't give 2 shits if he fails me completely.
I was in school today until 18:00 working on it. Boo. I still have lots more to do, but by the end of tomorrow if it's not finished to his standard, I don't give a fuck, it's done.
So I came home today. My Dad is watching a small portable TV (the one from my bedroom to be exact) in the living room instead of the big TV. Turns out the big TV died. So before I'd even taken my coat off, I was told I'd have to put half towards a new TV. Which is fair enough, so to the store we went. We left at 19:08 exactly (I was looking at my watch because the taxi was taking it's time).
We get to the store, have a look around, see all of the expensive TV's. We thought "fuck that" and went and looked in Tesco instead (For the American's, Tesco is the biggest retailer in the Uk, mainly deals in food but has some clothes and the odd electronic thing). And there it was, a nice brand new widescreen TV that was actually IN budget :D
So we grabbed that, phoned another taxi and got home again at 19:45.
That was quick, wasn't it?
Nope, not enough. As I'm sitting man-handling the fucker onto the TV stand, BQFH pulls up and runs up to the door like the place is on fire or something. This was at 19:50.
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!! I'VE BEEN RINING YOU FOR OVER AN HOUR! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE GOING OUT!! YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE COMMON COURTESY TO TELL ME! I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG!!!!!"
Fuck. Me.
So I'm sitting there setting up the new TV, tuning it in and all that (Ever since I was 6 years old, I've always been the most technically minded in the house, so things like that are ALWAYS left to me) and Dad and BQFH are having it out.
She kept going on about how he should have phoned her to let her know that he was going out and that she couldn't get in contact with him and that she'd been phoning for over an hour and that she was worried because there was no answer.
Then when I was finished with the TV, I just stared them both out a bit and calmly said:
"Kathleen....for one, we left at 19:08 and you arrived here at 10 to 8. Not only that, but I had my phone with me the whole time, why didn't you phone me if you were really so worried about us?"
"Oh....I never thought..."
That shut her up. I just walked off in disgust.
For what it's worth, when I came down later on to find that they were arguing about it again, I gave her the same point only this time her reply was "I thought you were at your friend's and I didn't want to disturb you" only for me to immediately point out that that's not what she said earlier. She just ignore that. Bitch.
I guess I can have solice in the fact that she'll die before me, so I get to go to HER funeral.
I hate everything about it.
I hate sitting there for hours and hours and hours working on one little section, only to have your teacher say "It's only worth half marks". You then Inqure as to what's missing. "It's not detailed enough". "How is it not detailed enough? What do I need to add to make it detailed enough?" I would ask. He would pick up somebody else's and say "their <random section> is 2 pages longer than yours". "Yes, but theirs is mostly waffle, in fact mine is more detailed and takes up less space". "Yours isn't detailed enough". "But his is?" "Yes, he has 2 pages more than you".
If this were a game, by now I would have beat his head in with a Monitor and then forced his cock into the laser printer. I'll show you detail.
Bastard.
So today consisted of entirely that. Didn't leave the fucking school until 6pm.
Another slight problem. He fucked up my project. Kinda. My site, which it's all based on, hasn't worked properly until today and even then it's trigger happy. "It works at my home" he says. Fat fucknig lot of good that does me.
The deadline is Thursday. I was told it was wednesday and so worked flat out yesterday and today. Nope, he meant thursday.
I'm not doing any more work after wednesday, the deadline is wednesday as far as I'm concerned and I don't give 2 shits if he fails me completely.
I was in school today until 18:00 working on it. Boo. I still have lots more to do, but by the end of tomorrow if it's not finished to his standard, I don't give a fuck, it's done.
So I came home today. My Dad is watching a small portable TV (the one from my bedroom to be exact) in the living room instead of the big TV. Turns out the big TV died. So before I'd even taken my coat off, I was told I'd have to put half towards a new TV. Which is fair enough, so to the store we went. We left at 19:08 exactly (I was looking at my watch because the taxi was taking it's time).
We get to the store, have a look around, see all of the expensive TV's. We thought "fuck that" and went and looked in Tesco instead (For the American's, Tesco is the biggest retailer in the Uk, mainly deals in food but has some clothes and the odd electronic thing). And there it was, a nice brand new widescreen TV that was actually IN budget :D
So we grabbed that, phoned another taxi and got home again at 19:45.
That was quick, wasn't it?
Nope, not enough. As I'm sitting man-handling the fucker onto the TV stand, BQFH pulls up and runs up to the door like the place is on fire or something. This was at 19:50.
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!! I'VE BEEN RINING YOU FOR OVER AN HOUR! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE GOING OUT!! YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE COMMON COURTESY TO TELL ME! I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG!!!!!"
Fuck. Me.
So I'm sitting there setting up the new TV, tuning it in and all that (Ever since I was 6 years old, I've always been the most technically minded in the house, so things like that are ALWAYS left to me) and Dad and BQFH are having it out.
She kept going on about how he should have phoned her to let her know that he was going out and that she couldn't get in contact with him and that she'd been phoning for over an hour and that she was worried because there was no answer.
Then when I was finished with the TV, I just stared them both out a bit and calmly said:
"Kathleen....for one, we left at 19:08 and you arrived here at 10 to 8. Not only that, but I had my phone with me the whole time, why didn't you phone me if you were really so worried about us?"
"Oh....I never thought..."
That shut her up. I just walked off in disgust.
For what it's worth, when I came down later on to find that they were arguing about it again, I gave her the same point only this time her reply was "I thought you were at your friend's and I didn't want to disturb you" only for me to immediately point out that that's not what she said earlier. She just ignore that. Bitch.
I guess I can have solice in the fact that she'll die before me, so I get to go to HER funeral.
Sunday 24 April 2005
Hmm....that was close....
I had an interesting thing happen to me while at work.
Allow me to explain, work consists of sitting in this crappy little room with nothing but a radio (THat's radio to call in with, not to listen to), 2 chairs and a Super Ser for heat.
This is what a Super Ser Looks like: for those of you who've never seen one
It's gas powered, as you might imagine.
Anyway, it got rather hot after a while so I turned it off. Then I figured I'd have a kip, having gotton no sleep last night.
So I lean over and sort of fold my arms and place them on top of the super ser. Now on top of the Super Ser is a logbook, just something I fill in to say nobody stoled nothing from the site while I was there. Anyway, I close my eyes and begin to drift off to sleep, pretty quickly too. Then I woke up on the floor with a bit of a headache, not that I noticed cuz I felt all light headed. So I went outside to get some air, after about 10mins I felt the pain in my head, nothing major, I figured I hit my head on the floor when I fell off the thing.
And then I walked back inside and it hit me in the face like a tonne of bricks: GAS.
As it turns out, I was leaning on the button to turn on the gas for the fire, except as I didn't realise it, I wasn't hitting the spark button to ignite it, causing the gas to fill the room, all while I was asleep. I nearly killed myself. Go team Alpha.
Allow me to explain, work consists of sitting in this crappy little room with nothing but a radio (THat's radio to call in with, not to listen to), 2 chairs and a Super Ser for heat.
This is what a Super Ser Looks like: for those of you who've never seen one
It's gas powered, as you might imagine.
Anyway, it got rather hot after a while so I turned it off. Then I figured I'd have a kip, having gotton no sleep last night.
So I lean over and sort of fold my arms and place them on top of the super ser. Now on top of the Super Ser is a logbook, just something I fill in to say nobody stoled nothing from the site while I was there. Anyway, I close my eyes and begin to drift off to sleep, pretty quickly too. Then I woke up on the floor with a bit of a headache, not that I noticed cuz I felt all light headed. So I went outside to get some air, after about 10mins I felt the pain in my head, nothing major, I figured I hit my head on the floor when I fell off the thing.
And then I walked back inside and it hit me in the face like a tonne of bricks: GAS.
As it turns out, I was leaning on the button to turn on the gas for the fire, except as I didn't realise it, I wasn't hitting the spark button to ignite it, causing the gas to fill the room, all while I was asleep. I nearly killed myself. Go team Alpha.
Stuck in the middlle.....with you....
Isn't it funny how life's little issues tend to fwap around like some sort of serpent stuck between 2 rocks? Speaking of serpents, I believe the term OUROBORUS comes to mind as well. I wonder if anyone can make the Red Dwarf connection. Yes it's quite fitting actually.
The future's looking bright for ol' Kushan.
The future's looking bright for ol' Kushan.
Saturday 23 April 2005
Give into the Dark side....
While at work today, a 12 hour shift stuck inside this damn little box room feeling almost comatose, I began to think about random things.
And then I began to think about killing people, as you do.
Not anyone in particular, just people in general. Like going on a rampage with a few machine guns and grenades at a shopping centre or something.
And then I came up with this thought that's quite disturbing. At a place like that, it would be incredably easy to drop a hand grenade, unnotoced, into a crowd of busy shoppers.
Think about it, you could do it so easily and in so many places, pull the pin out while it's in your pocket and gently drop it behind you as you walk through the crowd. Grenades can have fuses in excess of 20s, so you could be well out of the way before the fatal explosion. Or even better, in a busy cafe you could just gently roll the grenade under a table behind you and leave without anyone knowing what happened. Or even a bus, a food store (Just driop one in with the fresh fruit...), anything!
It's a scary thought, I wonder why I came up with it :/
Then I began to think about what would happen if I did go on a mad rampage. I immediately thought about the News bulletins "Teenager from Ireland goes on a shooting spree - Violent Games blamed". They'd jump on that right away, one look at the majority of the games on my computer and they wouldn't think twice about it, it'd HAVE to be the influence of Counter strike, Doom, Serious Sam and all of those.
So I came to the conclusion that if, for whatever reason, I DID decide to gun down a load of people, I'd write out a little note and leave it at the scene. It'd go something like this:
"Dear everyone,
This rampage was NOT influence by violent computer games, so don't go there.
P.S. I Pwn."
If anything, It'd confuse the fuck out of them ^_^
And then I began to think about killing people, as you do.
Not anyone in particular, just people in general. Like going on a rampage with a few machine guns and grenades at a shopping centre or something.
And then I came up with this thought that's quite disturbing. At a place like that, it would be incredably easy to drop a hand grenade, unnotoced, into a crowd of busy shoppers.
Think about it, you could do it so easily and in so many places, pull the pin out while it's in your pocket and gently drop it behind you as you walk through the crowd. Grenades can have fuses in excess of 20s, so you could be well out of the way before the fatal explosion. Or even better, in a busy cafe you could just gently roll the grenade under a table behind you and leave without anyone knowing what happened. Or even a bus, a food store (Just driop one in with the fresh fruit...), anything!
It's a scary thought, I wonder why I came up with it :/
Then I began to think about what would happen if I did go on a mad rampage. I immediately thought about the News bulletins "Teenager from Ireland goes on a shooting spree - Violent Games blamed". They'd jump on that right away, one look at the majority of the games on my computer and they wouldn't think twice about it, it'd HAVE to be the influence of Counter strike, Doom, Serious Sam and all of those.
So I came to the conclusion that if, for whatever reason, I DID decide to gun down a load of people, I'd write out a little note and leave it at the scene. It'd go something like this:
"Dear everyone,
This rampage was NOT influence by violent computer games, so don't go there.
P.S. I Pwn."
If anything, It'd confuse the fuck out of them ^_^
Friday 22 April 2005
Fucking awesome...
I don't care if it's a bunch of girls and poofs singing, this is one of the most amusing things I've seen in ages:
http://gprime.net/video.php/nintendothemesacappella
Fucking. Awesome.
http://gprime.net/video.php/nintendothemesacappella
Fucking. Awesome.
Thursday 21 April 2005
Just gotta get this off my chest...
I don't mean to beat about an old horse, but I gotta say something about some things and some of them Involve Sam and Kay.
Well, it seems as though she is blaming me for her life being a bit shit at the moment, which I guess is understandable, but looking back I don't regret what I did now. At least about telling Sam the truth. I've had a lot of time to think about things, I tend to think them over a lot and I've come to some conclusions.
For example, when you say something is right or you say something is justified, you tend to think they mean the same thing.
But they don't, just because something is justified does not mean that it's right.
A good example would be Sam's previous hatred towards me. When it all kicked off he insulted me at every chance he could get. Was it right? Not really, I mean insulting people in general could never be right, but we all do it regardless. But was it justified? Yeah, it was.
I guess things are no different now, Kay hates me and it's Justified to an extent, but it's far from right, hating people...just doesn't get you anywhere in life.
I don't know where I'm really going with this, I mean Kay isn't going to read this (Check her profile, she removed me from her LJ friends) and I doubt Sam checks LJ regularly enough to view every single post his friends make, let alone mine, so just in case anyone thinks this is a shout out to either of them, it's not. It's all over and in the past and all that Jazz, I'm just expressing the contemplation about those events I've had over time.
I've also learned recently about Judging people based on an outside perspective. Not just with the whole thing with Kay, but with others as well. Like I know this one guy who does something which the vast majority of people would condemn him for immediately and not think twice of it....but he's a really nice guy and in the end he doesn't do anything that hurts anyone or anything like that.
Or last friday when I bumped into some drunk woman who slept around (a lot) and got off with anyone and everything, hasn't even been to school since December and taps random strangers for money. I was intrigued with her, I mean that description immediately screams "Avoid like the fucking plauge" to most people and even to me, but I spent a little time getting to know her and she was quite fun. Heck, I spent like 7 hours just wandering around with her (she had nice boobs too, bonus!). She's definately not the kind of girl I would go out with or do much more than get off with in the spirit of arsing around for the sake of it, in fact she's not the kind of person I would normally go near at all, but I did this time just to see...and she turned out to be quite interesting in the end.
It all makes you wonder, perhaps I over-analyze things too much, or perhaps it's all a case of me fearing how people might judge me over those recent events so much that I realised that until you meet someone and actually talk to them properly, you can't really judge them at all.
But then again, I'd known Kay for a long time, I thought I knew her inside out yet all that stuff she did just...doesn't seem like her at all. But of course, I myself only found this out from her emails, I've never even talked to that 35Year old man, it is more than possible that he was a genuinely nice person, it's more than possible that in some freak occurance that he and Kay fell in love, true love, and that I broke that up. Having been in love myself, I can understand why Kay may resent me for that alone, let alone all of the other stuff that came with it. Is the real Kay that loving, caring, compassionate person I fell in love with or is she some slapper that loves to fuck with different people?
I mean when you put it like that, it's almost like I'm talking about 2 different people, but I'm not. Everyone who came to the latter conclusion is basing it all on a few snippits of information, even myself. But the former? That's over a long period of time, that's from hours and hours and hours of talking to her and getting to know her, how does that work?
On that same note, Kay knew me for the same period of time, she knew about my true self, about how I care a lot for all of my friends and even more for those I love, she knew what things would make me happy and what would make me sad, yet all that, in one day...amounted to nothing. Why? Because I laughed at her when she was down because I blamed her for hurting me a lot. Once again, that was wrong. But by hell it was Justified.
Perhaps it's proof that all of us, no matter how good our intentions are, we make mistakes amd we have our dark side.
Or maybe I just try to see everyone else's point of view before I look at my own....
Well, it seems as though she is blaming me for her life being a bit shit at the moment, which I guess is understandable, but looking back I don't regret what I did now. At least about telling Sam the truth. I've had a lot of time to think about things, I tend to think them over a lot and I've come to some conclusions.
For example, when you say something is right or you say something is justified, you tend to think they mean the same thing.
But they don't, just because something is justified does not mean that it's right.
A good example would be Sam's previous hatred towards me. When it all kicked off he insulted me at every chance he could get. Was it right? Not really, I mean insulting people in general could never be right, but we all do it regardless. But was it justified? Yeah, it was.
I guess things are no different now, Kay hates me and it's Justified to an extent, but it's far from right, hating people...just doesn't get you anywhere in life.
I don't know where I'm really going with this, I mean Kay isn't going to read this (Check her profile, she removed me from her LJ friends) and I doubt Sam checks LJ regularly enough to view every single post his friends make, let alone mine, so just in case anyone thinks this is a shout out to either of them, it's not. It's all over and in the past and all that Jazz, I'm just expressing the contemplation about those events I've had over time.
I've also learned recently about Judging people based on an outside perspective. Not just with the whole thing with Kay, but with others as well. Like I know this one guy who does something which the vast majority of people would condemn him for immediately and not think twice of it....but he's a really nice guy and in the end he doesn't do anything that hurts anyone or anything like that.
Or last friday when I bumped into some drunk woman who slept around (a lot) and got off with anyone and everything, hasn't even been to school since December and taps random strangers for money. I was intrigued with her, I mean that description immediately screams "Avoid like the fucking plauge" to most people and even to me, but I spent a little time getting to know her and she was quite fun. Heck, I spent like 7 hours just wandering around with her (she had nice boobs too, bonus!). She's definately not the kind of girl I would go out with or do much more than get off with in the spirit of arsing around for the sake of it, in fact she's not the kind of person I would normally go near at all, but I did this time just to see...and she turned out to be quite interesting in the end.
It all makes you wonder, perhaps I over-analyze things too much, or perhaps it's all a case of me fearing how people might judge me over those recent events so much that I realised that until you meet someone and actually talk to them properly, you can't really judge them at all.
But then again, I'd known Kay for a long time, I thought I knew her inside out yet all that stuff she did just...doesn't seem like her at all. But of course, I myself only found this out from her emails, I've never even talked to that 35Year old man, it is more than possible that he was a genuinely nice person, it's more than possible that in some freak occurance that he and Kay fell in love, true love, and that I broke that up. Having been in love myself, I can understand why Kay may resent me for that alone, let alone all of the other stuff that came with it. Is the real Kay that loving, caring, compassionate person I fell in love with or is she some slapper that loves to fuck with different people?
I mean when you put it like that, it's almost like I'm talking about 2 different people, but I'm not. Everyone who came to the latter conclusion is basing it all on a few snippits of information, even myself. But the former? That's over a long period of time, that's from hours and hours and hours of talking to her and getting to know her, how does that work?
On that same note, Kay knew me for the same period of time, she knew about my true self, about how I care a lot for all of my friends and even more for those I love, she knew what things would make me happy and what would make me sad, yet all that, in one day...amounted to nothing. Why? Because I laughed at her when she was down because I blamed her for hurting me a lot. Once again, that was wrong. But by hell it was Justified.
Perhaps it's proof that all of us, no matter how good our intentions are, we make mistakes amd we have our dark side.
Or maybe I just try to see everyone else's point of view before I look at my own....
Tuesday 19 April 2005
Awesome site ^_^
This site is awesome if you have any beef with the bible:
http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/
I know it's kinda sad to think someone went through all of it and pointed out the (many, many) mistakes, but still, next time some Bible bashing fucker starts preaching to me about <insert something the church doesn't like here, like Gay marriage>, I'll have all sorts of shit to throw back at them :D
http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/
I know it's kinda sad to think someone went through all of it and pointed out the (many, many) mistakes, but still, next time some Bible bashing fucker starts preaching to me about <insert something the church doesn't like here, like Gay marriage>, I'll have all sorts of shit to throw back at them :D
Sunday 17 April 2005
If there's one man out there that rules, it's....
Tekkaman blade
He's so cool, I want to get the sex change operation just so I can have his babies ^_^
He's so cool, I want to get the sex change operation just so I can have his babies ^_^
Saturday 16 April 2005
What should I do?
A few days ago, I got a lend of a PS2 of my mate Dave. For the sole reason that I wanted to play FFX at long last.
Now for the past few days I've been playing it and...well...it's just not grabbing me like I hoped it would. Currently I'd rank it above FFIX, but nothing else (I hate FFIX the most out of the whole series).
Now I've just saved it as I arrived in the second temple, after fighting Sin on the boat and then arriving at the half destroyed town and then going through the forest.
I'm aware that at this point I'm probably still starting the game, but it's been an effort to play it up to this point alone. Should I keep playing (i.e. does it get better?) or should I quit now (i.e. If I don't like it by this point I'll never like it)?
Now for the past few days I've been playing it and...well...it's just not grabbing me like I hoped it would. Currently I'd rank it above FFIX, but nothing else (I hate FFIX the most out of the whole series).
Now I've just saved it as I arrived in the second temple, after fighting Sin on the boat and then arriving at the half destroyed town and then going through the forest.
I'm aware that at this point I'm probably still starting the game, but it's been an effort to play it up to this point alone. Should I keep playing (i.e. does it get better?) or should I quit now (i.e. If I don't like it by this point I'll never like it)?
Thursday 14 April 2005
So there's music out there that's LEGAL to download? Tch..
I owe tagdaze a big thank you (Not as much as I owe Chris, but still >_>) fow showing me this site:
http://www.ocremix.org
It contains remixes of all sorts of cool game music. For example, if you've ever played Chrono Trigger (And if you haven't, you don't know what you're missing) you might like this one:
http://www.ocremix.org/detailmix.php?mixid=OCR00988
Look around, some of the stuff is really cool.
http://www.ocremix.org
It contains remixes of all sorts of cool game music. For example, if you've ever played Chrono Trigger (And if you haven't, you don't know what you're missing) you might like this one:
http://www.ocremix.org/detailmix.php?mixid=OCR00988
Look around, some of the stuff is really cool.
Wednesday 13 April 2005
There's a lot to be said about Americans....
I just got word that an american friend of mine Called Chris, who occationally posts here, got me 2 Autographed CD's from none other than Frank Klepacki.
Now I'm sure many of you are wondering who he is. Well if you haven't heard of westwood or Command and Conquer, look away. Now.
He's the guy that did all of Westwood's music. He did the Soundtracks to all of the C&C games! (Except Generals, but guess what...it's not a C&C game).
To a major fan of the seires like me and an even bigger fan of the Music from the games, it's like hearing that a hot Naked woman is coming around to your house to cook your dinner and let you eat it from her Naked body before taking you upstairs to have you shower with her and then spend the rest of the night having hot kinky sex with her....anyway...I've lost track of what I was saying now, I know I was happy for some reason but Now I'm too horny to care.....
Now I'm sure many of you are wondering who he is. Well if you haven't heard of westwood or Command and Conquer, look away. Now.
He's the guy that did all of Westwood's music. He did the Soundtracks to all of the C&C games! (Except Generals, but guess what...it's not a C&C game).
To a major fan of the seires like me and an even bigger fan of the Music from the games, it's like hearing that a hot Naked woman is coming around to your house to cook your dinner and let you eat it from her Naked body before taking you upstairs to have you shower with her and then spend the rest of the night having hot kinky sex with her....anyway...I've lost track of what I was saying now, I know I was happy for some reason but Now I'm too horny to care.....
Monday 11 April 2005
Sunday 10 April 2005
I've officially quit WoW
I haven't logged in in over a month, I think the last time I played it was when some new patch was released a few weeks back, I never even bothered downloading said patch :S
I gave all of my money to a friend of mine called Kev. 138Gold for a level 29 Mage is pretty impressive I'd say.
Oh and with regards to the previous post, I'm still bitter about Alexander.
I gave all of my money to a friend of mine called Kev. 138Gold for a level 29 Mage is pretty impressive I'd say.
Oh and with regards to the previous post, I'm still bitter about Alexander.
Saturday 9 April 2005
Well I think it's time.....
Those of you who still want to know me, feel free to add me back to MSN.
My new MSN addy is erm....rather obvious actually:
t3h.kitteh@gmail.com
you never would have guessed, would you?
I once again apologise to anyone I may have offended or pissed off by running off. Rest assured, it wont happen again.
If you don't add me back, or reply to this or anything like that, I'll just assume you don't want to have anything to do with me again, that way nothing has to be said so no arguments or anything will hopefully happen.
My new MSN addy is erm....rather obvious actually:
t3h.kitteh@gmail.com
you never would have guessed, would you?
I once again apologise to anyone I may have offended or pissed off by running off. Rest assured, it wont happen again.
If you don't add me back, or reply to this or anything like that, I'll just assume you don't want to have anything to do with me again, that way nothing has to be said so no arguments or anything will hopefully happen.
Friday 8 April 2005
On a more lighter note...
Anyone here using MSN 7?
Yes, it's exactly like MSN 6.2 except it's got "winks" and "dynamic display pics" which are totally useless unless you're dumb enough to pay for them.
Anyhoo, there's a few ways to get them for free.
To get a free Muggin (Display pic of an animal, boy or girl that you customize, it also changes depending on your "mood")
1) Sign into MSN Messenger 7.
2) Go to Actions > Get More From Messenger.
3) Click Dynamic Display Pictures and select BlueMountain Display Pictures.
4) Click Muggins.
5) Pick your favorite Muggin and start customizing.
6) When you've finished, click "Already Have a Pin?"
7) Enter this code: bluemountainmuggin
8) Your free Muggin will automatically download to MSN Messenger 7 (depending on the user activity on that site this can take quite a few seconds).
This is what mine looks like:
Yeah it's actually quite ghey and I sure as fuck wouldn't pay £3 for one, hell I'll probably still not use it after a few days, but meh, you may as well check them out.
For FREE Winks:
1) Sign into MSN Messenger 7.
2) Go to Actions > Get More From Messenger.
3) Click Winks (click Ok if a dialog window shows up).
4) Click a Wink of your choice.
5) Click Already Have a Pin?.
7) Enter this code: bluemountainwink
8) Your free Wink will automatically be added to My Winks in MSN Messenger 7.
For FREE Characters with Moods:
1) Sign into MSN Messenger 7.
2) Go to Actions > Get More From Messenger.
3) Click Dynamic Display Pictures and select BlueMountain Display Pictures.
4) Click Characters with Moods (or whatever it's called in your language).
5) Click your favorite Character.
6) Click Already Have a Pin?.
7) Enter this code: bluemountainmood.
8) Your free Character with Moods will automatically download to MSN Messenger 7
Also, the pin numbers ares only meant to be used ONCE, but they fucked up or something so if you do one of the following you can use them as many times as you want:
1) Users of StuffPlug-NG 2, a plugin for Messenger Plus!, are able to download Muggins over and over again as long as the Oversized Display Pictures feature is turned on.
2) This technique is a bit trickier, but works with Muggins as well as Winks and Characters. Close the BlueMountain window (launched by MSN Messenger) while the Download MSN Messenger Content - Progress window appears. This way the pin will not be considered as used.
The service is getting practically DDoS'd right now, so be patient as it can be REALLY slow.
Disclamer: St0led from mess.be
Yes, it's exactly like MSN 6.2 except it's got "winks" and "dynamic display pics" which are totally useless unless you're dumb enough to pay for them.
Anyhoo, there's a few ways to get them for free.
To get a free Muggin (Display pic of an animal, boy or girl that you customize, it also changes depending on your "mood")
1) Sign into MSN Messenger 7.
2) Go to Actions > Get More From Messenger.
3) Click Dynamic Display Pictures and select BlueMountain Display Pictures.
4) Click Muggins.
5) Pick your favorite Muggin and start customizing.
6) When you've finished, click "Already Have a Pin?"
7) Enter this code: bluemountainmuggin
8) Your free Muggin will automatically download to MSN Messenger 7 (depending on the user activity on that site this can take quite a few seconds).
This is what mine looks like:
Yeah it's actually quite ghey and I sure as fuck wouldn't pay £3 for one, hell I'll probably still not use it after a few days, but meh, you may as well check them out.
For FREE Winks:
1) Sign into MSN Messenger 7.
2) Go to Actions > Get More From Messenger.
3) Click Winks (click Ok if a dialog window shows up).
4) Click a Wink of your choice.
5) Click Already Have a Pin?.
7) Enter this code: bluemountainwink
8) Your free Wink will automatically be added to My Winks in MSN Messenger 7.
For FREE Characters with Moods:
1) Sign into MSN Messenger 7.
2) Go to Actions > Get More From Messenger.
3) Click Dynamic Display Pictures and select BlueMountain Display Pictures.
4) Click Characters with Moods (or whatever it's called in your language).
5) Click your favorite Character.
6) Click Already Have a Pin?.
7) Enter this code: bluemountainmood.
8) Your free Character with Moods will automatically download to MSN Messenger 7
Also, the pin numbers ares only meant to be used ONCE, but they fucked up or something so if you do one of the following you can use them as many times as you want:
1) Users of StuffPlug-NG 2, a plugin for Messenger Plus!, are able to download Muggins over and over again as long as the Oversized Display Pictures feature is turned on.
2) This technique is a bit trickier, but works with Muggins as well as Winks and Characters. Close the BlueMountain window (launched by MSN Messenger) while the Download MSN Messenger Content - Progress window appears. This way the pin will not be considered as used.
The service is getting practically DDoS'd right now, so be patient as it can be REALLY slow.
Disclamer: St0led from mess.be
Comments removed on previous post.
The reason for that is because a friend of mine, an actual real life friend, decided to stand up for me and did the usual thing of insulting and threataning the person who he felt was doing most harm to me, I.E. Sam.
Now I didn't ask him to do it, in fact I asked him NOT to do it, but he did it anyway, it caused a fight, yadda yadda yadda.
All I'm going to say is I am not going to have any more of this what so ever. If anyone posts anything about anyone else regarding the subject of Me, Sam and Kay, the comments will just be deleted. This will continue no longer. Sam has said he's not gonig to make any more comments about me, I've said that I'm not going to post anything else about this topic at all and Kay has said more or less the same. End of story.
If ANYONE else wants to think otherwise, tough shit. It's over, end of story.
Also i'm in a bit of a bad mood beucase a different "friend" of mine tried to spike my drink with alchomichol tonight (I don't drink at all and am very...defensive...about that).
But anyway, no more to be said on the topic of the "European Love Triangle", got that everyone?
EDIT: Just to clarify, I REALLY don't want to have to make all comments screened by default, I am proud of the open aspect of my LJ, in that anyone can read any of it, including comments, without having to be listed as a "friend" or whatever.
Now I didn't ask him to do it, in fact I asked him NOT to do it, but he did it anyway, it caused a fight, yadda yadda yadda.
All I'm going to say is I am not going to have any more of this what so ever. If anyone posts anything about anyone else regarding the subject of Me, Sam and Kay, the comments will just be deleted. This will continue no longer. Sam has said he's not gonig to make any more comments about me, I've said that I'm not going to post anything else about this topic at all and Kay has said more or less the same. End of story.
If ANYONE else wants to think otherwise, tough shit. It's over, end of story.
Also i'm in a bit of a bad mood beucase a different "friend" of mine tried to spike my drink with alchomichol tonight (I don't drink at all and am very...defensive...about that).
But anyway, no more to be said on the topic of the "European Love Triangle", got that everyone?
EDIT: Just to clarify, I REALLY don't want to have to make all comments screened by default, I am proud of the open aspect of my LJ, in that anyone can read any of it, including comments, without having to be listed as a "friend" or whatever.
Thursday 7 April 2005
Everyone check your email....
Ok yeah...I'm a complete fucking idiot......
I would apologise here to everyone, but there's almost no point, I've send off a few emails to everyone who posted in that thread (Except Stocky, fucker's email addy is not on his profile, DW and Sam) to apologise a bit more personally for being an asshole. And I don't want sympathy from people, I didn't do what I did to get everyone to say they wanted me back, i'm still not sure if anyone really wants me back, biut I did it because I thought it was the right thing to do at the time (yeah, sounds retarded now).
I didn't mean to hurt you all, I seem to be getting into a bad habbit of doing that, but I will try to make it up to each and every one of you if you'll just give me the chance.
I'll tell you all where my "new" MSN addy is in time, I have a lot of groveling to do and I need to chill out a bit first.
As for Sam, I know he's going to have a field day with this. He was right, In the end I did come crawling back, but not because I planned to or because I wanted some sympathy, but because one man, a guy called Dreamwraith, talked to me. He got me thnking. I kinda stopped thinking and just did anything I could to try to make things up to sam, but now that I've had a good think and read what DW said, I know what the problem is and there's little I can do about it.
So that's why I'm going to put this whole thing with me, Sam and Kay behind me. It was a mistake, we all learned a few lessons from it, it's in the past, the end. It's up to Sam and Kay to do the same.
If Sam wants to drag this on, constantly attack me and hate me for the rest of his life that's his choice, I just hope he realises he'll end up sounding like ACK ("Reborn Sucks") once people have heard it enough and puts it behind him before he just does himself harm.
And as for Kay, I couldn't tell you if she hates me or not or if she wants anything to do with me, but like I said, I'm putting everything behind me and if she wants to do the same, then there's no reason why either of us can't be friends. In time that is.
I'm always going to feel bad about this whole thing, but it's in the past and it's time to move on.
Sometimes, we can only learn from our mistakes rather than putting them right.
And once again, to everyone. I'm sorry.
EDIT: Kane's email didn't go thorough.......
I would apologise here to everyone, but there's almost no point, I've send off a few emails to everyone who posted in that thread (Except Stocky, fucker's email addy is not on his profile, DW and Sam) to apologise a bit more personally for being an asshole. And I don't want sympathy from people, I didn't do what I did to get everyone to say they wanted me back, i'm still not sure if anyone really wants me back, biut I did it because I thought it was the right thing to do at the time (yeah, sounds retarded now).
I didn't mean to hurt you all, I seem to be getting into a bad habbit of doing that, but I will try to make it up to each and every one of you if you'll just give me the chance.
I'll tell you all where my "new" MSN addy is in time, I have a lot of groveling to do and I need to chill out a bit first.
As for Sam, I know he's going to have a field day with this. He was right, In the end I did come crawling back, but not because I planned to or because I wanted some sympathy, but because one man, a guy called Dreamwraith, talked to me. He got me thnking. I kinda stopped thinking and just did anything I could to try to make things up to sam, but now that I've had a good think and read what DW said, I know what the problem is and there's little I can do about it.
So that's why I'm going to put this whole thing with me, Sam and Kay behind me. It was a mistake, we all learned a few lessons from it, it's in the past, the end. It's up to Sam and Kay to do the same.
If Sam wants to drag this on, constantly attack me and hate me for the rest of his life that's his choice, I just hope he realises he'll end up sounding like ACK ("Reborn Sucks") once people have heard it enough and puts it behind him before he just does himself harm.
And as for Kay, I couldn't tell you if she hates me or not or if she wants anything to do with me, but like I said, I'm putting everything behind me and if she wants to do the same, then there's no reason why either of us can't be friends. In time that is.
I'm always going to feel bad about this whole thing, but it's in the past and it's time to move on.
Sometimes, we can only learn from our mistakes rather than putting them right.
And once again, to everyone. I'm sorry.
EDIT: Kane's email didn't go thorough.......
Wednesday 6 April 2005
Grr
This just gets more and more fucked up. Stand by everyone, I have some things to say to all of you. Persoanlly.
Dreamweaith...
You're a bastard, you're not allowed to make me have doubts.
*will report later when he's done killing things*
*will report later when he's done killing things*
Tuesday 5 April 2005
"Why this shit stabber deserves any form of frienship and/or conpanionship is beyond me."
He's right.
I don't deserve any kind of friendship. Rather than give people the choice of befriending me and inevitably ending up being hurt or betrayed, I'll make the choice myself.
This also stops anyone bothering me or Sam about the situation.
I'm sorry to everyone for wasting your time.
Jfk, you're a good guy, you always message me without fail, I never did understand why. You'd be alot better off talking to ANZ, he cares for things like overclocking and such much more than I ever could.
Toxin and grendies, I've known you both for so long, you come as a pair, when one disappears the other is always looking for him. You're both so different too, yet you make such excellent friends. I'm sorry I didn't speak to you or anyone else about this, but it's been on my mind for days now, since Sunday.
Chaela, I like you a lot, you seem to also understand what I could be going through, you and your husband are very unique and I'm very happy for you both, since both of you don't know any of my other online friends, I've decided to add you both to my new MSN addy, I ask that you do not disclose it to anyone.
Lord_Kane and TagDaze, I've known you two for a long time also, but I've only really spoken to you both in the last couple of weeks. You're both funny guys, I like you both a hell of a lot, I like everyone I've mentioned so far a hell of a lot and I'd love to meet you all, I know if I got to know Kane and Tag better that they'd make another pair of great friends, but after what I've done I can't let it happen, you two are such nice guys and even after you found out what I did you still spoke to me and made me laugh, I can't thank you both enough for that, but you're too nice to risk knowing me.
Miroku, I never got to know you as well as some others, but you were always there. I'd hoped to be able to get to know you better over time, but it just didn't happen. You seem like a real genuine person and probably one of the most mature people I know.
Nicola and Tanya, I knew you two through Dave. I got to know Nicola a little better than Tanya, but I still liked you both from the moment I spoke to you. You seem like such typical...girls...yet odd at the same time (for a girl that is). I know we didn't speak much, but I also know that if I ever needed to vent some steam or have a deep chat, you'd be there.
Nozzy...you were the first friend I ever made online....you may have messed up a few times, you have managed to piss us all off many times...but you're one of the best friends a guy could have. I'll miss you a hell of a lot.
And finally Sam and Kay...
I had to leave you both until the end because I was not sure what to say.
Sam, I know you don't care what I put here, but at least now that I'm gone from everyone who you know, you'll never have to worry about me again, nor will you have to badmouth me to everyone. You think I did everything to my own advantage, yet you could not have been more wrong, right now I'm walking away from this online life to start another, only this time I'll just be the guy who always plays the game and doesn't bother with the communities. I'm sorry that I could never prove to you how genuine I was this whole time about everything I said, about how much I regret doing what I did, about how I feel guilty for going behind your back and not saying. At the time it was all happening I didn't know what to do, neither did Kay. We didn't even know if it was love or not, it certainly felt like it at the time, but having never met, how could we be sure? We decided that instead of making you worry and get all upset, like Kay did when she found out about Nikki, we would just go with the flow and see what happened...
And then going to leeds, the car journy, if you remember we were listening to lots of Green Day songs, and the one song that kept getting stuck in both me AND Kay's head was time of your life....because it says "It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right....I hope you have the time of your life..."
There I was, sitting beside this woman, this girl whom I'd loved with all my heart and I couldn't so much as whisper it into her ear, I had to lie beside her as you smothered her with your hugs and kisses at night, do you have any idea how bad that felt? That night the guy fell on the tent, I didn't come out to help you because I was lazy or tired, I stayed inside because I was almost in tears and had I gotton out I probably would have cried and then you would find out and it would all be a big mess....
Like I said, we decided to go with the flow and things just got complicated....I'm sorry for not making the right choices, but after that first Kiss, there was no way either of us could tell you.....
And Kay...dearest Kay....I don't know any more....
Kay was once the most important person in my life, one day mid-summer I fell in love with her. I thought she was in love with me too, I believed it so blindly I thought that it was ok what I was doing, because love is so precious you can't waste it, and since we were both in love then we would be together forever so Kay and Sam didn't really matter because in the long run we would be toheter a lot longer than they would ever be....or so we thought...or maybe only I thought that...
We would spend entire days just talking to eachother, everything that happened seemed almost planned out, like it was set up, like it was..."fate"....
It had to be real....it just had to be...it felt too...right...for it not to be....
And then, as fast as it came...it was gone....
I don't know why, it just died. I get the feeling Kay never loved me at all. I felt bad because of it, because I lost out, but Sam won....or so I thought.
7 months later, 7 months of me despirately trying to hold onto something that was never going to be, 7 months of getting completely stressed out, hurt and having promises broken, Kay started going all weird. I thought it was just how she was acting towards me and me being a stupid emotional twat and still loving her, I felt even worse. Kay was different. The woman I spent my entire summer with yet still only spending a few days with her, was gone...this...other Kay...wasn't the same.
I put it down to stress, no matter what I tried I couldn't get her to pay any heed to me, I figured that come the summer when all of the exams and stuff were over things would change...again...for the better...to the way they used to be. I loved her until the bitter end, and because I was so attatched to this love I wanted to believe it was still there, I wanted to believe that things would end up ok. I wanted it more than anything else...
And then Sam and Kay broke up. Something was very very wrong. She "ditched" me for Sam, he was just better than me and I couldn't do anything about it, so why had she done this? She loved me so much (I believed) yet she loved Sam more...yet she broke up with him?
That's why I didn't tell Sam anything during those 7 months, because it would have broke them up, I loved her so much that when she asked me not to tell Sam anything, I agreed...
I did everything I could to make Sam believe nothing happened, it nearly worked too. I was an asshole to him about it, just to be that little bit more convinceing. For that, I'm sorry. But for what it's worth, I was just trying to keep a promise...
The whole time I could have told him and broken them up to ensure that we would be together....the whole time....after all, if she really loved me, she would understand...but I didn't.
Toxin, the one who stood by watching all this happen, the person we both ntrusted with our little secret even offered to blag it all to sam one day so that Kay blamed him, they broke up and I got the girl....I said no though...I don't know the full extent as to why...but I said no....
7 months on, they break up anyway...what was the problem? I had to know, but first I had to clear my conscience. Since they had broken up anyway, I figured that Sam may as well finally know the truth. I told him, and he was upset. I can understand why, the love of his life lying to him and going behind his back with another man....
Little did I know, I was about to find out the same thing not 20mins after I told Sam everything about Us. There was more than just 1 other guy, there were 2.....she lied to me this whole time as well.
All those months of suffering in silence, all that hope for a future with my own love...gone...in an instant....
The more I read the seedy emails the worse it became, just like Sam I was upset to find out it was someone twice her age....
But I was more than upset...I was.....angry...bitterly angry that this whole time I was led on by her. I felt so used, like I was "just another guy". I also felt betrayed because I thought what we had was special, Just like Sam did.
I didn't feel hurt, I just felt angry. I had lost a friend because I was used.
I had to tell Sam, he deserved to know as much as I did.
I told him where to look, I gave him the pass to her email.
Before sam said anything on his LJ, Kay phoned me. She was not happy with me.
I felt better. Alot better. This woman, who used me, who led me on, who made me lie to my friends, who stressed me out a hell of a lot and make me feel like complete shit was upset at me. Pissed to say the least. It felt justified.
The part that sticks in my head the most is when she said "There was no call for that..."....
Yeah....there was....Sam had to know the truth, that was all. I didn't expect to get any satisfaction from it, but I did. For a time. Then after the red bull, I began to decline. Along with my energy, my mood dropped and dropped. I still kept trying my best to make it up to sam but to no avail. With every little post, every little comment he made about me I felt worse and worse. And he is entitled to say it all.
But no matter what, I can't shift the guilt from my mind, I can't say how sorry I am to Sam, to everyone for lieing to you all....I can't put the past behind me, I just can't accept that I did all that for nothing...for to be used....like some...thing...rather than the person that I am.
And it is with all that that I must finally leave you all. I've moved my MSN account somewhere else, those of you who know me in real life have been added, allong with Chaela and Russel. That is all. I'm sorry for leaving like this, I'm sorry for being such a bad person, but as Sam said, I don't deserve to have friends.
There is no way to contact me, don't try to find me, you'll only regret it.
Goodbye everyone I've known for the past 2 years.
I don't deserve any kind of friendship. Rather than give people the choice of befriending me and inevitably ending up being hurt or betrayed, I'll make the choice myself.
This also stops anyone bothering me or Sam about the situation.
I'm sorry to everyone for wasting your time.
Jfk, you're a good guy, you always message me without fail, I never did understand why. You'd be alot better off talking to ANZ, he cares for things like overclocking and such much more than I ever could.
Toxin and grendies, I've known you both for so long, you come as a pair, when one disappears the other is always looking for him. You're both so different too, yet you make such excellent friends. I'm sorry I didn't speak to you or anyone else about this, but it's been on my mind for days now, since Sunday.
Chaela, I like you a lot, you seem to also understand what I could be going through, you and your husband are very unique and I'm very happy for you both, since both of you don't know any of my other online friends, I've decided to add you both to my new MSN addy, I ask that you do not disclose it to anyone.
Lord_Kane and TagDaze, I've known you two for a long time also, but I've only really spoken to you both in the last couple of weeks. You're both funny guys, I like you both a hell of a lot, I like everyone I've mentioned so far a hell of a lot and I'd love to meet you all, I know if I got to know Kane and Tag better that they'd make another pair of great friends, but after what I've done I can't let it happen, you two are such nice guys and even after you found out what I did you still spoke to me and made me laugh, I can't thank you both enough for that, but you're too nice to risk knowing me.
Miroku, I never got to know you as well as some others, but you were always there. I'd hoped to be able to get to know you better over time, but it just didn't happen. You seem like a real genuine person and probably one of the most mature people I know.
Nicola and Tanya, I knew you two through Dave. I got to know Nicola a little better than Tanya, but I still liked you both from the moment I spoke to you. You seem like such typical...girls...yet odd at the same time (for a girl that is). I know we didn't speak much, but I also know that if I ever needed to vent some steam or have a deep chat, you'd be there.
Nozzy...you were the first friend I ever made online....you may have messed up a few times, you have managed to piss us all off many times...but you're one of the best friends a guy could have. I'll miss you a hell of a lot.
And finally Sam and Kay...
I had to leave you both until the end because I was not sure what to say.
Sam, I know you don't care what I put here, but at least now that I'm gone from everyone who you know, you'll never have to worry about me again, nor will you have to badmouth me to everyone. You think I did everything to my own advantage, yet you could not have been more wrong, right now I'm walking away from this online life to start another, only this time I'll just be the guy who always plays the game and doesn't bother with the communities. I'm sorry that I could never prove to you how genuine I was this whole time about everything I said, about how much I regret doing what I did, about how I feel guilty for going behind your back and not saying. At the time it was all happening I didn't know what to do, neither did Kay. We didn't even know if it was love or not, it certainly felt like it at the time, but having never met, how could we be sure? We decided that instead of making you worry and get all upset, like Kay did when she found out about Nikki, we would just go with the flow and see what happened...
And then going to leeds, the car journy, if you remember we were listening to lots of Green Day songs, and the one song that kept getting stuck in both me AND Kay's head was time of your life....because it says "It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right....I hope you have the time of your life..."
There I was, sitting beside this woman, this girl whom I'd loved with all my heart and I couldn't so much as whisper it into her ear, I had to lie beside her as you smothered her with your hugs and kisses at night, do you have any idea how bad that felt? That night the guy fell on the tent, I didn't come out to help you because I was lazy or tired, I stayed inside because I was almost in tears and had I gotton out I probably would have cried and then you would find out and it would all be a big mess....
Like I said, we decided to go with the flow and things just got complicated....I'm sorry for not making the right choices, but after that first Kiss, there was no way either of us could tell you.....
And Kay...dearest Kay....I don't know any more....
Kay was once the most important person in my life, one day mid-summer I fell in love with her. I thought she was in love with me too, I believed it so blindly I thought that it was ok what I was doing, because love is so precious you can't waste it, and since we were both in love then we would be together forever so Kay and Sam didn't really matter because in the long run we would be toheter a lot longer than they would ever be....or so we thought...or maybe only I thought that...
We would spend entire days just talking to eachother, everything that happened seemed almost planned out, like it was set up, like it was..."fate"....
It had to be real....it just had to be...it felt too...right...for it not to be....
And then, as fast as it came...it was gone....
I don't know why, it just died. I get the feeling Kay never loved me at all. I felt bad because of it, because I lost out, but Sam won....or so I thought.
7 months later, 7 months of me despirately trying to hold onto something that was never going to be, 7 months of getting completely stressed out, hurt and having promises broken, Kay started going all weird. I thought it was just how she was acting towards me and me being a stupid emotional twat and still loving her, I felt even worse. Kay was different. The woman I spent my entire summer with yet still only spending a few days with her, was gone...this...other Kay...wasn't the same.
I put it down to stress, no matter what I tried I couldn't get her to pay any heed to me, I figured that come the summer when all of the exams and stuff were over things would change...again...for the better...to the way they used to be. I loved her until the bitter end, and because I was so attatched to this love I wanted to believe it was still there, I wanted to believe that things would end up ok. I wanted it more than anything else...
And then Sam and Kay broke up. Something was very very wrong. She "ditched" me for Sam, he was just better than me and I couldn't do anything about it, so why had she done this? She loved me so much (I believed) yet she loved Sam more...yet she broke up with him?
That's why I didn't tell Sam anything during those 7 months, because it would have broke them up, I loved her so much that when she asked me not to tell Sam anything, I agreed...
I did everything I could to make Sam believe nothing happened, it nearly worked too. I was an asshole to him about it, just to be that little bit more convinceing. For that, I'm sorry. But for what it's worth, I was just trying to keep a promise...
The whole time I could have told him and broken them up to ensure that we would be together....the whole time....after all, if she really loved me, she would understand...but I didn't.
Toxin, the one who stood by watching all this happen, the person we both ntrusted with our little secret even offered to blag it all to sam one day so that Kay blamed him, they broke up and I got the girl....I said no though...I don't know the full extent as to why...but I said no....
7 months on, they break up anyway...what was the problem? I had to know, but first I had to clear my conscience. Since they had broken up anyway, I figured that Sam may as well finally know the truth. I told him, and he was upset. I can understand why, the love of his life lying to him and going behind his back with another man....
Little did I know, I was about to find out the same thing not 20mins after I told Sam everything about Us. There was more than just 1 other guy, there were 2.....she lied to me this whole time as well.
All those months of suffering in silence, all that hope for a future with my own love...gone...in an instant....
The more I read the seedy emails the worse it became, just like Sam I was upset to find out it was someone twice her age....
But I was more than upset...I was.....angry...bitterly angry that this whole time I was led on by her. I felt so used, like I was "just another guy". I also felt betrayed because I thought what we had was special, Just like Sam did.
I didn't feel hurt, I just felt angry. I had lost a friend because I was used.
I had to tell Sam, he deserved to know as much as I did.
I told him where to look, I gave him the pass to her email.
Before sam said anything on his LJ, Kay phoned me. She was not happy with me.
I felt better. Alot better. This woman, who used me, who led me on, who made me lie to my friends, who stressed me out a hell of a lot and make me feel like complete shit was upset at me. Pissed to say the least. It felt justified.
The part that sticks in my head the most is when she said "There was no call for that..."....
Yeah....there was....Sam had to know the truth, that was all. I didn't expect to get any satisfaction from it, but I did. For a time. Then after the red bull, I began to decline. Along with my energy, my mood dropped and dropped. I still kept trying my best to make it up to sam but to no avail. With every little post, every little comment he made about me I felt worse and worse. And he is entitled to say it all.
But no matter what, I can't shift the guilt from my mind, I can't say how sorry I am to Sam, to everyone for lieing to you all....I can't put the past behind me, I just can't accept that I did all that for nothing...for to be used....like some...thing...rather than the person that I am.
And it is with all that that I must finally leave you all. I've moved my MSN account somewhere else, those of you who know me in real life have been added, allong with Chaela and Russel. That is all. I'm sorry for leaving like this, I'm sorry for being such a bad person, but as Sam said, I don't deserve to have friends.
There is no way to contact me, don't try to find me, you'll only regret it.
Goodbye everyone I've known for the past 2 years.
Monday 4 April 2005
Since I can't actively say anything to Sam...
I can only post my thoughts and feelings about things here, if he reads them it's his own choice.
Currently he seems annoyed that Nozzy didn't say anything about me and Kay. There's a few things I'd like to point out:
After him telling Kay about Nikki, which in Sam's own words was "in no way beneficial", does it really surprise Sam that Nozzy DIDN'T say anything about me and Her? He caused lots of pain before, so why would he want to do the same thing again? The only difference here is that Sam was the one who was not in the know, as opposed to it being Kay the last time.
Either way, Nozzy did both things (that is, tell and not tell) and Sam got upset no matter what he did. Also, I specifically told Nozzy not to say anything and since I'm the worst person on the planet right now, I may as well take the blame for that too.
Nozzy is a good soul, he sometimes does the wrong things but he does them for the right reasons.
It's things like this that make me think that everyone should just be totally honest with eachother, that way other people wouldn't get caught up in stuff like this and so much hurt and pain would be avoided.
Currently he seems annoyed that Nozzy didn't say anything about me and Kay. There's a few things I'd like to point out:
After him telling Kay about Nikki, which in Sam's own words was "in no way beneficial", does it really surprise Sam that Nozzy DIDN'T say anything about me and Her? He caused lots of pain before, so why would he want to do the same thing again? The only difference here is that Sam was the one who was not in the know, as opposed to it being Kay the last time.
Either way, Nozzy did both things (that is, tell and not tell) and Sam got upset no matter what he did. Also, I specifically told Nozzy not to say anything and since I'm the worst person on the planet right now, I may as well take the blame for that too.
Nozzy is a good soul, he sometimes does the wrong things but he does them for the right reasons.
It's things like this that make me think that everyone should just be totally honest with eachother, that way other people wouldn't get caught up in stuff like this and so much hurt and pain would be avoided.
Sunday 3 April 2005
Just so everyone Knows...
Sam asked me to stop trying to make contact with him, and that's fair enough.
So if anyone decides that we should still be friends, it's up to him now and I can't do anything more about it.
And when I say it's up to him, I mean don't bother him about it.
So if anyone decides that we should still be friends, it's up to him now and I can't do anything more about it.
And when I say it's up to him, I mean don't bother him about it.
Ok, that's....freaky....
Most of you probably know I like the chemical brothers a lot, like them or loath them, I have their new album. Didn't buy it of course :P
But anyway I was listening to it on my phone the other day and this one song stuck in my head
The Chemical Brothers - Close Your Eyes
Now it's nothing like Galvanise or anything (that has a good intro, the rest sucks), it's more sort of mellowy.
Anyway, It stuck in my head but I couldn't actually make out most of the words, just bits and pieces, no idea what it was about. But still it stuck, at first I thought it was the tune, figured I liked it. Then out of curiosity and boredom I looked up the lyrics (there's lots of bits where 2 people are saying 2 different things at once, partly why it was so confusing).
Now I think I know why it stuck in my head.
In your eyes I can see, that you're cracking up,
In your eyes I can see, that you've had enough (and it pains my head)
In your eyes I can see, that you're cracking up,
In your eyes I can see, that you fell in love (and it pains my head)
What - if - all - the - ones.
(In your eyes I can see, that you're cracking up [and it pains my head])
What - if - all - the - ones.
(In your eyes I can see, that you fell in love [and it pains my head])
What - if - all - the - ones come into me! (and it pains my head)
(In your eyes I can see)
What - if - all - the - ones come into me! (and it pains my head)
(In your eyes I can see)
I'll end this song for you,
I'll end this song for you, unless you love her.
I'll end this song for you,
I'll end this song for you, unless you love her.
Should I walk, should I wait, (turn the radio on, turn the radio on now)
what I found, Love is in the hands of tomorrow.
(turn the radio on, turn the radio on now)
Should I walk, should I wait, (turn the radio on, turn the radio on now)
what I found, Love is in the hands of tomorrow.
(turn the radio on, turn the radio on now)
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
But anyway I was listening to it on my phone the other day and this one song stuck in my head
The Chemical Brothers - Close Your Eyes
Now it's nothing like Galvanise or anything (that has a good intro, the rest sucks), it's more sort of mellowy.
Anyway, It stuck in my head but I couldn't actually make out most of the words, just bits and pieces, no idea what it was about. But still it stuck, at first I thought it was the tune, figured I liked it. Then out of curiosity and boredom I looked up the lyrics (there's lots of bits where 2 people are saying 2 different things at once, partly why it was so confusing).
Now I think I know why it stuck in my head.
In your eyes I can see, that you're cracking up,
In your eyes I can see, that you've had enough (and it pains my head)
In your eyes I can see, that you're cracking up,
In your eyes I can see, that you fell in love (and it pains my head)
What - if - all - the - ones.
(In your eyes I can see, that you're cracking up [and it pains my head])
What - if - all - the - ones.
(In your eyes I can see, that you fell in love [and it pains my head])
What - if - all - the - ones come into me! (and it pains my head)
(In your eyes I can see)
What - if - all - the - ones come into me! (and it pains my head)
(In your eyes I can see)
I'll end this song for you,
I'll end this song for you, unless you love her.
I'll end this song for you,
I'll end this song for you, unless you love her.
Should I walk, should I wait, (turn the radio on, turn the radio on now)
what I found, Love is in the hands of tomorrow.
(turn the radio on, turn the radio on now)
Should I walk, should I wait, (turn the radio on, turn the radio on now)
what I found, Love is in the hands of tomorrow.
(turn the radio on, turn the radio on now)
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
What if it all were to change like I thought it would.
o_o
Last night was pretty awesome I must say.
The whole day I was on my little high, then I met up with the lads for the big celebration.
It was pretty cool, lots of random people I barely know kept giving me stuff.
Also, people kept buying me drinks, which was even better. I started off on the pepsi as usual (fucking wetherspoons doesn't do coke :( ) and then when we all went to the big room my dad rented out someone bought me a red bull. Then another one. And as I kept drinking them, people kept buying them.
If you remember back to my formal, I drank like 3 and went nuts. 3 Tins that is (200ml).
Well this place only sold bottles (250ml).
And the best part was just as I was finishing bottle number 6 or 7, a gay friend of mine went to the bar, bought 6 bottles at once and set them in front of me saying "Happy birthday".
I had to drink them. Or at least try.
12 Bottles of Red Bull. Fuck me.
I'm still twitching like a mother fucker o_o
It was a pretty awesome night all in all, however now the effects of the red bull have dropped substantially and I'm on a bit of a twitchy downer, but I'll be ok. Going out again tonight (Yes, on a sunday and yes, I have school on monday :D) so that should be fun.
I'm hoping it's the effects of the Red Bull leaving my system, but I'm begining to feel really really bad about the Whole Sam and Kay thing (Telling him that is, I've always felt bad for doing it). I mean because I told him about it, I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do. A few people have told me it was, and in fact the only person who has said it wasn't was Kay, but you know....
I just figured that if it was me, I'd want to know.
The whole day I was on my little high, then I met up with the lads for the big celebration.
It was pretty cool, lots of random people I barely know kept giving me stuff.
Also, people kept buying me drinks, which was even better. I started off on the pepsi as usual (fucking wetherspoons doesn't do coke :( ) and then when we all went to the big room my dad rented out someone bought me a red bull. Then another one. And as I kept drinking them, people kept buying them.
If you remember back to my formal, I drank like 3 and went nuts. 3 Tins that is (200ml).
Well this place only sold bottles (250ml).
And the best part was just as I was finishing bottle number 6 or 7, a gay friend of mine went to the bar, bought 6 bottles at once and set them in front of me saying "Happy birthday".
I had to drink them. Or at least try.
12 Bottles of Red Bull. Fuck me.
I'm still twitching like a mother fucker o_o
It was a pretty awesome night all in all, however now the effects of the red bull have dropped substantially and I'm on a bit of a twitchy downer, but I'll be ok. Going out again tonight (Yes, on a sunday and yes, I have school on monday :D) so that should be fun.
I'm hoping it's the effects of the Red Bull leaving my system, but I'm begining to feel really really bad about the Whole Sam and Kay thing (Telling him that is, I've always felt bad for doing it). I mean because I told him about it, I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do. A few people have told me it was, and in fact the only person who has said it wasn't was Kay, but you know....
I just figured that if it was me, I'd want to know.
Saturday 2 April 2005
In light of recent events,,,,
I want to know where I stand with everyone, now that you all know what I've done.
I'm not quite sure how I want to go about this, wether people want to tell me the truth but don't want me to know it's them or whatever and stuff.
So here's the idea, all comments will be screened at first, even if it's anonymous or not and you post what you want.
Then, you put IN the post if you want it to be screened or Uncreened.
If you do NOT post what you want, I will decide myself, so make sure you put a "screen me" or "unscreen me" at the bottom or something.
Post anonymous, post as someone else, post however you want, just let me know where I stand with you.
And in case you're a bit thick, it's the whole me going behind sam's back with kay and not telling him until they broke up thing I'm referring to.
EDIT: You can also post your opinions on what I've done (or are doing) as of recent times regarding this, if it was the right choice to tell sam or not, stuff like that.
Feel free to make multiple comments (in case you want to say stuff that remains screened as well as stuff that can be unscreened).
I'm not quite sure how I want to go about this, wether people want to tell me the truth but don't want me to know it's them or whatever and stuff.
So here's the idea, all comments will be screened at first, even if it's anonymous or not and you post what you want.
Then, you put IN the post if you want it to be screened or Uncreened.
If you do NOT post what you want, I will decide myself, so make sure you put a "screen me" or "unscreen me" at the bottom or something.
Post anonymous, post as someone else, post however you want, just let me know where I stand with you.
And in case you're a bit thick, it's the whole me going behind sam's back with kay and not telling him until they broke up thing I'm referring to.
EDIT: You can also post your opinions on what I've done (or are doing) as of recent times regarding this, if it was the right choice to tell sam or not, stuff like that.
Feel free to make multiple comments (in case you want to say stuff that remains screened as well as stuff that can be unscreened).
Oh baby baby
Right now. Right this second. Right at this very moment in time. I am the happiest motherfucker on the planet. Yes sir-ee, I sure fucking am :D
And you know what the best part of that is? I'm not being sarcastic!
Oh man, this is great.
Ok, I'll first of all point you to darkblade's journal: evilpete, he'll explain the jist of it.
Now I'll add in my bits.
He talks of a physical relationship. That was me.
Yes I'm a bastard I'm sorry to say, I went to Leeds and had a fling with Spinkychan (more on her later).
It was a summer romance that I thought was the real thing. Turned out to be more like a dick in the ass.
She tried her shit on with me, some stuff happend but really...not a lot. (as of that point and beyond I was still a virgin).
Now after that, all Spinky did was sort of Jib me off and treat me like shit. Now that I think about it, it was probably because she wasn't able to get jiggy with me (I may have been a bastard, but I did have SOME limits) That really hurt me. At the time I genuinely loved her.
Oh well.
Now the reason I didn't tell Sam (Darkblade) was becasue I really didn't want to hurt him. Also Kay asked me not to, becasue she supposedly loved him and all that and didn't want to break up with him. Tch. That turned out to be bullshit as we found out. I'm guessing she picked sam over me at that time becasue she could fuck him or something.
But anyway, skip forward to a few days ago. Kay breaks up with Sam, I tell sam everything I know about me and her. He's none too happy, and I don't blame him.
Now all this brings back some memories and such from Leeds and what not, and I get to tihkning I wanted those good times back, so I figure "I know! I still have spinky's password (lovers trust eachother blindly), I'll go see if there's any emails that reveal why she's been so off lately (with the not talking to anyone and such).
And low and behold I find all these emails from a clan mate of Darkblades.
I didn't know it was a clan mate until I noticed the "Ding Dong" bit. I remember Spinky talking about him lots. How convenient.
Turns out "Ding Dong" was like a code phrase for "you're making me horny, Kay" or something like that.
Then I skip back a bit more and find lots more sorded emails form another (most likely former) friend of Sams. This was not good.
Despite the fact that Sam told me to never speak to him again, I had to tell him this, he deserved to know the truth, just like I did.
And so I told him.
And that's where the post before my previous post originates.
Not long after, about an hour or so I'd say, I get a phone call.
From Kay.
Oh god. That was funny.
See as I found all this out, i couldn't help but think that she just used me, probably wanted a bit of Irish in her or something, and me being a stupid cunt I fell for it. And she knows that the one thing I hate the most in ANY relationship is lieing. Fuck me, she told so many lies I've lost count.
But anyway, Back to the phone call. She's sitting there on the pohne, asking me why I went and Told Sam.
I just laughed. I couldn't help it. This woman is on the phone telling ME that after all she's done to both me AND Sam that I had no right to tell Sam what was basiaclly the truh, that she's a bit of a whore.
I was so happy, I mean do you know how great it feels to have one person twist and churn your heart about, to rip your deepest innermost feelings from your body, to break promise after promise after promise and make you feel like shit for 7 months straght AND make you go a little crazy. And then to finally have that moment of pure Bliss, pure, sweet revenge, to see this bringer of pain fall from her mighty piller, to see someone who has, quite frankly....fucked up more than she's ever fucked up before...sit there....on the phone. While you laugh at her. Do you have any idea how quickly that can make 7 months of pain vanish?
I mean I used to put everything into this journal, all my problems and stuff could go in here and I'd get them off of my chest, I'm not really one for discussing things at length with people, but an LJ post? Now that I could do and it helped a lot.
But I couldn't post all these feelings of guilt, sadness, hurt, I jsut couldn't...Sam would find out. Alot of you might have even noticed the LJ posts diminishing and being replaced with crap meme's and questionaires and shit. Now you all know why.
I really wanted to tell Sam the truth for so fucking long, any of you that have known me for any length of time know I think about things a lot, they dwell on my concience. And believe me that was no exception.
Some of you might have noticed me going a little crazy and running off just before Uber came. It was partly because I was so fucking stressed with all this on my mind, also toxin was being a cunt or something.
But anyway, I feel really bad for Sam, who still hates me a lot and I really don't blame him.
I just feel kinda bad that right now I'm on top of the world because that bitch got put in her place and Sam is really down about it all...probably...I mean he hasn't really spoken to me since I told him it all, he just told me to fuck off in an LJ post, and although that might sound a bit harsh, after what I've done he's perfectly within his right to.
All of you that have known spinkychan, forget about what you think about her. She is everything Sam says she is and more.
Now I'm going out tonight to celebrate my 18th. Monday was the occation, tonight is the celebration. Kay never got me a birthday prezzie, but this will do quite nicely thank-you-very-much :)
And you know what the best part of that is? I'm not being sarcastic!
Oh man, this is great.
Ok, I'll first of all point you to darkblade's journal: evilpete, he'll explain the jist of it.
Now I'll add in my bits.
He talks of a physical relationship. That was me.
Yes I'm a bastard I'm sorry to say, I went to Leeds and had a fling with Spinkychan (more on her later).
It was a summer romance that I thought was the real thing. Turned out to be more like a dick in the ass.
She tried her shit on with me, some stuff happend but really...not a lot. (as of that point and beyond I was still a virgin).
Now after that, all Spinky did was sort of Jib me off and treat me like shit. Now that I think about it, it was probably because she wasn't able to get jiggy with me (I may have been a bastard, but I did have SOME limits) That really hurt me. At the time I genuinely loved her.
Oh well.
Now the reason I didn't tell Sam (Darkblade) was becasue I really didn't want to hurt him. Also Kay asked me not to, becasue she supposedly loved him and all that and didn't want to break up with him. Tch. That turned out to be bullshit as we found out. I'm guessing she picked sam over me at that time becasue she could fuck him or something.
But anyway, skip forward to a few days ago. Kay breaks up with Sam, I tell sam everything I know about me and her. He's none too happy, and I don't blame him.
Now all this brings back some memories and such from Leeds and what not, and I get to tihkning I wanted those good times back, so I figure "I know! I still have spinky's password (lovers trust eachother blindly), I'll go see if there's any emails that reveal why she's been so off lately (with the not talking to anyone and such).
And low and behold I find all these emails from a clan mate of Darkblades.
I didn't know it was a clan mate until I noticed the "Ding Dong" bit. I remember Spinky talking about him lots. How convenient.
Turns out "Ding Dong" was like a code phrase for "you're making me horny, Kay" or something like that.
Then I skip back a bit more and find lots more sorded emails form another (most likely former) friend of Sams. This was not good.
Despite the fact that Sam told me to never speak to him again, I had to tell him this, he deserved to know the truth, just like I did.
And so I told him.
And that's where the post before my previous post originates.
Not long after, about an hour or so I'd say, I get a phone call.
From Kay.
Oh god. That was funny.
See as I found all this out, i couldn't help but think that she just used me, probably wanted a bit of Irish in her or something, and me being a stupid cunt I fell for it. And she knows that the one thing I hate the most in ANY relationship is lieing. Fuck me, she told so many lies I've lost count.
But anyway, Back to the phone call. She's sitting there on the pohne, asking me why I went and Told Sam.
I just laughed. I couldn't help it. This woman is on the phone telling ME that after all she's done to both me AND Sam that I had no right to tell Sam what was basiaclly the truh, that she's a bit of a whore.
I was so happy, I mean do you know how great it feels to have one person twist and churn your heart about, to rip your deepest innermost feelings from your body, to break promise after promise after promise and make you feel like shit for 7 months straght AND make you go a little crazy. And then to finally have that moment of pure Bliss, pure, sweet revenge, to see this bringer of pain fall from her mighty piller, to see someone who has, quite frankly....fucked up more than she's ever fucked up before...sit there....on the phone. While you laugh at her. Do you have any idea how quickly that can make 7 months of pain vanish?
I mean I used to put everything into this journal, all my problems and stuff could go in here and I'd get them off of my chest, I'm not really one for discussing things at length with people, but an LJ post? Now that I could do and it helped a lot.
But I couldn't post all these feelings of guilt, sadness, hurt, I jsut couldn't...Sam would find out. Alot of you might have even noticed the LJ posts diminishing and being replaced with crap meme's and questionaires and shit. Now you all know why.
I really wanted to tell Sam the truth for so fucking long, any of you that have known me for any length of time know I think about things a lot, they dwell on my concience. And believe me that was no exception.
Some of you might have noticed me going a little crazy and running off just before Uber came. It was partly because I was so fucking stressed with all this on my mind, also toxin was being a cunt or something.
But anyway, I feel really bad for Sam, who still hates me a lot and I really don't blame him.
I just feel kinda bad that right now I'm on top of the world because that bitch got put in her place and Sam is really down about it all...probably...I mean he hasn't really spoken to me since I told him it all, he just told me to fuck off in an LJ post, and although that might sound a bit harsh, after what I've done he's perfectly within his right to.
All of you that have known spinkychan, forget about what you think about her. She is everything Sam says she is and more.
Now I'm going out tonight to celebrate my 18th. Monday was the occation, tonight is the celebration. Kay never got me a birthday prezzie, but this will do quite nicely thank-you-very-much :)
Shit...
You ever get it when you have to tell someone something that's really bad, but they should know about it, even though it's enough to make them want to kill themselves?
What do you do? What's the right thing to say and do?
If you tell them, they'll hate you forever. If they don't and find out, they'll hate you forever. If they don't find out, they'll get hurt really really badly.
Welcome to Earth.
What do you do? What's the right thing to say and do?
If you tell them, they'll hate you forever. If they don't and find out, they'll hate you forever. If they don't find out, they'll get hurt really really badly.
Welcome to Earth.
Friday 1 April 2005
Go Nuts, people...
01. Who are you, what's our relationship?
02. How and where did we meet?
03. What's my middle name?
04. How long have you known me?
05. Tell me one good thing about myself?
06. When you first saw me, what was your impression?
07. My age?
08. Birthday?
09. My favorite band at the moment?
10. Color eyes?
11. Do I have any siblings?
12. Have you ever had a crush on me?
13. What's one of my favorite things to do?
14. Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?
15. Describe me in 3 words.
16. Name 5 things I love.
17. Do you think I'm good-looking?
18. How would you describe me to someone?
19. Would you ever date me?
20. Tell me one thing you've always wanted to say but never did.
21. What do you like most about me?
22. If we could spend a day together, what would we do?
23. Have we ever gotten in a fight?
24. Do you think we will be friends for at least three or four more years?
25. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
26. What do you think my weakness is?
27. Do you think I'll get married?
28. What makes me happy?
29. What makes me sad?
30. What reminds you of me?
31. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
32. When's the last time you saw me?
33. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger, weaker, or staying the same?
34. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
35. Are you going to put this on your livejournal to see what I say about you?
36. If I were an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?
37. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
38. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
39. Would you make a move on me?
40. Do I cross your mind at least once daily?
02. How and where did we meet?
03. What's my middle name?
04. How long have you known me?
05. Tell me one good thing about myself?
06. When you first saw me, what was your impression?
07. My age?
08. Birthday?
09. My favorite band at the moment?
10. Color eyes?
11. Do I have any siblings?
12. Have you ever had a crush on me?
13. What's one of my favorite things to do?
14. Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?
15. Describe me in 3 words.
16. Name 5 things I love.
17. Do you think I'm good-looking?
18. How would you describe me to someone?
19. Would you ever date me?
20. Tell me one thing you've always wanted to say but never did.
21. What do you like most about me?
22. If we could spend a day together, what would we do?
23. Have we ever gotten in a fight?
24. Do you think we will be friends for at least three or four more years?
25. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
26. What do you think my weakness is?
27. Do you think I'll get married?
28. What makes me happy?
29. What makes me sad?
30. What reminds you of me?
31. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
32. When's the last time you saw me?
33. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger, weaker, or staying the same?
34. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
35. Are you going to put this on your livejournal to see what I say about you?
36. If I were an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?
37. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
38. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
39. Would you make a move on me?
40. Do I cross your mind at least once daily?
Well...
Wel...I got something off of my chest that I've been dying to say for months now....
You'd think I'd be happy about it :/
And don't feel sorry for me, there's someone else out there that needs sympathy more than I do.
You'd think I'd be happy about it :/
And don't feel sorry for me, there's someone else out there that needs sympathy more than I do.
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