Heh...

Well...hmm...
I've been here for a few days now, the reason I haven't updated is because the internet wasn't enabled in my room until today.

So far it's....different than I expected.
I've met lots and lots of new people, the vast majority have been sound and a few have been really really nice. But yeah...I don't like it here.

I have barely eaten since I got here, I tried several times but I just couldn't. I don't have an appetite. Things are so different here, yeah Northern Ireland was a shit hole but it was MY shit hole, I never realised just how used to that place I got. Even the coke here tastes funny.

I've felt sick for days, even before I left, I guess that's why I haven't eaten anything or drank very much, but it's not made things any easier. Today I barely made it to my induction and back. I felt a bit better during the afternoon, but I'd rather not discuss why.

Yesterday, Sunday, was a particularly stressful day. It started off all right, I was hanging around with some friends that I made, friend's Kay made as well. In fact it was because I wanted to at least say hello to her before class started that I met them. But anyway, while hanging around with them, my phone rang. BQFH answered, telling me that my dad was crying. Turns out he thinks that I've fallen out with him and that I don't need him or something. I had to listen to him tell me all this while he was in tears. I've never heard my dad cry before...
I think I explained things and cheered him up at least a little though.

Then I went and had a talk with Kay. I wanted to get something straight, I wanted to know if we should even talk to each other or whatever. Kay told me something about myself that I didn't know. It kinda scared me. And it's something I'd really not rather repeat. Before anyone jumps in telling me that it's just her being a bitch or something, unless you know what it was, you would not understand. It made a lot of things make sense, it explains why I "blacked out" a few times a few months ago, it explains a hell of a lot of things. It scares me.

In the end, she said she didn't want me around. Fair enough, it's probably for the best, isn't it? Well yeah, except there's a slight problem there already - The friends that I've already made here are friends with her as well. This means that we can't go all out with each other, they pretty much have to decide between me and her. Remember, I've only known them for a couple of days, we both have. So why the hell should they have to put up with all that crap and hassle?

Yeah....

I haven't slept much since I got here either, I don't know if it's the noise, the pain in my stomach, the getting used to a new bed, the being uncomfortable in unfamiliar surroundings or whatever, but it doesn't help.

I am ill, I am tired, I don't like this place. I don't want to go home either. I am fucked.

Sorry to disappoint you guys.