Sooo....

I think this summer was one of the worst summers I've ever had.
I was bored, depressed and felt generally shitty.

I didn't really want to write about it in case my brother read it and thought it was in some way his fault, because it wasn't.
I had hoped to get a job and work hard over the summer, earn some money, pay off my overdraft. But alas, I waited too long or was just out of luck, as Ipswich had nothing to offer me.
Not only this, but there is nothing to do in Ipswich, it's smaller than even Belfast. So my daily routine consisted of waking up, going on the computer, forgetting to eat half of the time and going to bed, only to repeat it all over again the next day. And the next. And the next. And the next.
After about a month, it didn't even matter what time it was, half of the time I didn't even care, it was like one big never ending day. The only reason I bothered to keep track of what day it was, was because Stargate was aired on a Friday and I didn't want to miss it.
I kept hoping that by the time the summer had ended, that when I got back to uni, it would be better.
I'd see my friends again, I'd have work to do, I'd not be bored. I'd be me again, that confident, cocky little dude that people seem to like for some reason unknown to me.

But so far, that hasn't happened. From the day I got back here, things have just gone steadily downhill.
My friends seem to hardly notice that I'm even here. I sat in the living room for 4 hours the other day and I think I was spoken to twice, maybe 3 times. On Sunday, nobody said a word to me until about 16:00 (4Pm) and even then they were asking if I could get them something. I don't normally mind that, but sometimes it is just nice to be asked how you are before you are asked to do someone a favour.

I don't really blame them, I blame myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. Yesterday some cock decided to invite himself back to our flat after our stupid lecture thing. It was ok for a bit, but we had made plans to go out and buy some things we needed and he started playing yu gi oh with them. We were meant to be leaving at about 4, but we didn't start to leave until 5 because of it while I sat there waiting for people to finish up their games. I even said "make this the last one, ok?" and they all more or less ignored me and I don't know why.
Then as we were just about to leave, the cunt picked a fight with me. I was able to overpower him to an extent and pretty much threw him onto Dee Dee's bed. Fight over, right? No, he decides it'd be a great opportunity to try and kick me in the nuts.
Call me old fashioned, but you just don't do that, especially when you've effectively lost the fight.

What did everyone else do? Those that were paying attention just stood there. Then when they found out about what had happened, all they could do was laugh. While I stood there, in a lot of pain. Groovy.

And this year, Marybone has decided to royally fuck us over with a shitty internet connection. It costs a ridiculous amount of money, at least twice what any proper ISP would charge, it's slow, it's been timing out a lot over the past day or two and has bandwidth caps that are stupidly low. To add insult to injury, it doesn't even allow us to use MSN messenger. We have to use some other shitty client. What's more, a shit load of online games don't work, including just about every C&C game, y'know, the ones I play the most.
So that's fucked me off even more.

Things are just not going well. I just realised that I haven't eaten in two days, so it must be bad as I always forget to eat when I'm feeling depressed.
I don't know what to do, either. I've got that feeling, as if I want to go home. Like when you're on a shitty holiday or something. But I don't know where home is. It's not Ireland, I definitely don't want to go back there. It certainly isn't my brother's place as that didn't help at all. I just feel out of place here, as if I'm missing something important. Or as if I'm just wasting away into nothingness. The dreaded feeling of sheer emptiness is not one I like to have.

But alas, I've put off writing about this for a multitude of reasons. Everyone's gotten so pissy about "emo" people and shit lately, that you can't vent anywhere without someone immediately judging you as some sad excuse for a Goth, with shitty long, dyed hair and the need to cut yourself. I'm none of those things. I'm just depressed. And this is my LJ, I'll write about it if I want, you just don't have to read it.