I learned something.

Today, I learned that my life has essentially been one giant extemporisation.

And so far, I haven't done too badly.

If you haven't figured it out yet, what I really learned was a new word and thought it was such a cool word, I had to use it in a real sentence.

And now, for a rant.

Today, for those of you unaware, was a Bank Holiday. As is typical in our household during public holidays (for some reason), Steve, Steve and I (In case you didn't know, 2 of my 3 housemates are also called Steve. Much fun is had with this on a daily basis. And it never, ever gets old) decided to have a nice Roast dinner.

Steve thought this was a good idea.
Steve thought this was a good idea.
I thought this was a good idea.

Of course, with every good plan, there's often something that gets in the way. That something would be our other housemate, Dee.
Now, I know what it's like to be picky about things. I'm picky. I can be very picky. But today, this woman made "being picky" into an art form.

"Beef is not my favourite" she says. Well, ok, that's fair enough, I mean it's not MY favourite either, but we rarely ever have beef unless it's a burger or a steak, so we all thought it'd be a nice change. And, of course, we'd have the usual trimmings of mashed potato, roast potato, Yorkshire puddings, etc.
A meal fit for a king. Or a Steve. Or 3 Steves.

So, knowing full well that Dee is in a bit of financial difficulty, Steve, Steve and I went to Asda to buy the food. We got a nice big Beef joint, potatoes, eggs (for the yorkshires) and I even picked up some sausages and bacon to make pigs in blankets, so Dee could at least have some meat she DID definitely like, as well as a bit of juicy beef.

Then we went to get Dessert. Once again, Dee's notoriously picky nature rears its ugly head.

She doesn't like Sponge.
She doesn't like Cream.
She doesn't like Custard.
She doesn't like Cheesecake.
She doesn't like Meringue.

Kind of narrows things down a bit there, doesn't it?

We seen a REALLY nice cheesecake, too. Strawberry and Clotted Cream! Mmmm!
But we couldn't have that, Dee would feel left out. So we picked one of those up and a nice, sticky toffee pudding, just for her. And Some Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Something we all like.

So, to summarise, we basically went out of our way to accommodate for her. And what's more, we all paid for it out of our own pockets (not the first time we have, either) and didn't say anything to her about it, so she didn't feel awkward.

Then, came the preparation of the food. Steve, Steve and I all dawned on the Kitchen. I took charge of the beef, Steve took charge of peeling some potatoes and Steve took charge of turning them into roast potatoes. I'd like to point out that at one point, I managed to fit twice as many roast potatoes onto a baking tray than should have been humanly possible. Because I'm awesome like that. But I digress.
Dee would occasionally pop her head around the corner or hang in the kitchen. And sit there. In a sort of...sulking mood. Sniping and picking at everything.
The Beef was an issue. What if it was Bloody?
"It wont be bloody. Might be a bit pink in the middle, though"
That was an issue.
"well, it'll taste really nice!"
Still an issue.
"Just try it for me. Please."
Issue remains.
She says "Just make sure I get an end bit".

Keeping in mind, at this point she hasn't lifted a finger in the kitchen.

Then we tell her about the dessert situation.
"We got a Cheesecake because it looks really nice, but we got you something, too"
"...what?"
"umm...some...kind of...toffee..thing? I think . It's something you'll like, don't worry"
At this point she snaps "where is it?" and we tell her it's in the fridge.
She rushes over and fishes it out.
"...oh.......that sounds nice, actually"
Finally! Something she's HAPPY about!
Truth be told, if she'd complained about it, I probably would have exploded right there and then.

Dinner is ready and we all convene to the living room to watch "Scarface". I've not seen this film before, but when we have these dinners, we tend to go with a gangster theme for some reason, so it's all good.
Half way through the film, Dee proclaims that she's bored.

Dinner was lovely, even though my Yorkshire puddings sank a bit (sorry, Steves). It even seemed to cheer Dee up a bit.

Which is good. Because the whole fucking night, she did little more than moan and pick at just about everything we did. I'd once again like to reiterate that she didn't have to lift a finger to contribute to it (ok, I'll give her this - she mashed some potatoes) and it was all paid for her, because we're nice like that. And, you know, I'm not even sure she said "Thank you" at any point, either.

And yes, she's going to read this. She's going to see this post and probably get upset about it. And right now, I don't care. I bit my tongue tonight because it's not often we do this and I wanted everyone to enjoy themselves, particularly Steve and Steve since it was their day off, but it's over now so I'm getting it off my chest: Dee, today you were the worst kind of person to be around. You were moody, insulting and most of all, completely fucking ungrateful. You actually went out of your way on a number of occasions to pick at something or argue about something when there really was no need. I know you're going through some tough stuff at the moment (which, to be perfectly honest, is your own fault), but we all tried our best for you today and you completely threw it back in our faces.