Dear Royal Mail,

Fuck you.

Yours Sincerely,
Steve

I have a livejournal? Since when?!

I find this humourous

A naked man claiming to be a Terminator sent back in time from the future has been arrested at a casino.

Sean Stanley Smith, 19, was taken into custody at the US Stateline gambling club - which borders California and Nevada - and jailed on charges of indecent exposure and resisting a police officer, SlashFilm.com reports.

The sergeant was flagged down by a motorist who had seen the nude man running on the highway, while he then spied the suspect and commanded him to stop. However, Smith ignored the warning and proceeded inside of the casino, where he was tasered in an arcade full of children.

He told the officer that he was the character Terminator from the popular sci-fi film franchise, before admitting that he had taken LSD and marijuana.

Smith was transported to a local area hospital and later booked at Douglas County Jail.

Can anyone help?

I'm having trouble getting this:

Celebrity/Actor
_____________________
|            / |
|            O
|           /|\
|           /
|

DA _ ID CA _ _ ADINE

I have an important announcement to make.

*Deep Breath*

W0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 *deep breath* 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000t!

I always suspected!

Your result for What Gender do you Think and Feel Like?...

Machismo

Male Brain, Male Heart

Your thoughts and feelings are both masculine. Such combination can have people seeing you as guarded and aggressive.This test is not about physical sex, but gender, which has nothing to do with what body you were born into or what your sexual orientation is. However, you express yourself in a very masculine way.

Take What Gender do you Think and Feel Like? at HelloQuizzy

Something I forgot to mention....

I don't know why I haven't mentioned this yet, but I've actually already seen the new Star Trek film. Seen it a week ago. Seriously.

It's not often I get to see a big film before anyone else does, so I'm quite happy about this. If you're not a trekkie or you weren't planning to go and see it, you might want to reconsider your choice, because it's a very good film. And those of you who ARE planning to see it, you only need to know 2 things:

1) It's awesome
2) Kirk Dies

Enjoy!

I learned something.

Today, I learned that my life has essentially been one giant extemporisation.

And so far, I haven't done too badly.

If you haven't figured it out yet, what I really learned was a new word and thought it was such a cool word, I had to use it in a real sentence.

And now, for a rant.

Today, for those of you unaware, was a Bank Holiday. As is typical in our household during public holidays (for some reason), Steve, Steve and I (In case you didn't know, 2 of my 3 housemates are also called Steve. Much fun is had with this on a daily basis. And it never, ever gets old) decided to have a nice Roast dinner.

Steve thought this was a good idea.
Steve thought this was a good idea.
I thought this was a good idea.

Of course, with every good plan, there's often something that gets in the way. That something would be our other housemate, Dee.
Now, I know what it's like to be picky about things. I'm picky. I can be very picky. But today, this woman made "being picky" into an art form.

"Beef is not my favourite" she says. Well, ok, that's fair enough, I mean it's not MY favourite either, but we rarely ever have beef unless it's a burger or a steak, so we all thought it'd be a nice change. And, of course, we'd have the usual trimmings of mashed potato, roast potato, Yorkshire puddings, etc.
A meal fit for a king. Or a Steve. Or 3 Steves.

So, knowing full well that Dee is in a bit of financial difficulty, Steve, Steve and I went to Asda to buy the food. We got a nice big Beef joint, potatoes, eggs (for the yorkshires) and I even picked up some sausages and bacon to make pigs in blankets, so Dee could at least have some meat she DID definitely like, as well as a bit of juicy beef.

Then we went to get Dessert. Once again, Dee's notoriously picky nature rears its ugly head.

She doesn't like Sponge.
She doesn't like Cream.
She doesn't like Custard.
She doesn't like Cheesecake.
She doesn't like Meringue.

Kind of narrows things down a bit there, doesn't it?

We seen a REALLY nice cheesecake, too. Strawberry and Clotted Cream! Mmmm!
But we couldn't have that, Dee would feel left out. So we picked one of those up and a nice, sticky toffee pudding, just for her. And Some Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Something we all like.

So, to summarise, we basically went out of our way to accommodate for her. And what's more, we all paid for it out of our own pockets (not the first time we have, either) and didn't say anything to her about it, so she didn't feel awkward.

Then, came the preparation of the food. Steve, Steve and I all dawned on the Kitchen. I took charge of the beef, Steve took charge of peeling some potatoes and Steve took charge of turning them into roast potatoes. I'd like to point out that at one point, I managed to fit twice as many roast potatoes onto a baking tray than should have been humanly possible. Because I'm awesome like that. But I digress.
Dee would occasionally pop her head around the corner or hang in the kitchen. And sit there. In a sort of...sulking mood. Sniping and picking at everything.
The Beef was an issue. What if it was Bloody?
"It wont be bloody. Might be a bit pink in the middle, though"
That was an issue.
"well, it'll taste really nice!"
Still an issue.
"Just try it for me. Please."
Issue remains.
She says "Just make sure I get an end bit".

Keeping in mind, at this point she hasn't lifted a finger in the kitchen.

Then we tell her about the dessert situation.
"We got a Cheesecake because it looks really nice, but we got you something, too"
"...what?"
"umm...some...kind of...toffee..thing? I think . It's something you'll like, don't worry"
At this point she snaps "where is it?" and we tell her it's in the fridge.
She rushes over and fishes it out.
"...oh.......that sounds nice, actually"
Finally! Something she's HAPPY about!
Truth be told, if she'd complained about it, I probably would have exploded right there and then.

Dinner is ready and we all convene to the living room to watch "Scarface". I've not seen this film before, but when we have these dinners, we tend to go with a gangster theme for some reason, so it's all good.
Half way through the film, Dee proclaims that she's bored.

Dinner was lovely, even though my Yorkshire puddings sank a bit (sorry, Steves). It even seemed to cheer Dee up a bit.

Which is good. Because the whole fucking night, she did little more than moan and pick at just about everything we did. I'd once again like to reiterate that she didn't have to lift a finger to contribute to it (ok, I'll give her this - she mashed some potatoes) and it was all paid for her, because we're nice like that. And, you know, I'm not even sure she said "Thank you" at any point, either.

And yes, she's going to read this. She's going to see this post and probably get upset about it. And right now, I don't care. I bit my tongue tonight because it's not often we do this and I wanted everyone to enjoy themselves, particularly Steve and Steve since it was their day off, but it's over now so I'm getting it off my chest: Dee, today you were the worst kind of person to be around. You were moody, insulting and most of all, completely fucking ungrateful. You actually went out of your way on a number of occasions to pick at something or argue about something when there really was no need. I know you're going through some tough stuff at the moment (which, to be perfectly honest, is your own fault), but we all tried our best for you today and you completely threw it back in our faces.

Check me and my click-ay!

Created by Sex Toys.org

Who'd have thought that a wasted youth playing games would have paid off?

Oh all-protecting lord, please guide our intellects, so that we may proceed in the right direction towards enlightenment

I'm not being religious, this is a reference to something. Cookie to whoever gets it WITHOUT googling!

Oh what the hell

Expect this link to die soon, but:

http://www.wisevid.com/view_video.php?viewkey=dc0629f8a4ab6477642b

This is a full stream of X-men Origins: Wolverine.

BE WARNED - Although it's DVD quality, it's NOT finished. There's special effects and such missing, wires visible, etc. But you know, if you are eager to watch it, go nuts.

And no, it's not an April fools.

Guess what?

I'm now 22.

I always thought power rangers were gay....

This is a bit old, but what the hell. It surprised me.

How many of you remember Power Rangers?



Yeah, you remember them, don't you?

Do you remember this guy in particular?



Austin St. John, otherwise known as the Red Ranger. Or Jason, depending on how much attention you paid the show.

He played a guy who dressed up in a red spandex suit who went around beating up shitty monsters. Pretty gay, if you ask me. But he gets much gayer.



Getting a little bit gayer, there...



Ah....well...you don't get much gayer than that...



Ok then. Maybe you do.

Sorry. I just had to tell someone that the Red Ranger loves the Red Ring.

Here's some naked chick to make up for the gay:



Sorry if that's ruined any fond childhood memories or whatever, but hey - at least you got to see some tits.

One little compliment can make you feel great. So give me a compliment, anything in the entire world, even that my shoelaces are pretty. Put this in your journal. Once you get some comments, put that entry in a memory or tag and when you are feeling down, just go to that entry and this will remind you how great you are.

http://www.fmylife.com/

Best. Site. Ever.

"No. Not now, not ever. Do you hear me? I will use every cannon, every bomb, every bullet, every weapon I have down to my own eye teeth to end you! I swear it! I'm coming for all of you!"

-President Roslin

I don't understand the "eye teeth" bit, but Christ she was scary.
And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you fail :(

I met Florence.

Who's Florence, you might ask? When did I meet her? Was she hot? All will be revealed in this week's exciting episode ooooofff..."Kushan could be fucked updating his LJ!".

This week, a friend of mine from Ireland decided to come over. No, he didn't really come to see me, there was a gig on near me and he wanted to go to that and figured he could shack up at my place for a couple of days. Which is fair enough, actually, since he took me with him.

The gig in question was some NME tour thing, sadly nothing of interest to me but what the hell, it's an excuse to go out with a friend for a laugh, eh?

Four bands were playing this night, buy my friend only really wanted to see one of them, Florence and The Machine. You may have heard of her (yes, her). I certainly hadn't, but Sylvia Patterson of the guardian believes that "Florence and the Machine's mad art-pop will be 2009's most beautiful noise". To be fair, she's actually quite hot, so I can't blame the guy:

Luckily she was the first act, so once she had played her set, we could fuck off to the bar near the stage, get a drink and sit down and have a yarn while the rest played.
As I'm the non-drinker, I was the one who decided where to sit and I strategically found a place that was just far enough away that you could hear each other talk over the music and there weren't too many people around (My friend Becky is absolutely correct - people are shit).

So there we are having a drink and a laugh and then my friend asks "Should we not sit somewhere else, maybe over there where there's more people?". I tell him I'm not really arsed.
Then, not more than a few minutes after he said this, guess who of all people walked passed our table to a little spot in the corner? That's right - Florence.

He's a little bit shocked at this point and it didn't help when I said "Dude! Go get her autograph!".
"I err...ahh...ummm...I don't have a pen!" he shouted.
"...I have one!" I shouted back. And this is possibly the most shocking event of the whole eventing - I never have a pen when I need one.
"Oh oh oh oh! Umm...shit...I'll never get passed the bouncer [standing in front of her little corner]" he says.
"Pussy. I'll do it then." I respond.
"Ummm...ok, here" and he handed me the pen and his ticket to hopefully get signed.

So up I get and casually walk over to the bouncer, "Any chance of an autograph, mate?"
He looks behind him at Florence and says "Off her? .....why don't you go ask her?" and steps aside.
Excellent.

So I walked over to Florence and introduced myself. She was lovely. "Could I have an autograph, please?" I asked. "Certainly! What's your name?"
Since this was really for my friend, I had to lie. "Oh, uhh...Martin".
"Martin, eh? Ohhh where are you from?"
"Belfast" (Remember, I currently live in Liverpool, so I certainly don't sound like the locals...thankfully)
"Ohhh, Belfast? Hey, come you over here and talk to me" she says as she moves to sit down and sign the ticket.
At this point, my friend must have suddenly got a bolt of courage, as he appeared right next to me.
"Well, actually Florence, my name isn't really Martin. THIS is Martin, he was just too shy to come over here" I said, while pointing at him.
She smiled "Oh so YOU'RE Martin! Aren't you cute!" she said, as she latched on to him and gave him a great big hug.
And then we stood around had a bit of a chat, got his picture taken with her, had a bit of a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I think I still have some of her glitter on my face.
Florence is lovely. I wish her all the success in the world, she was extremely nice to us and definitely seems to deserve it. And her music wasn't bad, either.

Suffice to say, my friend was (and still is) over the moon. And I'm happy I had balls when I needed it. I am officially a man now.

God. Fucking. Dammit.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/01/090126082343.htm?ref=aggre_pop

"Frequent Sex And Masturbation In 20s And 30s Linked To Higher Prostate Cancer".

Life. She's a cruel mistress.

Tru.dat

Resident Evil: Degeneration

I just finished watching Resident Evil: Degeneration. Those of you who know me well know that I have nothing but contempt for the Resident Evil films, however this is different. This is a CGI film from Capcom themselves, not Paul "will shit on your franchise for money" fucking Anderson.

And it ROCKS.

It's pretty much how I wanted the Resident Evil film to be - lots of zombies, lots of shooting and a plot that actually comes from the game. The animation is a bit screwy, it's not Disney-quality we're talking, but when you're mowing down Zombies all over the shop, do you care if the jaws look like they're made of play-dough? Ok well, maybe a little.

I should warn you, though, if you're not an old-school Resident Evil fan (As in, you actually liked the first games and not just the fourth one, which to be fair is also pretty awesome), you probably wont get half of the fan pleasing in it. Particularly if you've played Resident Evil 2, you'll love it. I must point out that RE2 is one of THE finest games ever made and if you disagree, you're gay. Or straight. Whatever is the most offensive to you. Oh and you have the bad AIDS.

I should go to bed.

But I wont.

Also, Nip/Tuck is awesome. It's going to fill the void quite nicely once Battlestar Galactica finishes this year. I must point out that BSG is probably the finest TV series ever made, ever. It's better than Star Trek. It's better than Stargate. It's better than you.

I really want to update this more, I need some sort of...incentive to update it. And no, promises of sex if and when I'm somewhere near your vicinity isn't really going to cut it - we both know that will happen regardless as to weather I update this regularly or not ;P

I don't even know who that's directed towards. Maybe it's just you. Maybe it's everyone. Maybe I really should go to bed. But I wont.