Something's wrong with me....
I don't know what it is, or what's causing it, but something is seriously wrong with me.
I'm being nasty, telling people to fuck off, getting frustrated at tiny little things, taking huge mood swings that range from paranoia to pure anger, the only thing that doesn't change is how depressed I feel...
To make it worse, I'm taking it out on a lot of people without even realising, especially Michelle, and then when I realise I'm acting like a retard, I feel even more depressed cuz I'm sure I've hurt her and possibly a few others as well, and then I get more frustrated at something stupid and that leads to more anger and that leads to more depression and It just wont stop, it hasn't stopped for a few days now....and it's hurting...
Fuck, I acted like a prick earlier and ended up punching the wall cuz of it, which really fucking hurt, that was about 7 hours ago, still hurts a lot, painkiller appears to have done fuck all too, which is frustrating as hell...
The mood swings are the worst, one second I'll be happy and fine, then Michelle will say she's going to play VC (Vice City) or something and I'll freak out thinking she just doesn't want to talk to me and is making up excuses, and end up saying something nasty then piss off offline, only to realise a few seconds later what I've just done and feel shitty as hell about it, then the paranoia starts to come back, I'll start thinking that she's gonna get fed up with me acting like this a leave me, which actually is starting to feel that way since she's been a lot less....I duno, just not as close as usual, but then I could be just thinking that cuz of this annoying paranoia that keeps hitting me every now and then...
I want it to stop, I want it to be back to normal, where I'm the jolly fat Irish dude and not the manically depressed guy that hasn't tried to "make things better" only because of a promise he made to someone back in december....
I feel like I'm standing on some sort of line, so so close to falling off the edge, wanting to fall of, but there's a string, a promise, keeping me on it, just barely on it, but still on it...just...
I need this to stop before the string breaks............
Saturday 31 January 2004
Monday 26 January 2004
"Y'know, you get kinda worried when you spend all day with a lesbian"
I remember saying that a while back, sometime in July or August, it was when I spent practically the whole day playing Renegade with Michelle, I'd look up the actual entry, but LJ is being a pain in the ass oh well. God how that screwed with my mind, me being there the whole time and never being able to tell her how I felt, not for one second did I ever think It could get to the stage it's at now. Anyway, point is I kinda did it again, from when I came home from school to when I went Michelle went to bed, all I did was sit there talking to her. While doing the usual of whoring the odd forum and stuff of course. And people kept messaging me "get on renalert, get on renalert, there's a load of really big games going, mooove!" and I just couldn't leave, I was happy just talking to her, about erm....everything really lol. 4 days and 4 months ago was the day she told me how she felt, maybe that's why I've suddenly realized again just how much I love her, cuz I always contemplate the past, when no-one's talking or when I'm in bed, I'm usually thinking about stuff, usually the past, could be anything, what happened 10 years ago or what happened 10mins ago, I duno why I do it, but I do, maybe it's because there's usually something I want to change in my life or another person's, like right now I wish to god there was something I could do for Tox, he's really not having a good year at all, I mean my problems mainly revolve around HER (Who's still ignoring me) but she could be sorted out with a gun and a spade, his problems can't, which sucks cuz I really like the guy...I just hope he doesn't do anything stupid....
Sunday 25 January 2004
It's bad craic when you get pwned by an ore truck....
So lets see here, update update....erm....
I realized I forgot to point out that me and Tox are friends again, and to be honest, he had good reason to be pissed, although not at me, but still. I'll not say what it is, if people really wanna know, he can post a reply or whatever, but it's his business, not mine. Either way, it's good to talk to him again.
0.992 for renalert was released, it's not bad, laggy as fuck tho since there's no decent servers up for it, but it's worth a squirt.
The bitchqueenfromhell is doing her very best to piss me off even more, she's totally ignoring me now, even when I'm like "HELLO KATHLEEN!!" she just says nothing. Now If I did that, my dad would have shouted at me and made me apologize there and then, but oh no, she's special, so she can do what the fuck she likes. Bitch. Oh well, if anything else happens, at least I can say I'm TRYING to be nice and that she's being stupid. But that'll probably not work, I'll get the blame of doing something wrong again, as usual. Fuck it, as long as I don't have to talk to her I don't really care, she can say silent all she wants, just means there's less I can do that she can bend and twist to her advantage to get me into more trouble with my dad.
The other day I decided to play ren again and it was fun, I haven't really played it since FinalRen was released, and now everywhere I go, everyone screams "big head, big head! Chhhheeeaaaattteeeerrr!!!" lol, as if, silly bastards. I duno if it's a good or a bad thing to get kicked from a server for "cheating" when in actual fact, you're just a good shot with the n00b canon, erm, I mean ramjet rifle (For those who don't play renegade, it's just a really powerful gun that can kill anyone in 2 shots or 1 shot if it's a headshot). One thing I do know is good is coming back from a game, back to the desktop, looking at your MSN list and realizing that there's someone there waiting for you, someone that's glad to see you :)
I realized I forgot to point out that me and Tox are friends again, and to be honest, he had good reason to be pissed, although not at me, but still. I'll not say what it is, if people really wanna know, he can post a reply or whatever, but it's his business, not mine. Either way, it's good to talk to him again.
0.992 for renalert was released, it's not bad, laggy as fuck tho since there's no decent servers up for it, but it's worth a squirt.
The bitchqueenfromhell is doing her very best to piss me off even more, she's totally ignoring me now, even when I'm like "HELLO KATHLEEN!!" she just says nothing. Now If I did that, my dad would have shouted at me and made me apologize there and then, but oh no, she's special, so she can do what the fuck she likes. Bitch. Oh well, if anything else happens, at least I can say I'm TRYING to be nice and that she's being stupid. But that'll probably not work, I'll get the blame of doing something wrong again, as usual. Fuck it, as long as I don't have to talk to her I don't really care, she can say silent all she wants, just means there's less I can do that she can bend and twist to her advantage to get me into more trouble with my dad.
The other day I decided to play ren again and it was fun, I haven't really played it since FinalRen was released, and now everywhere I go, everyone screams "big head, big head! Chhhheeeaaaattteeeerrr!!!" lol, as if, silly bastards. I duno if it's a good or a bad thing to get kicked from a server for "cheating" when in actual fact, you're just a good shot with the n00b canon, erm, I mean ramjet rifle (For those who don't play renegade, it's just a really powerful gun that can kill anyone in 2 shots or 1 shot if it's a headshot). One thing I do know is good is coming back from a game, back to the desktop, looking at your MSN list and realizing that there's someone there waiting for you, someone that's glad to see you :)
Thursday 22 January 2004
Poison would be a good option.....burning....even brutal stabbing has its charms.....
Just a few of the ways I've contemplated killing her.....that...bitch.
So here's the full on what happened today. I come home from school to find my dad standing there cooking a somewhat elaborate meal, duno what it was, didn't really care, cuz that meant only one thing...SHE was coming. For dinner.
Literally 2 or 3mins later she arrives at the door. Joy. Now, you have to remember I'm literally just home from school, standing in my uniform. She walks past, it's the usual standing there while my dad and HER say hello to each other, then came the question, "Would you like a cup of tea, dear?" he asks her, "please" she replies. My dad then says "Steve will make it". Something which I absolutely despise anyone saying, "Oh they'll do it", I mean, I don't mind doing it, all they have to do is ask, it's just not very nice when they say "Oh they'll do it" without them asking, but that's not the point, I don't say it annoys me cuz it's pointless and it's really just me being picky, but anyway. I then look at my dad and say "Bugger off, I'm getting changed" (Out of my uniform of course) I didn't actually mean it, fuck, making a cup of tea is hardly anything special, and I said it on my way over to the kettle. So the tea was made, and set in front of her, "thanks" she replies. i then proceeded to walk up stairs to my room to get changed. A few minutes later, my Dad yells my name and orders me to come down the stairs. Completely bewildered, I ask "Why, what's wrong?" and his reply is "Just get down here, NOW!" so I run down and as I'm walking up to the kitchen, where he was standing, with her voice coming from the adjacent room, I could hear her saying "I don't want an apology, it doesn't make a difference to him!" Of course I'm still completely oblivious to what the hell happened, I walk into the kitchen and see she's "crying" and my dad shouts at me "What did you say when you were asked to make the tea?!!?" Yes....I somehow managed to deeply hurt the bitch by saying "Bugger off, I'm getting changed" in a lighthearted tone...
And now you know the reason for the title. The scary part is it's actually starting to sound like a good idea, the more I think about it, the better it seems. Every single time I've been in trouble for the past 6 years have been linked to her, she actually is the source of about 80% of my problems, she was the person that started off the whole thing at the end of December whereby my family practically admitted to hating me. She is the root of all evil in my life, so much so that it's not even funny...
She's driven me to the edge, it came so close before thanks to her, but now that I think about it, I should have pointed the damn knife at HER instead....bitch.
But not to worry, I've calmed down a little, mainly thanks to this: http://www.cncassault.co.uk/interviews/sakura.php Read number 7.
Oh and I've got a sore throat as well, but since I don't actually talk in real life much, it's not really bothering me. Cyanide, that could work....
So here's the full on what happened today. I come home from school to find my dad standing there cooking a somewhat elaborate meal, duno what it was, didn't really care, cuz that meant only one thing...SHE was coming. For dinner.
Literally 2 or 3mins later she arrives at the door. Joy. Now, you have to remember I'm literally just home from school, standing in my uniform. She walks past, it's the usual standing there while my dad and HER say hello to each other, then came the question, "Would you like a cup of tea, dear?" he asks her, "please" she replies. My dad then says "Steve will make it". Something which I absolutely despise anyone saying, "Oh they'll do it", I mean, I don't mind doing it, all they have to do is ask, it's just not very nice when they say "Oh they'll do it" without them asking, but that's not the point, I don't say it annoys me cuz it's pointless and it's really just me being picky, but anyway. I then look at my dad and say "Bugger off, I'm getting changed" (Out of my uniform of course) I didn't actually mean it, fuck, making a cup of tea is hardly anything special, and I said it on my way over to the kettle. So the tea was made, and set in front of her, "thanks" she replies. i then proceeded to walk up stairs to my room to get changed. A few minutes later, my Dad yells my name and orders me to come down the stairs. Completely bewildered, I ask "Why, what's wrong?" and his reply is "Just get down here, NOW!" so I run down and as I'm walking up to the kitchen, where he was standing, with her voice coming from the adjacent room, I could hear her saying "I don't want an apology, it doesn't make a difference to him!" Of course I'm still completely oblivious to what the hell happened, I walk into the kitchen and see she's "crying" and my dad shouts at me "What did you say when you were asked to make the tea?!!?" Yes....I somehow managed to deeply hurt the bitch by saying "Bugger off, I'm getting changed" in a lighthearted tone...
And now you know the reason for the title. The scary part is it's actually starting to sound like a good idea, the more I think about it, the better it seems. Every single time I've been in trouble for the past 6 years have been linked to her, she actually is the source of about 80% of my problems, she was the person that started off the whole thing at the end of December whereby my family practically admitted to hating me. She is the root of all evil in my life, so much so that it's not even funny...
She's driven me to the edge, it came so close before thanks to her, but now that I think about it, I should have pointed the damn knife at HER instead....bitch.
But not to worry, I've calmed down a little, mainly thanks to this: http://www.cncassault.co.uk/interviews/sakura.php Read number 7.
Oh and I've got a sore throat as well, but since I don't actually talk in real life much, it's not really bothering me. Cyanide, that could work....
Tuesday 20 January 2004
I am a leet box!
A total idiot said that today in school. He's one of those people that always tried to act and sound cool, and just cuz me and a couple of others used to say stuff like "Hax0r t3h b0x0r" to him to really piss him off, he thinks it's "cool", and when he did something normally above his skill level in ICT today, he shouted out "I am a leet box"....the human brain, gotta love it....
Out of sheer boredom, I took the "National relationship test" the other day, and score a bloddy good 181 out of 200 (or 91.5% to be technical) and it said something about me being an exceptional lover :S I wasn't expecting such a high result, but hey, I also wasn't expecting "angelic" wings (see below). If you've got some time to kill, go ahead and take the test, it's here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/testthenation/relationship/ 50 short questions, so it's not bad. I also took the IQ test, scored slightly above average, nothing special to mention there. What can I say? I was bored:P
Oddness in Biology today, Doc Bob was explaining some part of a video we were watching when this little kid walks into the room, looking rather stoned, then proceeded to wander around the room aimlessly for about 15mins. He then left and as soon as he closed the door, Doc Bob just started bitching about him, saying how he does that randomly every now and then for no reason. Well, that's today's highlights, as for the past couple of days, I can't really say a lot has happened, Oh yea, Cold war was released, check it out: http://cnc.forumhost.co.uk/recruit.php?id=6 click ya bastards:P
Now, onto the angel thing, I saw this on a couple of people's journals,, and both of them got what I got, but of the 2 people, both of them seemed to also know what Love is, to have actually experienced it at some point, maybe that's got something to do with it, maybe now, I duno, but still, of all these kind of tests I've taken, they all end up saying the same kinda thing about me.....
You are one of the few out there whose wings are
truly ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and
divine, you are one blessed with a certain
cosmic grace. You are unequalled in
peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of
Light your wings are massive and a soft white
or silver. Countless feathers grace them and
radiate the light within you for all the world
to see. You are a defender, protector, and
caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver
of the wrong, chances are you are taken
advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.
But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in
everyone and so this mistreatment does not make
you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will
try to help misguided souls find themselves and
peace. However not all Angelics allow
themselves to be gotten the better of - the
Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting
for the sake of Justice and protection of those
less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever
change - the world needs more people like you.
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
Oh yea, as a Final note, ToXiN seems to hate me now for some unknown reason and it's really bugging the hell out of me, cuz I really don't know why he got so pissed at me in the first place. So if you're reading this dude, I'm sorry for whatever it is I did to you, but this will be the last I'm going to mention it anywhere unless you make an effort to talk to me, you could start by explaining wtf I did in the first place.
Out of sheer boredom, I took the "National relationship test" the other day, and score a bloddy good 181 out of 200 (or 91.5% to be technical) and it said something about me being an exceptional lover :S I wasn't expecting such a high result, but hey, I also wasn't expecting "angelic" wings (see below). If you've got some time to kill, go ahead and take the test, it's here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/testthenation/relationship/ 50 short questions, so it's not bad. I also took the IQ test, scored slightly above average, nothing special to mention there. What can I say? I was bored:P
Oddness in Biology today, Doc Bob was explaining some part of a video we were watching when this little kid walks into the room, looking rather stoned, then proceeded to wander around the room aimlessly for about 15mins. He then left and as soon as he closed the door, Doc Bob just started bitching about him, saying how he does that randomly every now and then for no reason. Well, that's today's highlights, as for the past couple of days, I can't really say a lot has happened, Oh yea, Cold war was released, check it out: http://cnc.forumhost.co.uk/recruit.php?id=6 click ya bastards:P
Now, onto the angel thing, I saw this on a couple of people's journals,, and both of them got what I got, but of the 2 people, both of them seemed to also know what Love is, to have actually experienced it at some point, maybe that's got something to do with it, maybe now, I duno, but still, of all these kind of tests I've taken, they all end up saying the same kinda thing about me.....
You are one of the few out there whose wings are
truly ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and
divine, you are one blessed with a certain
cosmic grace. You are unequalled in
peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of
Light your wings are massive and a soft white
or silver. Countless feathers grace them and
radiate the light within you for all the world
to see. You are a defender, protector, and
caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver
of the wrong, chances are you are taken
advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.
But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in
everyone and so this mistreatment does not make
you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will
try to help misguided souls find themselves and
peace. However not all Angelics allow
themselves to be gotten the better of - the
Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting
for the sake of Justice and protection of those
less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever
change - the world needs more people like you.
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
Oh yea, as a Final note, ToXiN seems to hate me now for some unknown reason and it's really bugging the hell out of me, cuz I really don't know why he got so pissed at me in the first place. So if you're reading this dude, I'm sorry for whatever it is I did to you, but this will be the last I'm going to mention it anywhere unless you make an effort to talk to me, you could start by explaining wtf I did in the first place.
Wednesday 14 January 2004
Of all the things....
Today was....boring....yeah, it was pretty boring. Not a lot happened, nothing special to report....er....oh there was a fight today in school, a somewhat rare occasion these days, there used to be fights all the time, like once a week, but this was the first fight I've seen in my school in over a year, maybe 2 years. I guess that's a good thing really, but still, it's kinda funny when two little Juniors who know fuck all about fighting start pushing each other around. It's the same thing over and over, they would like grab each other and start pulling each other around, not actually doing any damage, in fact, I don't think even a punch was thrown, the only reason it gathered any interest was because of how stupid the two kids where. Silly bastards. Oh well, makes a break from the usual boringness of school I suppose.
We had a surprise Business studies test today (how fun) and of all the things, the question was on Microsoft, or more specifically, the X-Box. It was a gift, I could rhyme out a million pages of waffle about that, which is all BS really is, (the name of the subject suits) mindless crap, they just give you marks for writing a series of words that are separated by the odd comma and full stop (or "period" as you silly Americans call it). No wonder I got an A in it at Christmas, I mean, if you know one thing about me it's that I talk shit, and lots of it ^_^
We had a surprise Business studies test today (how fun) and of all the things, the question was on Microsoft, or more specifically, the X-Box. It was a gift, I could rhyme out a million pages of waffle about that, which is all BS really is, (the name of the subject suits) mindless crap, they just give you marks for writing a series of words that are separated by the odd comma and full stop (or "period" as you silly Americans call it). No wonder I got an A in it at Christmas, I mean, if you know one thing about me it's that I talk shit, and lots of it ^_^
Tuesday 13 January 2004
Lets see here....
Looking back on my journal entry's, have I ever had a decent title for any of them?
Oh well, no biggie, it's my journal and I'll do as I like.
Past few days have been not too bad, nothing major has went wrong, nothing amazingly great has happened either (Well, nothing you could tell to anyone under the age of 21 in most American states ;))
One interesting thing happened, I found out that a friend of mine, who previously gave me grief about Michelle, saying that she was most likely some fat Norwegian man cuz I'd never met her, has apparently fallen in love himself, also with a girl he's never met. Needless to say, I had fun, especially since only me and like 1 other person knows about it, I can easily piss him off by dropping hints about it in front of him to other people. Revenge is sweet. Thing is tho, things aren't going to well for him, it's not working out too well, and it looks like it's d00med. It's odd, almost like life's little way of teaching him a lesson for pissing me off. Kinda like back in July, when I used to look down on internet relationships, then I fell in love and got taught a lesson, and half, those were some pretty low weeks for me, but if I had the choice, I'd do it all again.
Oh oh oh, remember I said I wouldn't be surprised if my BS teacher had lost the tests? Well, I wasn't far off. We did 2 separate papers, and he lost one of mine before he could mark it. And somehow, he still gave me and "A" grade, from one paper, that's pretty good. Shows how much attention he pays, he marked them in front of us, he gave them a quick glance and just said something like "You haven't written enough there" or "You've got the technique" or some bollocks like that. Ah well, as long as he writes "A" on my report, I don't give a damn.
Oooo, that reminds me, in school, out of sheer boredom, I managed to find a way to get into everyone's work folders from any terminal and with any login, hehehe. I duno who's in charge of the security of the school, but they are retarded to say the least. Sadly, I don't have write permissions tackled yet, so I can't delete or change stuff, but I CAN steal stuff, which will do....for now...
Oh well, no biggie, it's my journal and I'll do as I like.
Past few days have been not too bad, nothing major has went wrong, nothing amazingly great has happened either (Well, nothing you could tell to anyone under the age of 21 in most American states ;))
One interesting thing happened, I found out that a friend of mine, who previously gave me grief about Michelle, saying that she was most likely some fat Norwegian man cuz I'd never met her, has apparently fallen in love himself, also with a girl he's never met. Needless to say, I had fun, especially since only me and like 1 other person knows about it, I can easily piss him off by dropping hints about it in front of him to other people. Revenge is sweet. Thing is tho, things aren't going to well for him, it's not working out too well, and it looks like it's d00med. It's odd, almost like life's little way of teaching him a lesson for pissing me off. Kinda like back in July, when I used to look down on internet relationships, then I fell in love and got taught a lesson, and half, those were some pretty low weeks for me, but if I had the choice, I'd do it all again.
Oh oh oh, remember I said I wouldn't be surprised if my BS teacher had lost the tests? Well, I wasn't far off. We did 2 separate papers, and he lost one of mine before he could mark it. And somehow, he still gave me and "A" grade, from one paper, that's pretty good. Shows how much attention he pays, he marked them in front of us, he gave them a quick glance and just said something like "You haven't written enough there" or "You've got the technique" or some bollocks like that. Ah well, as long as he writes "A" on my report, I don't give a damn.
Oooo, that reminds me, in school, out of sheer boredom, I managed to find a way to get into everyone's work folders from any terminal and with any login, hehehe. I duno who's in charge of the security of the school, but they are retarded to say the least. Sadly, I don't have write permissions tackled yet, so I can't delete or change stuff, but I CAN steal stuff, which will do....for now...
Saturday 10 January 2004
*gets shoved in door by Michelle*
*gets pulled back out*
Gets shoved back in, slightly ruffed up looking and grinning immensely*
*cough* Crazy woman...
Anyhoo, onto a proper update.
Ok, last post I made was a bit harsh to-wards Chris, but he was hyper and generally pissing me off a lot and kept telling me to update and stuff, so I did that. He says he had it coming, so no surprise there then.
Onto other events. At school, I got some test results, Chemistry, Biology and ICT.
I did badly in the first 2, so I'm not gonna tell you what I got, as for ICT, I got a cool 87% ^_^
Pretty happy with that, as for business studies, he hasn't given us our results, most likely because he's too lazy to mark the tests. In fact, I'll bet he's lost the test papers or something, silly bastard. Which reminds me: 07775698798 that's his phone number for his mobile phone, if you're ever bored, text it, phone it, whatever, just annoy the fuck out of him, he deserves it :D (note: if you live outside the UK, you might wanna replace "0" with +44). Bastard.
Oh and get this, my brother, the one that's living with me, shouted at me the other day...because I made a sandwhich...even though, I hadn't actually ate dinner that day, or the day before...cunt. Oh well, soon enough, I wont have to take any more of this...soon....
I'm still pretty much pwning in BG:CNC, ranked first and no-one is anywhere near me, so It looks like I'm gonna stay there for a while. All I need to do now is whore another similar game...like that one, Cold War, which is basically the same thing only Red Alert stuff, so Allies vs. Soviets. It's pretty good. Oh, and how would I know this? I happen to be a beta tester of it. And how come I'm a beta tester of it? That's cuz I happen to be banging the owner ;)
Gets shoved back in, slightly ruffed up looking and grinning immensely*
*cough* Crazy woman...
Anyhoo, onto a proper update.
Ok, last post I made was a bit harsh to-wards Chris, but he was hyper and generally pissing me off a lot and kept telling me to update and stuff, so I did that. He says he had it coming, so no surprise there then.
Onto other events. At school, I got some test results, Chemistry, Biology and ICT.
I did badly in the first 2, so I'm not gonna tell you what I got, as for ICT, I got a cool 87% ^_^
Pretty happy with that, as for business studies, he hasn't given us our results, most likely because he's too lazy to mark the tests. In fact, I'll bet he's lost the test papers or something, silly bastard. Which reminds me: 07775698798 that's his phone number for his mobile phone, if you're ever bored, text it, phone it, whatever, just annoy the fuck out of him, he deserves it :D (note: if you live outside the UK, you might wanna replace "0" with +44). Bastard.
Oh and get this, my brother, the one that's living with me, shouted at me the other day...because I made a sandwhich...even though, I hadn't actually ate dinner that day, or the day before...cunt. Oh well, soon enough, I wont have to take any more of this...soon....
I'm still pretty much pwning in BG:CNC, ranked first and no-one is anywhere near me, so It looks like I'm gonna stay there for a while. All I need to do now is whore another similar game...like that one, Cold War, which is basically the same thing only Red Alert stuff, so Allies vs. Soviets. It's pretty good. Oh, and how would I know this? I happen to be a beta tester of it. And how come I'm a beta tester of it? That's cuz I happen to be banging the owner ;)
Friday 9 January 2004
Update...
Lets see here...er...I realized how annoying Chris (american friend) can be at times.
-Update finished-
-Update finished-
Monday 5 January 2004
*gets shoved in door by Miroku*
Ok ok, I'll update, jeeze....
Lets see here, interesting events...erm...I got bored and added a second monitor to my PC. I call it a product of too much free time^_^
Oh and as for that game most of you hate, BG:CNC, I'll only mention this one tiny thing...I'm 1st overall ^_^ I rock at it. I rock at a lot of things in my own little way (In case you haven't noticed, I could do with an ego trip right about mow).
Erm...can't say I did a lot else, just been busy reinstalling and crap like that.
School again on Wednesday, my freedom is almost gone again :(
Lets see here, interesting events...erm...I got bored and added a second monitor to my PC. I call it a product of too much free time^_^
Oh and as for that game most of you hate, BG:CNC, I'll only mention this one tiny thing...I'm 1st overall ^_^ I rock at it. I rock at a lot of things in my own little way (In case you haven't noticed, I could do with an ego trip right about mow).
Erm...can't say I did a lot else, just been busy reinstalling and crap like that.
School again on Wednesday, my freedom is almost gone again :(
Saturday 3 January 2004
Waiting for some things to install (see last night's post) so what better to do than some big-assed survey....
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
Quite a lot, fell in love, took down a network, got a Job, few other things.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Pff
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not this year
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope
5. What countries did you visit?
No-where
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
A decent family
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
23 September 2003, better than that, I'll tell you the exact time, 07:54:24. That was when she told me she had feelings for me.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting her :)
9. What was your biggest failure?
Trying to learn a programming language...or my web site...
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just a few bumps and bruises, odd illness, nothing major.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Giant white chocolate toblerone that was on salve at Tesco. No really, it's about the best thing I bought all year :\
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
At the risk of sounding big-headed, mine.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Darkblade's
14. Where did most of your money go?
The bank
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I'll tell you when you're older ;)
16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
DJ Sammy - Heaven, candlelight version
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i.happier or sadder? Happier
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner
iii. richer or poorer? Richer (not much tho)
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Learning
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Fucking up
20. How did you spend Christmas?
I spent it with my family....sadly...
22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
Yup
23. How many one-night stands?
*cough*one*cough* <<
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Didn't watch much TV this year, it's getting kinda shit, probably the Simpsons or Family guy.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Not really
26. What was the best book you read?
The instruction manual to the digibox (In other words, I don't read much)
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Everything, mostly techno and stuff like that.
28. What did you want and get?
Michelle :)
29. What did you want and not get?
A new PC
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Bad boys 2, funny as fuck
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I honestly don't remember, I remember being disappointed and feeling left out, but then, that's because HER birthday is on the EXACT same date as mine. Fate likes to take the piss. I turned 16.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being able to skip the month of December, probably one of the worst times In my life of recent years...
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
Non-existent
34. What kept you sane?
MIchelle
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
None
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Nothing really, I have opinions on everything, but I never really share them.
37. Who did you miss?
My brother, the cool one
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Michelle obviously, but not counting her, probably ToXiN
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003?
Love is too important to miss, if you think you have feelings for someone, stop at nothing to get them, tell them, never give up. You can never really be sure about anything, so you may as well try.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Can't think of one
A is for - Age: 16
x.B is for - Boyfriend/Girlfriend: yes
x.C is for - Career in future: Good question
x.D is for - Dad's name: John
x.E is for - Essential item to bring to a party: Hell if I know
x.F is for - Favorite song at the moment: Within Temptation - The Promise
x.G is for - Guys or Girls: Both ;) But Mainly girls
x.H is for - Hometown: Belfast, Northern Ireland
x.I is for - Instruments you play(ed): None
x.J is for - Job title: Bum
x.K is for - Kids: 1 already...
x.L is for - Living arrangement: With my dad ¬_¬
x.M is for - Mom's name: Marion
x.N is for - Number of people you've slept with: ;)
x.O is for - Overnight hospital stays: 1, when I was about 2 and needed an eye operation
x.P is for - Phobia[s]: None that I know of
x.Q is for - quixotic: *Looks up quixotic on dictionary.com* er....don't think so
x.R is for - Relationship that lasted the longest: The one I'm in now, 4 months and counting :)
x.T is for - Time you wake up: Usually about 12, about 7:30am on schooldays
x.U is for - Unique trait(s): erm....I think I'm the most unique person I know, I'm not racist in any way, I don't care much for money and material things ('cept PC :P) and I'm very open minded....
x.V is for - Vegetable you love: Hate them all
x.W is for - Worst habit: Not sleeping
x.X is for - X-rays you've had: Back, leg..er...I think that's it
x.Y is for - Yummy food you make: Cheese on toast...mmmm
x.Z is for - Zodiac sign: Aries
last cigarette: I think I tried one when I was like 3, never again
last car ride: About a week ago, went out for dinner.
last kiss: Depends how you look at it.
last good cry: Few days ago
last library book checked out: Er...Most likely a Garfield book about 10 years ago
last movie seen:
in the theater: Matrix: reloaded (Thanks to that movie, I am never going to the cinema ever again)
at home: League of extraordinary Gentlemen, watched it again the other day, great movie.
last book read: A terry Pratchett book, forget which one, was about 2 years ago.
last beverage drank: Coke
last food consumed: Leftover shortbread
last crush: (see above)
last phone call: Few days ago to my brother
last TV show watched: The Simpsons
last time showered: About 2 hours ago
last shoes worn: God this is getting pointless...
last CD played: Don't play CD's
last downloaded: Norton systemworks 2004 Professional + Keygen
last annoyance: Everything
last disappointment: Everything
last soda drank: Coke
last thing written: Cd Key for Windows XP Professional VLK
last key used: Fuck me this is pathetic, I mean, ffs, it's obviously "K".
last words spoken: "Fuck me this is pathetic, I mean, ffs, it's obviously "K"." (I have a habit of softly reading out things I type)
last sleep: This morning
last im: Sc0rian
last time wanting to die: Few days ago. Came close too....
last time hugged: New years eve/day
last time scolded: Depends how you look at it.
last time resentful: Today, yesterday, day before that, day before that....
last chair sat in: Computer chair, god I love this thing.
last lipstick used: 0_o
last underwear worn: Ok, now they're just taking the piss...
last bra worn: Yes....yes whoever wrote this is severely taking the piss...
last poster looked at: Poster of Mars with a satellite moving around it, just beside me on the wall.
last show attended: Never
last webpage visited: Dictionary.com (to look up "quixotic")
1. Pierce your nose or tongue? Fuck no
2. Be serious or be funny? Funny
3. Boxers or briefs? Boxers
4. Whole or skim milk? Skim
5. Single or Taken? Taken
6. Simple or complicated? My life is far from simple....
7. Law or anarchy? Anarchy, it's good for what ails ya
8. Flowers or angels? Angels, so I can bitch to them about how much of a c*** God is.
9. Grey or gray? Gray
10. Read or write? Read
11. Color or black-and-white photos? ColoUr
12. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset
13. M&M's or Skittles? M&M's...mmm...
14. Rap or rock? Rock (Can't spell Crap without rap)
15. Stay up late or wake up late? Stay up late, REALLY late, then wake up late....
16. TV or Radio? TV
17. Is it POP or SODA? It's fucking happy fizzy magical juice god dammit!
18. X or O in Tic-tac-toe? X
20. Eat an apple or an orange? Orange
21. What came first the chicken or the egg? I'm sure there were creatures that laid eggs before chicken ever evolved. They may not have been Chicken eggs, but they were eggs none the less.
22. Hot or Cold? Cold
24. Tall members of the opposite sex or short? Don't care
25. Sun or moon? Moon
26. Emerald or ruby? Whichever I could sell for more I guess
29. 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend? 1 Best friend
30. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Chocolate
31. High or Drunk? Don't drink and I don't take drugs, so neither.
32. Green beans or carrots? Neither...unless it's for some sort of kinky sex thing, then Carrots would work better :P
33. Low fat or fat free? Fat free
34. What is your biggest fear in the world? Losing her and being alone again.
36. Kids or no kids? Kids, already have 1
37. Cat or dog? Kats
38. Half empty or half full? Half full
39. Mustard or ketchup? Ketchup
40. Hard cover books or soft cover books? Don't read, don't care
41. Newspaper or magazine? Magazine, although I don't really read either
42. Sandals or sneakers? Sneakers
43. Wonder or amazement? Amazement
44. Red car or white car? Red
46. Singing or dancing? Neither
47. Hugging or Kissing? Preferably both at the same time
48. Corduroy or plaid? wtf?
49. Happy or sad? I'd like to be happy, but it's getting harder as more goes wrong :(
50. Purple or green? Green
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
Quite a lot, fell in love, took down a network, got a Job, few other things.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Pff
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not this year
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope
5. What countries did you visit?
No-where
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
A decent family
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
23 September 2003, better than that, I'll tell you the exact time, 07:54:24. That was when she told me she had feelings for me.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting her :)
9. What was your biggest failure?
Trying to learn a programming language...or my web site...
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just a few bumps and bruises, odd illness, nothing major.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Giant white chocolate toblerone that was on salve at Tesco. No really, it's about the best thing I bought all year :\
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
At the risk of sounding big-headed, mine.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Darkblade's
14. Where did most of your money go?
The bank
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I'll tell you when you're older ;)
16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
DJ Sammy - Heaven, candlelight version
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i.happier or sadder? Happier
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner
iii. richer or poorer? Richer (not much tho)
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Learning
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Fucking up
20. How did you spend Christmas?
I spent it with my family....sadly...
22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
Yup
23. How many one-night stands?
*cough*one*cough* <<
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Didn't watch much TV this year, it's getting kinda shit, probably the Simpsons or Family guy.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Not really
26. What was the best book you read?
The instruction manual to the digibox (In other words, I don't read much)
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Everything, mostly techno and stuff like that.
28. What did you want and get?
Michelle :)
29. What did you want and not get?
A new PC
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Bad boys 2, funny as fuck
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I honestly don't remember, I remember being disappointed and feeling left out, but then, that's because HER birthday is on the EXACT same date as mine. Fate likes to take the piss. I turned 16.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being able to skip the month of December, probably one of the worst times In my life of recent years...
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
Non-existent
34. What kept you sane?
MIchelle
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
None
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Nothing really, I have opinions on everything, but I never really share them.
37. Who did you miss?
My brother, the cool one
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Michelle obviously, but not counting her, probably ToXiN
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003?
Love is too important to miss, if you think you have feelings for someone, stop at nothing to get them, tell them, never give up. You can never really be sure about anything, so you may as well try.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Can't think of one
A is for - Age: 16
x.B is for - Boyfriend/Girlfriend: yes
x.C is for - Career in future: Good question
x.D is for - Dad's name: John
x.E is for - Essential item to bring to a party: Hell if I know
x.F is for - Favorite song at the moment: Within Temptation - The Promise
x.G is for - Guys or Girls: Both ;) But Mainly girls
x.H is for - Hometown: Belfast, Northern Ireland
x.I is for - Instruments you play(ed): None
x.J is for - Job title: Bum
x.K is for - Kids: 1 already...
x.L is for - Living arrangement: With my dad ¬_¬
x.M is for - Mom's name: Marion
x.N is for - Number of people you've slept with: ;)
x.O is for - Overnight hospital stays: 1, when I was about 2 and needed an eye operation
x.P is for - Phobia[s]: None that I know of
x.Q is for - quixotic: *Looks up quixotic on dictionary.com* er....don't think so
x.R is for - Relationship that lasted the longest: The one I'm in now, 4 months and counting :)
x.T is for - Time you wake up: Usually about 12, about 7:30am on schooldays
x.U is for - Unique trait(s): erm....I think I'm the most unique person I know, I'm not racist in any way, I don't care much for money and material things ('cept PC :P) and I'm very open minded....
x.V is for - Vegetable you love: Hate them all
x.W is for - Worst habit: Not sleeping
x.X is for - X-rays you've had: Back, leg..er...I think that's it
x.Y is for - Yummy food you make: Cheese on toast...mmmm
x.Z is for - Zodiac sign: Aries
last cigarette: I think I tried one when I was like 3, never again
last car ride: About a week ago, went out for dinner.
last kiss: Depends how you look at it.
last good cry: Few days ago
last library book checked out: Er...Most likely a Garfield book about 10 years ago
last movie seen:
in the theater: Matrix: reloaded (Thanks to that movie, I am never going to the cinema ever again)
at home: League of extraordinary Gentlemen, watched it again the other day, great movie.
last book read: A terry Pratchett book, forget which one, was about 2 years ago.
last beverage drank: Coke
last food consumed: Leftover shortbread
last crush: (see above)
last phone call: Few days ago to my brother
last TV show watched: The Simpsons
last time showered: About 2 hours ago
last shoes worn: God this is getting pointless...
last CD played: Don't play CD's
last downloaded: Norton systemworks 2004 Professional + Keygen
last annoyance: Everything
last disappointment: Everything
last soda drank: Coke
last thing written: Cd Key for Windows XP Professional VLK
last key used: Fuck me this is pathetic, I mean, ffs, it's obviously "K".
last words spoken: "Fuck me this is pathetic, I mean, ffs, it's obviously "K"." (I have a habit of softly reading out things I type)
last sleep: This morning
last im: Sc0rian
last time wanting to die: Few days ago. Came close too....
last time hugged: New years eve/day
last time scolded: Depends how you look at it.
last time resentful: Today, yesterday, day before that, day before that....
last chair sat in: Computer chair, god I love this thing.
last lipstick used: 0_o
last underwear worn: Ok, now they're just taking the piss...
last bra worn: Yes....yes whoever wrote this is severely taking the piss...
last poster looked at: Poster of Mars with a satellite moving around it, just beside me on the wall.
last show attended: Never
last webpage visited: Dictionary.com (to look up "quixotic")
1. Pierce your nose or tongue? Fuck no
2. Be serious or be funny? Funny
3. Boxers or briefs? Boxers
4. Whole or skim milk? Skim
5. Single or Taken? Taken
6. Simple or complicated? My life is far from simple....
7. Law or anarchy? Anarchy, it's good for what ails ya
8. Flowers or angels? Angels, so I can bitch to them about how much of a c*** God is.
9. Grey or gray? Gray
10. Read or write? Read
11. Color or black-and-white photos? ColoUr
12. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset
13. M&M's or Skittles? M&M's...mmm...
14. Rap or rock? Rock (Can't spell Crap without rap)
15. Stay up late or wake up late? Stay up late, REALLY late, then wake up late....
16. TV or Radio? TV
17. Is it POP or SODA? It's fucking happy fizzy magical juice god dammit!
18. X or O in Tic-tac-toe? X
20. Eat an apple or an orange? Orange
21. What came first the chicken or the egg? I'm sure there were creatures that laid eggs before chicken ever evolved. They may not have been Chicken eggs, but they were eggs none the less.
22. Hot or Cold? Cold
24. Tall members of the opposite sex or short? Don't care
25. Sun or moon? Moon
26. Emerald or ruby? Whichever I could sell for more I guess
29. 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend? 1 Best friend
30. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Chocolate
31. High or Drunk? Don't drink and I don't take drugs, so neither.
32. Green beans or carrots? Neither...unless it's for some sort of kinky sex thing, then Carrots would work better :P
33. Low fat or fat free? Fat free
34. What is your biggest fear in the world? Losing her and being alone again.
36. Kids or no kids? Kids, already have 1
37. Cat or dog? Kats
38. Half empty or half full? Half full
39. Mustard or ketchup? Ketchup
40. Hard cover books or soft cover books? Don't read, don't care
41. Newspaper or magazine? Magazine, although I don't really read either
42. Sandals or sneakers? Sneakers
43. Wonder or amazement? Amazement
44. Red car or white car? Red
46. Singing or dancing? Neither
47. Hugging or Kissing? Preferably both at the same time
48. Corduroy or plaid? wtf?
49. Happy or sad? I'd like to be happy, but it's getting harder as more goes wrong :(
50. Purple or green? Green
Friday 2 January 2004
Someone up there just doesn't like me....
I was just beginning to feel better about the recent events in my life and wouldn't you know it, my computer decided to be a cunt.
It decided to uninstall TCP/IP all by itself. Now, it would normally be a case of simply reinstalling said thing, but y'see, it's not meant to be uninstallable in the first place, so you can't reinstall it, all you can do is tell windows to replace the registry keys and well, that didn't help at all. So I couldn't use the internet. For some reason, msn messenger worked, but that's the only thing. I reinstalled this and that but to no avail, it just didn't fix the problem.
On top of that, I kept getting a bunch of memory errors for various apps, INCLUDING messenger, the only thing that worked.
All I could do was reinstall windows, which I seriously dreaded, the last time I had to reinstall windows, it gave me all sorts of errors and shit, and I only just managed to install it, it sorta fluked and installed. But I was running out of options, I HAD to attempt to reinstall, I mean, it had to work, right? Nothing else could possibly go wrong, could it?
Wrong, the install fucked up, and not only that, it fucked up my original installation at the same time so I couldn't even run messenger, and to make things worse, the CD had some sort of booting error, so a fresh install was out of the question.
After getting extremely pissed with various things, I somehow managed to get XP installing, only problem it was on my other hard disk, so I have to start from scratch again. So that was my day today, me panicking a lot, getting frustrated with everything and almost throwing the computer out the window. And tomorrow will be pretty much the same too, since I gotta reinstall EVERYTHING....I need one of 2 things, either a new PC or a gun...
It decided to uninstall TCP/IP all by itself. Now, it would normally be a case of simply reinstalling said thing, but y'see, it's not meant to be uninstallable in the first place, so you can't reinstall it, all you can do is tell windows to replace the registry keys and well, that didn't help at all. So I couldn't use the internet. For some reason, msn messenger worked, but that's the only thing. I reinstalled this and that but to no avail, it just didn't fix the problem.
On top of that, I kept getting a bunch of memory errors for various apps, INCLUDING messenger, the only thing that worked.
All I could do was reinstall windows, which I seriously dreaded, the last time I had to reinstall windows, it gave me all sorts of errors and shit, and I only just managed to install it, it sorta fluked and installed. But I was running out of options, I HAD to attempt to reinstall, I mean, it had to work, right? Nothing else could possibly go wrong, could it?
Wrong, the install fucked up, and not only that, it fucked up my original installation at the same time so I couldn't even run messenger, and to make things worse, the CD had some sort of booting error, so a fresh install was out of the question.
After getting extremely pissed with various things, I somehow managed to get XP installing, only problem it was on my other hard disk, so I have to start from scratch again. So that was my day today, me panicking a lot, getting frustrated with everything and almost throwing the computer out the window. And tomorrow will be pretty much the same too, since I gotta reinstall EVERYTHING....I need one of 2 things, either a new PC or a gun...
Thursday 1 January 2004
Ahh, the first update of 2004....
Another year gone by, time flies....
And a lot happened last year too, well, from about march/April when I FINALLY got an internet connection....finally....
And holy fuck did things accelerate after that, just a couple of months later and I was the most popular person on a forum, which then went down partly due to my actions, Nozzy saw a guy jerking off on Yahoo chat through his webcam, and I guess the most important thing that happened was when I fell in love...well, I say most important, really the important thing was when she said those 3 little words to me for the first time, something which I never dreamt would happen, but it did, and I'll always remember that day. Lots of other stuff happened too, some good, some bad, but what can ya do except hold your head up high and keep going?
Now, enough about the past.
From the other day, I'm feeling a bit better, still fell shitty though, I mean it's not every day your family tells you that you're the source of all their problems, just by staying out of the way. Bastards.
But like I said, I'm feeling better, I can always comfort myself with the thought of the future, the thought that I don't have to stay here much longer, I will be finished school relatively soon and then I can get the fuck away from the people that seem to hate me so much. I duno where I'll go, I mean, I know where I'd LIKE to go, whether or not I'll get there is a different thing, all I can do is hope, but after thinking about all the stuff that's happened throughout the year, especially with Michelle, I've realised that you can never be too sure what will and wont happen, so I look forward to the future, if things work out how I hope, then things can only get better and better. 2004 has the potential to be great, but it's the future beyond that I'm especially looking forward to...
And a lot happened last year too, well, from about march/April when I FINALLY got an internet connection....finally....
And holy fuck did things accelerate after that, just a couple of months later and I was the most popular person on a forum, which then went down partly due to my actions, Nozzy saw a guy jerking off on Yahoo chat through his webcam, and I guess the most important thing that happened was when I fell in love...well, I say most important, really the important thing was when she said those 3 little words to me for the first time, something which I never dreamt would happen, but it did, and I'll always remember that day. Lots of other stuff happened too, some good, some bad, but what can ya do except hold your head up high and keep going?
Now, enough about the past.
From the other day, I'm feeling a bit better, still fell shitty though, I mean it's not every day your family tells you that you're the source of all their problems, just by staying out of the way. Bastards.
But like I said, I'm feeling better, I can always comfort myself with the thought of the future, the thought that I don't have to stay here much longer, I will be finished school relatively soon and then I can get the fuck away from the people that seem to hate me so much. I duno where I'll go, I mean, I know where I'd LIKE to go, whether or not I'll get there is a different thing, all I can do is hope, but after thinking about all the stuff that's happened throughout the year, especially with Michelle, I've realised that you can never be too sure what will and wont happen, so I look forward to the future, if things work out how I hope, then things can only get better and better. 2004 has the potential to be great, but it's the future beyond that I'm especially looking forward to...
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