Alexander

I feel like Maddox.
I mean, that guy gets really pissed off about something and just has a big ol' rant about it.
So I'm gonna have my own little bitching session about this movie.

Right ok, I wanted to see Blade: Trinity, everyone likes a good vampire killing movie, don't they?
But unfortunately I arrived like 2 hours too early, fuck waiting around, so I decided to just see what else was about to show. Looking down the list of movies wasn't promising, but one stuck out.
Alexander.
A movie about Alexander the great...he conquered the known world, killed all sorts of people, a movie about him could surely only be some big blood fest, right?

Oh how wrong I was...

It starts off kinda promising, Angelina Jolie (Lara croft) is his mum and she nearly gets raped by his one-eyed drunk dad. You might favour her position at this point and take the guy to be a bastard, but you soon learn that she had it coming.

Oh and just as a side note, he cries like a bitch at this point.

Then you see him wrestling some other young boys. Now at this point you put all those dirty thoughts to the back of your head, saving those jokes about "small boys playing with eachother" for later, and to your own expense.
He gets his ass kicked.

Then for the next hour it's him crying a lot before you actually come to a battle.

Now this battle is really cool, plenty of people getting killed, blood everywhere, stuff like that. But don't let it fool you, it's not worth watching this movie to see.

The for another hour and a half you have him crying, crying more, then he cries again, then he kisses men, then cries some more, then cries about how he loves men. Then cries. Again.
Then he cries about how his army don't like him.

Then there's another fight. This one isn't as good as the first one, but it's not bad.
Then his boyfriend dies, so he cries more.

So yeah, it's a 3 hour long film of which 2 1/2 hours of it consist of him crying.

Now here is my usual scale of goodness:

0 - Pretend it doesn't exist
1 - Download it
2 - Watch it if it's on TV
3 - Rent it
4 - Go see it in the Cinema
5 - Download it to see it as soon as possible, then go to the Cinema and give them money because you downloaded it and spend all your money on products endorsing this fine movie..

But this movie is special, it's so bad it gets a special rating all to itself:

-1 - Don't ever contribute anything to this movie in any way shape or form, this includes boycotting any fast food chain, promotional offer etc. that endorse it for at least 6 months. Also, you are to go out to anyone who took part in the movie's production and steal money on them, this movie deserves to have a negative box office intake.

I should also point out that this was the first time I went to the cinema since the Matrix: Reloaded (Whereby after watching it I vowed never to go to the cinema again). If It hadn't been for the likes of Shrek 2 and Dodgeball, I wouldn't have went to see this either. And now thanks to Alexander, I'm not going to go for at least another 18months.

</Rant>

EDIT: I just wanna point out that I have nothing against men kissing eachother, just he's a pussy.