Bankers are all Wankers

About this time last year, I graduated from University. It was about the same time that my then-Bank decided to fuck me up by cutting me overdraft in half. They effectively said that I owed them £850, simply because I had the audacity to go from a student to a graduate. At this point, I hadn't even landed a job, I barely had £8.50 to live on, let alone £850 to piss away just because the bank was idiotic enough to decide that graduates are entitled to a lot less than students.

Anyhoo, they decided to be "nice" and put it off on a month-by-month basis, probably because they figured that if they cut me off from my money, I'd die or something and thus be alot less likely to pay them back. God Bless them.

Still, nearly every month they would just randomly cut off all my money. Somestimes I'd be told that I owed them £850, other times I'd be told that I owe them £1850, the ENTIRE overdraft, not jusst half of it. This happened far too regularly and caught me in the shit on more than one occasion. Oh yeah bank, just cut off all my money at random, that way I can't get into town and look for a job or anything. Bastards.
Finally, come November, I landed a job. Huzzah! It was a shitty job, but anything that pays the bills can't be bad. Still, there was no way I'd be able to pay off that £1850 in one go, so I decided to open another bank account, with a different bank, just so I had somewhere to dump pay cheques into and not risk having it randomly cut off. Better yet, I was told they could offer me a proper overdraft, allowing me to effectively pay off the first one in full and still have some breathing room. That'd be perfect!
So I went into bank #2 with all the appropriate material - passport, graduation certificate, etc. only to be told that, no, in fact they wouldn't offer me a graduate account with a graduate overdraft or anything like that. "But don't worry!" they assured me. If I kept the account opened for 3 months and put a few pay slips into it, they'd be able to. They just don't want someone running off with all their money.

"Fair enough" I thought to myself. I'll just put pay cheques into that and slowly pay off the overdraft on the other account as and when I can. I finally had a plan!
Of course Bank #1 were not to be outdone. They decided that they wanted that £850 NOW and we'ren't going to wait. December as well, right before Christmas! Fantastic. They wanted to strongarm me into some stupidly high-interest loan to do it, but I didn't fancy getting myself into yet more debt, plus I didn't want to give them a penny more than they deserved. I struck a deal with them, I'd pay off the £850 they wanted (using my ENTIRE Christmas pay, those cunts) and they'd leave me alone for a year, leaving me to pay off the remaining £1000 at my leisure. This wasn't too bad, by february I could go back to bank #2 safe that I've been regularly using that account and get enough overdraft to clear bank #1, being done with them forever.

February came and I was doing fine, so I left it alone, after all, I had a year to pay off any outstanding overdrafts so why worry?
Come April, Bank #1 had a change of heart. I randomly get a call from them demanding the remaining bit of the overdraft, despite being promised that it would be ok for at least 1 year. Cunts.
So I figure, hey, its been like 6 months since I opened up account number 2, I should well be entitled to that overdraft by now. I walked into the branch and was assured if I made an appointment, then everything would be golden. I'd get a decent overdraft and I might even get a credit card. I've never had a credit card before, I'm not too fussed on getting myself into needless debt, but the credit couldn't hurt.
So I went back in with all the right documentation. Scanned it all in, applied for it with my bank manager and..er...denied. Eh? Even the bank manager was confused. Phoned a few people, apparently due to the economic climate, even people such as myself were getting refused these days. Cunts. He actually said to me "You might be better off going to another bank...". That's how "valued" a customer I was to them. Cunts.
So I give in, Bank #1 wants me to get a loan to pay them off, so I agree to it. Some little chappy rings me up, gives me all the details, spends a good 10mins reading an extract from the Data Protection Act and I agree to it. I'll get told in a couple of days when it goes through when the payments start, etc.
Except I hear nothing. A week goes by, I phone them up and chase up what happened - apparently this loan, which they suggested, didn't get approved either. "So what am I supposed to do?" "ummm....we'll call you back".
Another week goes by, I get another call from them, I have to set up a NEW loan, using the exact same terms as before, except this time "It'll be approved by the branch directly! It'll definitely go through!". I just want to be done with them, so I agree again. Cue another phoen call, another 10min DPA Spiel and, you guessed it, another non-approval. They tell me they'll get back to me.
A month goes by and I get a call from their debt collection team. Admittedly, this guy was surprisingly friendly. I explained the situation and what happend with the never-approved loans and so on. I told him the terms I was offered. "hmm...tell you want, just put xx into the account every month and that'll be good enough for me.". No loans, no interest, just a bit into the account every month and he's happy with that. So in effect, the bank is actually LOOSING money becuase they were dicks about the loan. Fine by me.

And then a few days ago, guess what happened? I get a call from Bank #2.
It went like this:

"Hi is this Stephen?"
"Yeah?"
"This is [Bank #2], Did you know that you're entitled to a massive overdraft?"
"What?! really?!"
"Yup! And a credit card, too, if you're interested"
"....really?!"
"er...don't sound so surprised..."
Don't sound so surprised? DON'T SOUND SO FUCKING SURPRISED?!?!
Of course I was much more polite than that.

So I booked an appointment, walked in and...got that overdraft in seconds.
"The system says you've been eligable for it for over 6 months now, that's why I phoned you..."

Cunts. All of them.