It's an absolute bastard when an innocent enough conversation turns into a  more deep and meaningful one that ends up with you realising just how fucked up things are.
Carmy and I were having one of our frequent late night discussions about random shit when we somehow stumbled upon the fact that neither of us were really happy with each other.
We weren't miserable or unhappy, just not really loved up, excited or whatever to be with each other.
I mean, we made really good friends together but that seemed about as far as it could go.

I guess it's my own fault, I was never really open with my feelings with her, I haven't been open with my feelings to anyone lately. Hell, for about a year now I've been kept cosy inside my little shell, where nobody can hurt me.
I'm betting that is what's to blame. How can anyone learn to be more than friends if one person never tries to be anything more?
And Kay is to blame. She did this to me, she messed with my head so much that I doubt I'll ever be capable of loving someone as much as they deserve.
Like Carmy. She was such a nice person, she was so good to me, one of the nicest people I've met here yet I couldn't even share the simplest of emotions with her.
It's probably for the best that we split up now, she'll hopefully find someone that will treat her better, like she deserved.

Until then, all I can really do is carry on and hope that I eventually am able to open up more.

I just hope she's ok, she took it pretty badly and she didn't deserve any of that, all she deserved was someone who would treat her better than I ever did.